Chapter 78: Teach me, please

“Help the younger me.”

Xu Lin murmured the words aloud. He let out a soft laugh. What was this?

“Why do you think I needed help?” he asked. “Because Xiao Zhao has the same condition as I did, and you see my shadow in him?”

Ji Jinxuan said nothing, which was as good as an admission.

“But Ji Jinxuan, I’m not like him.”

A ginkgo leaf, carried by the wind, landed on Xu Lin’s shoulder. He plucked it off and twirled the golden leaf between his fingers.

“I never thought I needed anyone’s help. Before I met my teacher, I was poor, but I never saw myself as suffering. Even though I was a Beta, my teacher still took me in and raised me. So being a Beta wasn’t so bad.”

“Later, I met you and my face was scarred. Even then, I still didn’t think I needed help.”

The cold, still air spread around them.

Xu Lin did not say the rest out loud, but Ji Jinxuan understood.

Xu Lin had grown up alone in District Thirteen, from the orphanage to foster parents to the streets. He had faced everything on his own. The explosion that scarred his face was just another twist of fate. As he said, he had never needed anyone’s help. Even with a burned face, he could have survived in District Thirteen.

It was Ji Jinxuan who would not let him leave, stubbornly insisting on healing his face and repaying the favor. He had used lies to keep Xu Lin, and then he had not treated him well. One wrong step had led to another, and everything had spiraled out of control.

Xiao Zhao wanted to differentiate. Xu Lin had only wanted to be a Beta.

“Ji Jinxuan, whether in the past, present, or future, whether as a Beta or an Omega, I can live well on my own. Regretting the past is pointless.”

Xu Lin dropped the leaf, now riddled with nail marks. It fluttered down and landed at Ji Jinxuan’s feet.

“For you now, for me now, that past is just the past.”

Xu Lin said quietly, “Don’t do things that won’t make me happy under the guise of doing them for my own good. We can’t go back to the past, and we have no future.”

He had made himself clear. He rubbed his chilled arms and said, “Go get some rest.”

He turned and walked back inside. After two steps, he stopped. With his back to Ji Jinxuan, he said, “Shuangshuang told me what happened after the engagement banquet.”

Ji Jinxuan froze.

He looked up and could only see Xu Lin’s thin silhouette.

His voice drifted softly on the wind. “I am deeply sorry for what happened to you as a child.”

Deeply sorry. But that was all.

Xu Lin’s figure disappeared around the corner. Ji Jinxuan remained motionless, standing there for a long time.

Xiao Zhao’s treatment progressed steadily. Over two months passed. The cold weather set in, and the New Year drew near.

During those two months, Xu Lin spent most of his days with Xiao Zhao. In his free time, he would meet up with Shuangshuang. They would have a meal, chat, or ride around the mountains. It felt like a lifetime ago.

But this time, Xu Lin had no curfew.

As for Ji Jinxuan, their interactions remained the same. They only talked about Xiao Zhao. Since their conversation under the building that night, Ji Jinxuan had not appeared behind the ginkgo trees again. Xu Lin no longer saw him from the terrace.

Life seemed to have returned to normal.

But there was something strange. Ji Jinxuan wore the muzzle guard more and more frequently. He had even started using a suppression bracelet. He had never worn these things before. When Xu Lin asked, he brushed it off.

Xu Lin could not figure it out. He guessed that since he had given Ji Jinxuan his pheromones not long ago, his heat would not come again so soon. Perhaps it was because their compatibility was so low—when they were together, Xu Lin unconsciously released pheromones, and Ji Jinxuan, sensitive to them, was uncomfortable. That was why he wore those things.

That seemed likely. Xu Lin usually used suppressant patches, which were not as effective as a collar. After a few days of hesitation, he borrowed a collar from a staff member and put it on. Ji Jinxuan still needed to treat Xiaozhao. They could not afford any setbacks.

When he appeared in front of Ji Jinxuan wearing the collar, Ji Jinxuan was visibly taken aback. He stared at the collar around Xu Lin’s neck, his expression tense. “Are you feeling unwell?”

