Chapter 70: You too

Xu Lin stood still for a moment, then walked in and closed the door.

Expressionless, he stepped over the debris and slowly approached Ji Jinxuan, stopping in front of him.

The sound of blood dripping on the floor was stark in the quiet room.

Xu Lin reached out, grabbed Ji Jinxuan’s sleeve, and pulled his hidden right hand into view.

The palm was a bloody mess. Beneath the fresh, grotesque wound from the glass were layers of old scars, all in the same place.

How could Xu Lin forget? He had pierced Ji Jinxuan’s hand with a dagger to escape the cruise ship. The wound was in the same spot.

Blood dripped onto Xu Lin’s hand.

Ji Jinxuan’s fingers curled. “It’s dirty…” Reluctantly, he pulled his hand away. He found a box of tissues among the debris, pulled some out, but instead of tending to himself, he reached for Xu Lin’s hand.

Xu Lin pulled away.

Ji Jinxuan did not touch him. He blinked, did not try again, and awkwardly held out the tissues. “Wipe it off.”

Xu Lin did not take them. He did not move. He stared at Ji Jinxuan. “What are you doing?”

Ji Jinxuan was silent.

In the few seconds of speech, the tissues had soaked through with his blood.

Xu Lin looked away, as if the red stung his eyes.

“Are you doing this on purpose?” Xu Lin’s voice was tight, anger barely contained.

If Ji Jinxuan could heal the burns on his face, a scar on his hand would be nothing. So it was not that he could not. He just did not want to.

The bloody glass shard still lay at their feet. Judging by what Ji Jinxuan had just done, this was not the first time. Piercing his own wound with sharp objects, reopening the scar, over and over.

What was the point of keeping that scar? To constantly remind himself that it was Xu Lin’s doing?

“If you want to take out your resentment on me, do it now, face to face. I might actually respect you.”

“No,” Ji Jinxuan immediately denied. “I don’t resent you.”

Xu Lin waited for him to continue.

“I just… I can’t bear to let it go.”

“Can’t bear what?” Xu Lin paused, surprised.

Ji Jinxuan meant the scar. As expected, he said, “I don’t have many things from you.”

Because he had so little, he could not even bear to lose the wound Xu Lin had left him.

Xu Lin let out a scoff. He stepped back and looked at Ji Jinxuan, then noticed the ring on his left hand.

The wild goose feather ring. Not expensive.

Bitterness flooded Xu Lin’s mouth.

After a long silence, he said, “You had a lot.”

Ji Jinxuan nodded slowly. “I did.”

Xu Lin had once given him everything. He had not held on to any of it, so Xu Lin had taken it all back. And then Xu Lin left.

Ji Jinxuan forgot to breathe. His pale lips parted, murmuring, “It’s my fault.”

The lingering scent of blood, mixed with the dampness of rain, hung around Xu Lin. He did not like it. He did not want to stay, did not want to revisit the meaningless past.

He had only come to check. Since Ji Jinxuan was not seriously hurt, and the wound was self-inflicted, Xu Lin was not a doctor. There was no need to stay.

“You should get someone to look at that,” Xu Lin said.

He turned to leave.

“Can you…” Ji Jinxuan’s voice came from behind. Xu Lin turned and saw Ji Jinxuan had taken a few steps toward him, then stopped, frozen by Xu Lin’s sudden glance. Tall and stiff in the messy room, he asked cautiously, “Can you stay with me for a while?”

“Just a little while.”

Xu Lin sat by the window. Ji Jinxuan was on the other side of the room, far apart.

Under Xu Lin’s watch, Ji Jinxuan quietly treated his own wound. He set the ring aside on a clean tissue.

Xu Lin’s gaze lingered on the ring for a moment, but he said nothing.

Did he always wear the glove to hide the scar and the ring?

“Why are you here?” Xu Lin asked.

Ji Jinxuan was silent for two seconds, then answered honestly, “To see you.”

“Wasn’t I clear enough?”

“Clear. Very clear.” Ji Jinxuan said, “I know you hate me and don’t want to see me. I know all of that. But I just can’t help it. I miss you so much.”

He sounded like a victim at the end of his rope, desperate to save himself. “I promise I won’t disrupt your life. I just want to see you.”

Xu Lin did not respond to that. Instead, he asked another question. “After this month, will you leave?”

“Yes.”

“Will you go back to District Thirteen?”

Ji Jinxuan fell silent.

Xu Lin pressed, “Will you?”

