Chapter 32: I need to mark you
by LihuaJi Jixuan had been coming home much more often lately.
Ever since his rut, he was around the house significantly more. He was still busy. Once he’d recovered, he threw himself back into work, but unlike before, he now did most of it remotely from home. He only went out when he absolutely had to be there in person.
In the first two years, he’d been so busy he might not come back for months at a time. But now, no matter how late it got, he always came home. Even if it was just to spend a few hours with Xu Lin before heading out again.
Xu Lin felt bad seeing him rush back and forth. “If you’re really exhausted, you don’t have to come back every day. Just stay at the office, you’ll get more sleep.”
That was how it used to be, anyway.
Ji Jixuan seemed to listen, but he also seemed not to. He’d close his eyes, hold Xu Lin, rest in his arms, and then come back again the next day.
Ji Jixuan had grown almost overly clingy.
Even though his rut was long over, he followed Xu Lin everywhere. And when he followed, his hands would find their way around Xu Lin’s waist, holding him tight. When they slept, it was even worse—Xu Lin would often wake up unable to breathe, crushed under Ji Jixuan’s weight. He’d ask him to loosen up, but Ji Jixuan refused.
Xu Lin wouldn’t deny it that even though having a human accessory attached to him made moving around a bit inconvenient, he actually kind of liked it.
A few months passed this way. One night, when the bite marks on Xu Lin’s neck had nearly faded, he lay in Ji Jixuan’s arms with his back to him. Suddenly, a hand slipped under his clothes.
Xu Lin, who had been on the verge of sleep, jolted awake. He stared blankly at the hand moving inside his shirt.
He turned his head, ears burning. Ji Jixuan’s lips brushed against his heated ear.
He knew exactly what this gesture meant. Ji Jixuan had done it countless times during his rut.
It was a silent invitation.
This would be the first time doing this with a fully conscious Ji Jixuan.
The warm yellow light of the bedside lamp spilled across the room like morning mist, illuminating the two of them on the mountain peak.
Xu Lin trembled and pressed his hand over Ji Jixuan’s.
Ji Jixuan paused. “You don’t want to?”
“…It’s not that.” Xu Lin couldn’t meet his eyes, his lashes lowered. Ji Jixuan gripped his chin, making him look up.
Xu Lin’s gaze darted away. He stammered out the rest, “It’s not that I don’t want to.”
But his hand pressed harder against Ji Jixuan’s—not exactly a gesture of consent.
“Does it still hurt?” Ji Jixuan asked.
Xu Lin knew what he was really asking. Blood rushed to his face. “No, it’s fine now…” His rut had been months ago so of course it was fine.
Ji Jixuan fell silent, but his eyes clearly demanded an explanation.
Xu Lin couldn’t bring himself to say it.
He’d thought that after the rut, Ji Jixuan wouldn’t try anything like this again. After all, in the two years before, he’d never touched him. Xu Lin had assumed Ji Jixuan wasn’t particularly interested in such things—that those two weeks of passion were just the rut talking.
Once he’d come to that conclusion, he’d even felt a little relieved.
Before he’d actually done it, Xu Lin had been curious. But after experiencing it for real, he’d realized reality wasn’t like the movies. It wasn’t what he’d imagined.
Not that he didn’t want to do it with Ji Jixuan. It wasn’t that it felt bad. It was that he’d been worn down by those long days of relentless, unrestrained intensity. It scared him a little.
He still remembered the look in Ji Jixuan’s eyes back then—like he wanted to devour him whole.
His mind had gone blank, controlled by Ji Jixuan’s every move. Naked, unable to walk—he hadn’t liked seeing himself like that.
Ji Jixuan waited stubbornly for an answer. Xu Lin bit his lip and finally let go of Ji Jixuan’s hand. He said quietly, “Then… if I say stop, we stop… okay?”
Ji Jixuan leaned in, his nose brushing against Xu Lin’s cheek. “Okay.”
The blanket slid down to their waists, slipped off the bed, and fell to the floor.
