Chapter 42: Have you ever truly cared about me

Xu Lin lowered his head, his heart aching in waves. He had taken in too much information at once… More than he could bear.

He crouched down, curling into himself to ease the pain spreading through his body.

Ji Jinxuan seemed to realize he had said something wrong. He walked over to Xu Lin and tried to pull him into an embrace, but Xu Lin shoved him away with red-rimmed eyes. “Get out! Get away from me!”

Xu Lin was emotionally volatile. “Fine. You’re high and mighty. So noble. Then I won’t play along anymore, alright?

“Do you think I actually enjoy being here?!”

He abandoned his suitcase and ran outside.

The moment he straddled his motorcycle, Ji Jinxuan chased after him and yanked the keys out in two quick strides. Xu Lin roared, “Ji Jinxuan!”

“You can’t leave.”

Xu Lin held out his hand, demanding them back. “Give them to me!”

Ji Jinxuan clenched the keys tightly. “That’s not what I meant. I don’t look down on you. I meant—” His tongue seemed to tie itself in knots. After a moment of thought, he suddenly said, “Your face hasn’t healed yet. If you go back, your teacher will worry.”

At this, Xu Lin’s temples bulged with veins. “What nonsense! At a time like this, you think I care about that? The keys! Are you giving them to me or not?”

“You can’t leave.” Ji Jinxuan seemed stuck on that one phrase.

Furious, Xu Lin shoved the motorcycle over. Seeing he could not get the keys, he simply started walking on foot.

He did not believe he could not leave Danshi.

He had barely gone a few meters when an immense force suddenly seized the back of his neck—something like an iron clamp encircled his throat, and with a sudden jerk, an unbearable pain shot through him. Xu Lin’s vision went black; he did not even have time to cry out before he lost consciousness.

Ji Jinxuan withdrew his hand from Xu Lin’s neck and caught him as he fell. His breathing unsteady, he tightened his arms and held the unconscious man close, as if clutching a mist that might dissipate at any moment. Then he lifted Xu Lin in his arms and carried him back to the villa.

When Xu Lin opened his eyes again, the sky outside was already dark.

As his awareness returned, he jolted upright in bed. The moment he moved, the pain at the back of his neck made him freeze. He hissed and reached up to touch it.

His fingertip was slightly damp. He brought it to his nose and caught a faint medicinal smell.

It had already been treated.

Just then, the door opened, and the culprit who had knocked him out walked in.

Ji Jinxuan set the tray he was carrying on the nightstand. It was food he had just prepared. He handed Xu Lin a pair of chopsticks. “Are you hungry? Have something to eat.”

He was still pretending everything was normal, as if nothing had happened.

Xu Lin knocked his hand away, and the chopsticks clattered to the floor.

He glared at Ji Jinxuan.

Ji Jinxuan dropped his gaze, avoiding eye contact. He quietly picked up the chopsticks and set them back in place.

Xu Lin could not be bothered to speak to him. He threw off the covers and made to get out of bed. Ji Jinxuan suddenly grabbed his arm: “Where are you going?”

Xu Lin wrenched free. “Don’t touch me.”

“…” Ji Jinxuan withdrew his hand awkwardly. “You can’t leave,” he said.

To Xu Lin, this sounded like a direct challenge. “Fine,” he said. “Let’s see if I can or not.”

He did not even bother with slippers as he stormed downstairs. When he tried to open the villa’s front door, the latch did not budge.

—It was locked from the outside.

Xu Lin’s eyes went wide. He kicked the door in frustration, then spun around to face Ji Jinxuan, who had been silently following behind him. “You’re really going to do this?”

Ji Jinxuan said, “You’re too angry right now. You’re not thinking clearly.”

“I’m perfectly clear-headed!” Xu Lin shouted. “Open it!”

Ji Jinxuan replied, “And then what? Without a travel code, you can’t leave Danshi.”

Xu Lin froze, remembering that detail. He shot back, “I can apply for one myself, can’t I?”

“Where would you go to apply?”

Xu Lin did not know. “I have a mouth. I can ask. Don’t worry about it.”

“Stay here for now. I’ll apply for you. I’ll let you go back.”

Xu Lin found his excuse utterly laughable and called him out on it: “If you really wanted me to go back, wouldn’t it be easier to just give me your ID card and drive me to the airport yourself?”

Ji Jinxuan said nothing. But his attitude made it clear he would not give in.

Xu Lin let out a cold laugh. “Pretending to be noble.”

Frustrated, Xu Lin rattled the doorknob and took several deep breaths. He knew continuing like this would only lead to a stalemate. Reluctantly, he forced himself to calm down and asked, “How long?”

Ji Jinxuan looked at him.

Xu Lin said, “How long will it take to get it done? Don’t give me some bullshit about a month—I don’t believe it takes that long. Try lying to me again.”

Ji Jinxuan’s lips moved. “Seven days.”

“You’d better keep your word.” Xu Lin turned and went back upstairs without another word.

When Ji Jinxuan returned to the bedroom, Xu Lin had wrapped himself in the covers, with only a bit of hair peeking out.

He sat on the edge of the bed, dazed, and reached out to touch him through the blanket—but before making contact, he pulled his hand back.

“I didn’t want to marry anyone else.

I was wrong to lie to you.

“Could you… please not be this angry with me?”

He murmured his explanations, stumbling over his words. The man who was usually so articulate could now only repeat these few phrases, clumsy and lost.