He had not been home in years. Ji Jinxuan knew he was in the military and could not return, so he had not gone to District Thirteen. But now that he knew where Xu Lin was, who knew if he would show up when Xu Lin came home for the New Year?

Ji Jinxuan knew Xu Lin wanted a negative answer. But he could not say it. Xu Lin did not want to see him, but he wanted to see Xu Lin, even if secretly, just a distant glimpse would be enough.

So how could he not go?

Of course he would. But if he said that, Xu Lin would be angry.

He tried to compromise. “…What if I don’t show myself in front of you?”

Xu Lin stood up and left.

As he opened the door, he heard a clatter behind him. Ji Jinxuan had stood up, knocking over the medicine bottle.

“Xu Lin.” Ji Jinxuan called.

With his hand on the doorknob, facing the dark corridor, Xu Lin asked, “Weren’t you the one who wanted us to be even from the start?”

His voice echoed in the dim hallway.

“When I was a Beta, you never took me seriously. You lied to me. Back then, you had high compatibility with another Omega. Now that I’m an Omega, our compatibility is laughably low. And you say you love me again.”

“Putting aside all the mess between us, the pheromones alone should be enough. My pheromones only bring you pain. Isn’t there anyone better than me? Why do you have to cling to me?”

Half of Xu Lin’s face was in shadow, his expression unreadable.

“Before, and now, we were never right for each other. We don’t match. Can’t we just let go?”

Xu Lin turned his head slightly, his eyes flat as he stared at Ji Jinxuan. “Or did you come here because you need my pheromones because your body isn’t healed? Is that it?”

Ji Jinxuan’s face changed. “No!” he said quickly. “That’s not it.”

Xu Lin was accusing him of coming with ulterior motives, of using him again.

Because of the reverse marking, Ji Jinxuan could only accept Xu Lin’s pheromones. They had not seen each other for three years. The twenty milliliters Xu Lin had left at the hospital should have been long gone. If Ji Jinxuan had not recovered, his reason for coming would be obvious.

To get close to Xu Lin for his pheromones, to use him.

Guessing Xu Lin’s thoughts, Ji Jinxuan’s mind went blank. He could not bear the accusation. “I just wanted to see you. Nothing else.”

“Don’t…” He wanted to approach Xu Lin but was afraid of upsetting him. He could only stand there, almost pleading. “Don’t misunderstand me.”

Their connection was a thread about to snap, a rope barely holding, unable to bear any more strain.

Xu Lin looked at him and walked away.

His footsteps echoed down the corridor, growing softer until they faded.

Ji Jinxuan stood alone.

Xu Lin reached the ground floor and noticed his umbrella was gone.

Earlier, he had borrowed an umbrella from a passerby, left it open on the ground when he rushed inside, thinking he would just check and leave. It must have blown away in the wind.

The rain had not stopped.

He stood under the eave for a while, but the rain showed no sign of letting up. He raised his hands over his head, ready to make a run for it. He could always shower again.

Before he could dash out, an umbrella appeared over him.

He turned. It was Ji Jinxuan.

Ji Jinxuan held the umbrella a little more toward Xu Lin. Xu Lin reached out and took it.

When he took it, Ji Jinxuan withdrew his hand, not touching him at all.

“Compatibility, pheromones—none of that matters to me now. Whether you’re a Beta, Omega, or Alpha doesn’t matter.” Ji Jinxuan’s voice was hoarse. “It’s because you’re Xu Lin. That’s why I can’t let go.”

“I know I can’t undo the pain you’ve been through. I know I’m troubling you. I know you won’t believe anything I say.”

“But Xu Lin, I’m sorry.” He looked at Xu Lin, his amber pupils reflecting only him. “I can’t forget you. I can’t be even with you.”

“So, please… can you let me stand somewhere I can see you? Even if it’s just a glimpse. That’s enough.”

Xu Lin gripped the umbrella handle, not answering.

He glanced at the ring on Ji Jinxuan’s left hand. “Give that to me.”

Ji Jinxuan was confused but did as he was told, removing the ring and placing it in Xu Lin’s open palm.

Xu Lin had not noticed how heavy it was when he bought it.

He closed his fingers around the ring, still warm from Ji Jinxuan. “Don’t wear this ring anymore.”

The next second, he raised his hand and tossed it into the darkness. It clinked and was gone.

“I hate looking at it.”

Without another word, Xu Lin turned and walked out into the rain, the droplets pattering against the umbrella. His shoes splashed through puddles.

“Ji Jinxuan. You too.”