Xu Lin had not expected that question. “No,” he said. He was not used to the collar. He touched it, his fingers meeting the cool metal. “Just trying it on.”

He was about to leave when Ji Jinxuan suddenly asked, “Have I been affecting you?”

Xu Lin looked at him. Under the light, Ji Jinxuan’s lips beneath the muzzle were pale. Xu Lin said, “No.” He paused, weighing his words. Finally, he could not help asking, “Is there something wrong with your health?”

Ji Jinxuan was startled. He looked down, then back up. Instead of answering, he smiled and asked, “Are you worried about me?”

Xu Lin turned and walked away. Ji Jinxuan watched him go with a soft smile, then quickly followed.

Before the New Year, good news came.

It was Xiao Zhao’s final medication treatment. The next day, his gland showed a faint pheromone response. He was rushed to the isolation room, accompanied by three Beta doctors. He stayed there for a week. When he came out, his gland had fully recovered. He had successfully differentiated into an Alpha.

It was wonderful news.

Xiao Zhao was overjoyed. He called Fang Rong to share the news the moment he was out.

After hanging up, he bounced over to Xu Lin, took his hand, and beamed. “Li-ge, I’m an Alpha now!”

“Congratulations.” Xu Lin ruffled his hair, happy for him.

Ji Jinxuan stood beside Xu Lin, watching the smile on his face. Slowly, infected by his joy, he too smiled.

“Ji-ge!” Xiaozhao ran up to Ji Jinxuan. He did not dare to take his hand like he had with Xu Lin, but he hopped in place as he thanked him. “Thank you so much! You’re amazing! I owe it all to you!”

Ji Jinxuan said, “No need.”

During treatment, Xiao Zhao had been on a carefully planned diet. The meals were nutritious but not tasty. After differentiating, he suddenly felt ravenous.

He took Xu Lin’s hand and pulled him toward the cafeteria, his appetite a far cry from his previous birdlike portions.

Xu Lin watched him eat eagerly and poured him some water. “Slow down. Don’t choke.”

Xiao Zhao gulped down half the glass and asked, “By the way, Li-ge, when are we leaving? I want to go home and tell my mom the good news. And my classmates! I haven’t seen them in so long. I miss them.”

Xu Lin’s fingers curled. Yes, since Xiao Zhao had recovered, it was time to go.

“We’ll leave whenever you want.”

“Then… tomorrow, okay?”

Xu Lin said, “Alright.”

They needed Ji Jinxuan to arrange their departure. So Xu Lin told him.

“Tomorrow? So soon?” Ji Jinxuan’s expression stiffened when he heard the news.

Xu Lin said, “We’ve already stayed quite a while. It’s better to head back early.”

“Can’t you stay a few more days?” Ji Jinxuan asked cautiously.

Xu Lin said, “Is there still something wrong with Xiao Zhao’s health?”

Ji Jinxuan shook his head. “He’s recovered. He’s fine.”

“He’s fine, so why would I stay?” Xu Lin said, “I came here for him.”

Ji Jinxuan was silent for a long moment, then smiled faintly. “Right.”

He said flatly, “Just for him.”

After telling Ji Jinxuan, Xu Lin turned and left. At the corner, he glanced back. Ji Jinxuan stood alone, silently gazing in the direction he had gone. He was too far away to read Ji Jinxuan’s expression. But he knew it would be blank, as always.

That night, Xu Lin called Shuangshuang out for one last meal before he left.

After dinner, they leaned against the railing by the roadside. Across the street, a massive LED screen displayed ads for the latest celebrities.

They chatted idly.

“What? You’re leaving tomorrow? That soon?” She was crestfallen.

“The child has recovered. It’s time for me to go.” Xu Lin said, “Don’t worry. We’ll see each other again.”

This was not a lie. She smiled. “That’s true.”

She leaned back, resting on her elbows, the lights from the screen falling on her. She let out a sudden, “Oh.”

Xu Lin followed her gaze. The ad had changed to a different celebrity. He recognized her.

Chen Yu. The Omega Ji Jinxuan had been engaged to.