Xu Lin’s fingers clawed at the sheets. His lower face was buried in the pillow, muffled sounds escaping his throat.
Ji Jixuan bit the back of his neck, pumping pheromones into him. Because he couldn’t mark him, couldn’t keep his scent permanently inside the person beneath him, a strange frustration gnawed at him. Without realizing it, he bit deeper.
Xu Lin couldn’t smell anything, but his nape ached. Something inside pulsed and swelled uncomfortably.
“Mm…” He lifted his head from the pillow, gasping. “Hurts…”
Hearing his complaint, Ji Jixuan eased up. Xu Lin turned his head instinctively and met Ji Jixuan’s eyes.
He saw it again.
That greedy, obsessive desire, the look of wanting to tear him apart and consume him entirely.
Xu Lin’s gaze faltered. He looked away silently and buried his face in the pillow again.
It was only a second of eye contact.
But Ji Jixuan noticed.
Xu Lin was afraid.
Ji Jixuan paused, turning to look at the window. In the reflection, he saw himself looking back.
He leaned over and switched off the bedside lamp.
The room went dark.
The inability to see gave Xu Lin a sense of safety.
His hands, gripping the sheets, were taken by Ji Jixuan’s, fingers interlaced.
Xu Lin grew hazy, dimly aware that his expression was slipping beyond his control. He tried to command the muscles in his face, but none would obey.
It doesn’t matter if I can’t control my expression, he thought. Ji Jixuan can’t see me anyway.
As he fully surrendered, Ji Jixuan suddenly lost his rhythm.
Xu Lin scratched his back, leaving marks.
His head hit the headboard. The pillow under his back shifted.
He felt like a fallen leaf swept up in a violent storm.
At some point, Ji Jixuan held him tight. The wind ceased, and the leaf touched the ground.
Xu Lin’s chest heaved. Before he could recover, Ji Jixuan’s breath was just as ragged. They lay there for a while. Fatigue washed over Xu Lin, his eyelids growing heavy.
Warm breath moved to his lips. Xu Lin reflexively turned his head away.
He assumed Ji Jixuan couldn’t see, that he’d grazed his lips by accident. Xu Lin graciously dodged.
“…”
Suddenly, he couldn’t hear Ji Jixuan breathing anymore.
He reached out, touching Ji Jixuan’s face, his eyes. He lifted his head and kissed him on the eye.
“Sleep.”
He barely managed the words before consciousness slipped away.
–
When he woke, dawn was just breaking.
He turned his head and found Ji Jixuan’s eyes already on him. He was holding Xu Lin, watching him quietly.
Xu Lin didn’t know when he’d woken up. He burrowed closer. “If you’re awake, why didn’t you call me?”
His voice was hoarse from last night’s screaming.
“Sleep a little more.”
“Mm.”
As Xu Lin drifted off, he felt Ji Jixuan take his hand, playing with it like a toy—stroking his palm, his fingers, his nails.
He opened his eyes. Ji Jixuan’s ring on his finger caught the light, gleaming.
Ji Jixuan now wore his ring without needing to be reminded.
Xu Lin couldn’t sleep anymore. He lay there chatting with him.
He thought of someone. “Dr. Qin hasn’t come in a long time.”
Xu Lin said, “He told me my scar would heal soon. Where is he?”
Ji Jixuan wrapped Xu Lin’s hand in his. “He was transferred. He can’t come anymore.”
“What do I do then?” Xu Lin touched the scar under his eye. “I was hoping to go home once it healed.”
Ji Jixuan countered, “Isn’t this your home?”
Xu Lin blinked, then smiled. “Of course it is.” He added, “But District Thirteen is home too. My teacher is there. I want to visit.”
Ji Jixuan was quiet for a moment. “Isn’t it good enough to stay here with me?”
He sounded like a jealous child.
“Of course it’s good.” Xu Lin kissed Ji Jixuan’s hand. “But I can’t never go back, can I?”
Ji Jixuan pulled him close. “Wait a while. I’ll find you another doctor.”
“Okay.”
Xu Lin fell asleep again without realizing it. He’d been worn out and barely had the strength to talk.