He believed that Xu Lin was angry because he had gotten engaged to someone else—but the engagement was fake. Before putting the plan into action, he had thought that even if Xu Lin got upset when he found out, he would forgive him once he explained. But now that reality was staring him in the face, the situation was completely different from what he had imagined. No matter how much he explained, Xu Lin remained furious.

The last time Xu Lin had been this angry was when he had been away from home for over a year—but after just one week, Xu Lin had made up with him.

So he had assumed this time would only take a week too.

After a week, they would make up again.

And everything would go back to how it was before.

Now, there was no one left to stand in their way. He could stay by Xu Lin’s side all the time, be with him.

But Xu Lin had changed.

He no longer spoke to Ji Jinxuan. He no longer called him “Xuan-ge” affectionately. He ignored him completely. He started smoking frequently, and for ten hours a day, he would simply stare blankly out the window.

He had even moved into the guest room, refusing to share a bedroom with Ji Jinxuan.

Every day, he went through the same routine, asking Ji Jinxuan only one question, “Is it done yet?” He was waiting for the seven days to pass so he could get his travel code and return to District Thirteen.

Even when Ji Jinxuan deliberately cut his hand while cooking, blood spilling all over the floor, Xu Lin only glanced at him and did nothing.

Even though Xu Lin was right there, Ji Jinxuan began to miss the way he used to look at him—those eyes that were always full of love and concern.

Xu Lin did not care. Ji Jinxuan silently rinsed the blood from his hand under the tap. Clear water ran over the gash on his palm, turning from bright red to a pale pink, then the wound whitened from soaking. But he felt no pain.

No—it did hurt a little.

But it was not the cut on his hand that hurt.

Ji Jinxuan clenched his fist. Something thumped in his ears. What was that sound? Some kind of insect seemed to have crawled into his body through the wound, following the water, skittering along his nerves and blood vessels, gnawing at his flesh, devouring his heart.

That night, Xu Lin was sleeping in the guest room when the door opened gently and someone walked in.

Xu Lin did not open his eyes.

But the next second, the person lifted him, blanket and all, and carried him out.

“Ji Jinxuan!” Xu Lin’s eyes flew open. Without a word, Ji Jinxuan carried him back to the master bedroom.

This was the room Xu Lin had slept in ever since they were married. But now, he did not want to spend a second in it. This room held too many memories—some with Ji Jinxuan, but most of them were his own.

Staring at the wedding photo above the bed, marking red crosses on the calendar, hoping that when he woke up the next day, Ji Jinxuan would be home.

Countless days and nights had been filled with that same image. Just thinking about it made it hard for Xu Lin to breathe.

Xu Lin refused to sleep in the bed. Ji Jinxuan would not let him leave, holding him down firmly.

“Ji Jinxuan! Let go!”

Ji Jinxuan shoved him under the covers, got in himself, wrapped his arms around him, and restrained his struggles.

Xu Lin fought for a long time but could not break free from Ji Jinxuan’s embrace. In the end, he was left panting from exhaustion. He gave up, closed his eyes, and said, “Let me go. I don’t want to sleep here.”

“Why?”

Xu Lin looked at him for a long, long time.

After a while, as if abandoning some thought, he tilted his head back and looked up at the wedding photo hanging above the headboard.

Ji Jinxuan looked up with him.

Xu Lin suddenly asked, “Do you think this photo is nice?”

It had been taken by Zong Xi. Both of them were wearing white suits, with the rainbow-like stained-glass window behind them. Half of Xu Lin’s face was covered in burns—it looked terrible—but he was still grinning, leaning his head toward the person beside him. And next to him, Ji Jinxuan wore his usual expressionless face.

Was he asking about the composition, or the lighting? Before Ji Jinxuan could answer, Xu Lin continued, “I really like this photo. So I hung it above the bed, looking at it day after day, night after night. Every time I see it, I remember everything about our wedding.

“When this photo was taken, I was truly happy.”

Ji Jinxuan did not know why he was suddenly bringing all this up.

Xu Lin could tell what he was thinking just by looking at his face.

He lowered his head, drained, and murmured, “You still don’t understand why I’m angry. You think I’m angry simply because you got engaged to someone else.”

Xu Lin laughed, but there was no humor in his eyes: “Yes, I am angry. Angry that you lied to me. Angry that you got engaged—even if it was fake, I’m angry.

“Angry that you didn’t tell me my teacher and friends were in danger. Angry that you didn’t tell me you were carefully planning an engagement banquet with another Omega. Angry that you didn’t tell me that the place where we got married wasn’t even a church.”

Xu Lin said, “At this point, you still haven’t figured it out on your own. I have to tell you myself why I’m upset. Have you ever truly cared about me?

“A fake wedding had such a grand scale, so many guests, so much of your effort put into it. But what did I get? I got a useless old building. A place that isn’t even a church. When I said my vows to you, did heaven even hear them?”

A faint redness quickly flooded Xu Lin’s eyes, spreading to the corners.

His voice cracked, “You’re the one who proposed to me. You said you liked me. But in the end, even a fake wedding had more thought put into it than mine?

“You said our wedding couldn’t be told to anyone. Then why could yours with someone else be? Why am I the only one who doesn’t count?

I used to think you had no prejudice against my hometown, that you were different from the people of Danshi. But I’m starting to realize I don’t know you at all.”

Xu Lin buried his face in the blanket, as if on the verge of breaking down. “Ji Jinxuan, I’m begging you, let’s separate for a while. Let me go back. Give me some room to breathe. I really can’t take it anymore.”