The screen showed her wedding. Her partner was the female Alpha from the news. They exchanged rings, happy and in love.

Shuangshuang was surprised. “She got married? I had no idea.”

Xu Lin stared at Chen Yu’s face on the screen. After a moment, he said, “She’s a big star. How could you not know about such a grand wedding?”

“I don’t follow celebrity news.” She shrugged lazily. “I don’t know her. She didn’t invite me to her wedding, so how would I know? I only went to the engagement banquet as Ji Jinxuan’s guest… ah.” She stopped abruptly.

She glanced at Xu Lin, who seemed indifferent, and relaxed. “To be honest, I don’t really care about other people’s business. I’m too busy worrying about my brother.”

Zong Xi?

“What happened to him?” Xu Lin asked.

She said, “He’s been in a bad mood. I’ve been trying to cheer him up. I don’t know why, but he’s had a falling out with Ji Jinxuan. They haven’t spoken in almost a year.”

Xu Lin was genuinely shocked. He straightened up. Zong Xi and Ji Jinxuan had been friends since childhood. How could they have fallen out?

“Why?” Xu Lin asked.

“I don’t know. My brother won’t tell me.” She said, “Whatever. They’ll make up soon. They’ve fought before, but this one’s lasting longer than usual. That’s all.”

Xu Lin’s expression grew serious.

She changed the subject. “You said you’re going back tomorrow. Where? District Thirteen?”

“Yes.” Xu Lin said, “I need to take Xiao Zhao home first. Since the New Year’s coming, I have twenty days of leave. I won’t go back to the military. I’ll stay in District Thirteen for a while.”

“Good.” She raised a warning finger. “You have to contact me as soon as you get there and tell me you’re safe, got it?”

Xu Lin smiled helplessly. “Got it.”

They shared another ice cream before reluctantly saying goodbye.

Back at the institute, Xu Lin found Xiao Zhao had already packed his things, neatly arranged at the foot of the bed. He was fast asleep. Xu Lin could not sleep. He went back downstairs.

He walked to the row of ginkgo trees below the dormitory. Hearing a soft rustle behind one of them, he went to look. He found only a bird flitting away.

Dappled shadows and falling leaves.

Ji Jinxuan was not there.

How had he ended up here?

Xu Lin stared at the glass door leading to the basement.

He raised his hand and swiped his card.

He descended the stairs.

He just wanted to ask about Zong Xi.

The basement door was closed.

Xu Lin paced outside for a long time. He raised his hand to knock, then lowered it. Up and down, up and down. Finally, he steeled himself and knocked.

No response.

Was Ji Jinxuan asleep this early?

He pressed the handle. Like last time, the door was unlocked.

When he opened it, Xu Lin froze.

There was the overwhelming surge of pheromones. But more striking was Ji Jinxuan, curled on the ground, groaning in pain. He would only be this pathetic if the pain was unbearable. His pride would have made him endure silently otherwise.

Scattered on the floor was an open pill bottle. The cap was nowhere to be found. White tablets were scattered like stars.

Xu Lin instinctively closed the door and crouched beside Ji Jinxuan.

“Ji Jinx—”

He turned Ji Jinxuan over and was shocked by his deathly pale face. His skin was not just pale—it was tinged with a faint blue. Veins bulged on his neck and forehead, so swollen they looked ready to burst. His hair was plastered to his face, soaked in cold sweat. His breathing was barely audible.

“What’s wrong with you?”

The overwhelming pheromones could only mean a heat cycle. But he had just had one. How could it come again so soon? And the last time had been nothing like this. Why was it so severe today?

He had helped Ji Jinxuan before. He could help him again. Besides, in this state, he could not just stand by and do nothing.

He searched the drawer. No suppressants. He checked under the pillow. Nothing. Ji Jinxuan must have hidden them somewhere else.

Xu Lin swore under his breath. With no suppressants, he would have to use his pheromones.

He reached for the collar around his neck, fumbling with it. It beeped twice and would not come off. This was the latest model, and removing it was complicated. The person who had lent it to him had shown him how, but he could not remember.