Ji Jixuan watched him, his fingers tracing the scar under his eye. He pressed a kiss to it.
Like a brush of wind, not stirring the sleeping person.
His gaze drifted to Xu Lin’s lips. He blinked and lowered his head.
When Xu Lin woke again, it was afternoon.
Ji Jixuan was gone.
A note was left on the nightstand. He picked it up: [Went out. Back tonight.]
Alright.
Xu Lin put the note away in the drawer. His mouth felt strange like he’d bitten something. He went to the bathroom, opened his mouth in front of the mirror, and found his tongue piercing had fallen out at some point.
He put it back in.
He’d never lost it while sleeping before.
Strange.
Since Ji Jixuan was out, Xu Lin decided to visit his friends in the mountains. He put on his shoes, grabbed a small bag, and headed out.
By the time he got back, it was completely dark. Ji Jixuan had long returned and was waiting for him on the sofa.
Xu Lin changed his shoes and threw himself into Ji Jixuan’s arms.
His hair had grown out over two years, reaching past his collarbone. Ji Jixuan’s fingers traced the damp ends, playing dumb. “Where were you?”
Xu Lin was beaming. “Maomao had babies! I went to help!”
“Who is that?”
“My friend!”
He grabbed his phone and showed Ji Jixuan the photo: a squirrel curled up in a tree hollow, surrounded by tiny, hairless pink lumps.
“…”
“Xu Lin,” Ji Jixuan said, “squirrels don’t need you to deliver their babies.”
“But she’s all alone since her husband’s not there.”
Xu Lin’s tone was pointed. Ji Jixuan caught the implication. He looked down at Xu Lin’s crescent-shaped eyes and said flatly, “What, are you trying to move in?”
Xu Lin laughed. “How could I? I already have a husband.”
Ji Jixuan pulled him into his arms.
“Is it boring?” he asked suddenly.
“What?”
“Staying here. Is it boring?” No one to talk to, making friends with a squirrel in the mountains. Had he spent these two years like this?
Xu Lin shook his head and smiled. “When you’re home, I’m not bored.”
Late at night, Ji Jixuan got up, tucked the blanket around the sleeping Xu Lin, and went to the balcony to make a call. He lit a cigarette and leaned against the railing.
The call connected instantly. Xiao Jin’s voice came through.
“Do something for me.”
After giving instructions, Ji Jixuan hung up. He looked up, inhaled the smoke, but the bitterness in his lungs couldn’t quell the restlessness inside him.
He looked at Xu Lin on the bed, licked his lips, stubbed out the cigarette, and went back inside.
The next afternoon, Xu Lin woke to find something heavy on his foot.
He looked down. A delicate gold anklet was fastened around his left ankle.
It was heavy. Xu Lin pried it open and peered inside. Over a dozen rubies lined the inner ring.
“Goodness…” This must be worth a fortune.
Xu Lin tried to pull it off, but it wouldn’t budge.
This could only have been put on by Ji Jixuan.
How had he done it?
He went to find Ji Jixuan, wanting to take it off. Walking with something on his ankle felt strange—it kept bumping against his foot, uncomfortable.
“Xuan-ge?”
He came downstairs. Ji Jixuan was leaning against the sofa, arms crossed, watching him.
“Why did you put this on me? Take it off.”
As he approached, Ji Jixuan suddenly lifted him onto the table and stood between his legs. He touched Xu Lin’s left ankle and smiled. “Isn’t it beautiful? It suits you.”
Xu Lin was dazzled by his smile. He paused, then swung his foot. “Really that beautiful?”
“Mm. Keep it on.” Ji Jixuan said, “A gift for you.”
“Why a gift out of nowhere?”
“Can’t you guess?”
Xu Lin shook his head.
Ji Jixuan pushed aside his hair, rubbing the bite marks on his nape. His pheromones could only last two days on Xu Lin’s body before fading.
He lowered his head, opened his mouth, and bit down on the marks again.
“I need to mark you,” he said.
—A mark that belongs to me, Ji Jixuan.
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