He turned to Ji Jinxuan, who was barely conscious. He should know how to remove it. “Do you know how to take this off?” Xu Lin pointed at the collar around his neck. “Tell me quickly.”

He shook Ji Jinxuan’s shoulder. Ji Jinxuan’s unfocused eyes slowly landed on Xu Lin.

“Xu Lin…”

Xu Lin said, “How do you remove it?”

Ji Jinxuan raised his arm. Xu Lin leaned in, expecting him to show him how to undo the collar. Instead, Ji Jinxuan placed his palm on the back of Xu Lin’s head and gently stroked it.

Xu Lin was stunned.

“It’s okay.” Ji Jinxuan’s voice was barely a whisper, his lashes wet with sweat stuck to his eyelids, his eyes an unhealthy red. “That’s not why I’m like this… That’s not what I want…”

“Don’t,” Ji Jinxuan touched Xu Lin’s cheek, tracing the spot where the scar had once been. “Don’t misunderstand me.”

He said the same words as before.

His words were jumbled, but Xu Lin understood.

After seeing the scar on Ji Jinxuan’s hand, Xu Lin had confronted him.

[“Did you come to me now just because your body isn’t healed and you need my pheromones? Is that why?”]

He had accused Ji Jinxuan of having ulterior motives, of using him.

Ji Jinxuan had answered the same way—Don’t misunderstand me.

It was just a thoughtless remark. But Ji Jinxuan had taken it to heart.

That explained why, during his last heat, Ji Jinxuan had hidden in this basement and endured it alone, rather than calling for help. He was afraid Xu Lin would think he was only approaching him for his pheromones.

Xu Lin’s feelings were complicated.

He could not remove the collar, so he picked up the scattered pills to see what they were. But Ji Jinxuan, delirious, thought he was leaving and grabbed his clothes.

Xu Lin lost his balance and fell to the ground. He tried to get up, but Ji Jinxuan clung to his clothes.

“It was my fault I lied to you…” Ji Jinxuan said, his head low, his voice low and hoarse. “I didn’t consider your feelings…”

“But it’s true,” Ji Jinxuan looked up, his face wet, a mix of cold sweat and something else. His lips parted, staring at Xu Lin. “I truly, truly love you.”

“That place, without you, was like a cage. All day and all night, I saw your shadow. You were angry, heartbroken, despairing. I wanted to hold you, talk to you, beg for your forgiveness. But you weren’t there. You’d left.” Ji Jinxuan said, “You hated me. You were never coming back.”

Xu Lin’s grip loosened. He grew quiet. Ji Jinxuan kept murmuring.

“Punish me for lying to you. For using your love to trap you here. I was foolish. I deserved it. But later… my love for you was real.”

He clung to Xu Lin’s clothes, struggling to pull himself closer. He wrapped his arms around Xu Lin’s waist, his face pressed against his stomach. The moisture on his face seeped through the fabric onto Xu Lin’s skin.

Warm. Unbearably burning.

Ji Jinxuan’s brow was furrowed in pain. “I know you don’t care about my love… I know I’ve hurt you. Broken your heart. Made you what you are now…

“The more I try to keep you, the more I hurt you.”

His arms tightened around Xu Lin’s waist, squeezing the air from his lungs. His whole body felt heavy, weighed down and immovable.

“You said the past is the past, unchangeable.” Ji Jinxuan gasped for air, still speaking. “But the hurt I caused you was real. Your heartbreak was real. It can’t just be the past.”

He looked up at Xu Lin from below. “What can I do to heal the sorrow and scars in your heart? Teach me, Xu Lin.” A tear slipped from the corner of his eye, tracing down his cheek and soaking into Xu Lin’s clothes. Xu Lin saw it clearly.

“I’m willing to bear pain ten times, a hundred times worse than yours. Only then would it be fair. Will you give me one chance to make it up to you? What should I do?” Ji Jinxuan’s chapped lips trembled as he pleaded, clinging to Xu Lin and refusing to let go. “Please, teach me.”