Chapter 22: I don’t like kissing

When Ji Jixuan returned to the villa, this was the sight that greeted him.

The villa was brightly lit, doors wide open. Light spilled from the windows and through every crack, pouring like a golden mist across the yard like wheat scattered on the ground. And in the middle of that wheat sat a crouched scarecrow.

Xu Lin sat on the doorstep with his knees drawn up, head buried in his arms, completely still.

The soft sound of the car stirred the sleeping scarecrow. Xu Lin slowly lifted his head from his arms and looked toward the source of the noise.

The headlights were blinding. Xu Lin squinted and raised a hand to shield his eyes. Through the gaps between his fingers, a figure backlit by the light got out of the car and walked toward him.

When Ji Jixuan reached him, Xu Lin didn’t even stand up, as if still processing. He just looked up, his gaze hollow.

“Xu Lin.”

Only when Ji Jixuan called his name did the faint spark in Xu Lin’s eyes flicker back to life. The scarecrow was finally woken by the bird that had entered the wheat field.

He shot up from the steps and threw his arms around Ji Jixuan, holding him tightly. The force of his embrace was strong, and once he had hold, he wouldn’t let go.

His face was buried in Ji Jixuan’s chest, his body trembling, his voice unsteady. “Where did you go? Why did you leave without telling me?”

Xu Lin’s clothes and skin were cold, having blended with the outdoor temperature. He’d been sitting outside for a very long time.

Ji Jixuan looked down at him, his chin brushing against Xu Lin’s soft hair.

Xu Lin was holding him tightly, but not so tightly that Ji Jixuan couldn’t break free. Yet at this moment, breaking free didn’t seem like the first priority.

Ji Jixuan let out a faint, barely audible sigh and didn’t push Xu Lin away. Instead, he lifted the box he was carrying and showed it to him.

Seeing it was strawberries, Xu Lin froze. He might have guessed why Ji Jixuan had gone out.

His eyes widened slightly. “Did you go out… to buy these?”

It wasn’t bought, but he had gone out to pick them up from Zong Xi. That counted, probably.

Ji Jixuan nodded.

Xu Lin asked again, “For me?” His tone carried a hint of being pleasantly surprised.

It was a rather redundant question. Ji Jixuan clearly thought so too, asking in return, “Aren’t you the one who wanted them?”

Xu Lin laughed softly. In an instant, all the turmoil inside him seemed to dissolve, leaving only joy.

He took the box. “Thank you.”

Looking down at the box, he smiled.

He hadn’t expected Ji Jixuan to go out specifically to get these for him.

Being thought of like this, how could he not be happy?

He supposed he’d frightened Ji Jixuan by reaching into the trash. Ji Jixuan, raised pampered in the main city, would probably never imagine someone trying to salvage food from the bin.

Xu Lin didn’t want the strawberries that badly. He just couldn’t bear the thought of Pu Sha’s gift ending up in the trash.

The strawberries were thrown away, and Pu Sha’s kindness went to waste. He felt guilty, regretful, and sad.

But he couldn’t really blame anyone else.

The worker had acted on his own. Xu Lin could guess why. In their eyes, Ji Jixuan only ever used the best. That box of overripe strawberries certainly didn’t look like something he would eat.

They just didn’t realize the strawberries weren’t for Ji Jixuan.

Once inside, Xu Lin couldn’t wait to open the box. The strawberries were huge. He took a bite; juice burst out, and the sweetness made him shiver.

So good.

Xu Lin ran his fingers over the gold-embossed letters on the box and read aloud: “Bijin Hime…” Did strawberries have such fancy names these days?

After a few strawberries, he thought of Ji Jixuan and looked up to find him.

Ji Jixuan was leaning against the kitchen island, watching him from a distance. The moment Xu Lin looked over, Ji Jixuan turned his head away, his back to him. The coffee maker hummed, filling the room with the bittersweet aroma of coffee.

Xu Lin took a strawberry from the box and walked up behind Ji Jixuan.

Ji Jixuan was turning around with a cup of coffee when they ended up face to face.

Xu Lin held the strawberry up to Ji Jixuan’s mouth. “Try one too.” It was the first time he’d done something so intimate like feeding someone. His movements were a bit awkward.

Ji Jixuan didn’t move. “You eat them.”

Xu Lin didn’t pull back, pushing his hand a little closer. He wasn’t going to take no for an answer. Ji Jixuan had no choice but to take it. He ate it less delicately than Xu Lin. Xu Lin would savor each bite, while Ji Jixuan swallowed after just a few chews.

So fast. Could he even taste it?

“Sweet?” Xu Lin asked. “Want another?”

“No.” Ji Jixuan said, “They’re for you. You eat them.”

Xu Lin glanced at the coffee in his hand. At this hour, would he be able to sleep? “Are you going to stay up working again tonight?”

“Mm. You go to sleep first.”

“Oh.”

Ji Jixuan went into the study and sat at the desk for a long time without moving. Finally, he raised the cup and drained the coffee in one go.

He could taste neither the bitterness nor the sweetness.

He had no sense of taste.

After Ji Wang’s relentless human experimentation, Ji Jixuan had lost his ability to taste.

Everything he ate was like chewing on flavorless paste. Eventually, he found it easier to drink a nutrient solution directly than to chew through a pile of garbage with strange textures.

He didn’t like food.

Zong Xi was different. He hated nutrient solutions. He’d only force himself to drink them when absolutely necessary, then make a face and spit them out, cursing that such terrible things shouldn’t exist.

Terrible? Ji Jixuan didn’t know. He couldn’t taste them.

Xu Lin.

Xu Lin ate with such gusto.

No matter what it was, it seemed delicious in his mouth.

He wondered what Xu Lin’s reaction would be if he tried a nutrient solution. Would he think it was good?

Knock, knock.

Two soft taps snapped Ji Jixuan out of his daze. He looked over. Xu Lin, freshly showered and in pajamas, stood at the study door, hand still raised from knocking.

“Xuan-ge, can I stay with you?” He was holding a thin blanket, shuffling toward the sofa not far from the desk. He promised, “I won’t make a sound. Please let me stay.”

Ji Jixuan’s abrupt departure that afternoon had made him nervous. He was afraid that if he closed his eyes, he’d wake up alone again.

“When you’re not here, the room is so quiet.”

Ji Jixuan said nothing in the end. Xu Lin took that as consent.

So he curled up on the sofa under his blanket, comfortable.

Xu Lin wasn’t sleepy. He lay there, eyes wide open like a security camera, watching Ji Jixuan work without ever getting bored.

His gaze was so intense that Ji Jixuan couldn’t ignore it even if he tried. He closed his laptop and looked at Xu Lin.

Xu Lin quickly asked, “All done?”

“No. I’ll do it tomorrow.” He stood up. “Come on. Let’s go to bed.”

---

In the master bedroom, the sound of water from the bathroom shower filled the air. Xu Lin huddled under the covers, only his eyes showing. The sheets were full of his frantic heartbeat.

Ji Jixuan was showering. What now… Xu Lin blinked faster and faster, his mouth dry, as if holding a piece of burning coal.

On their wedding night… weren’t they supposed to do that? How did it work? He didn’t know. What if he messed up and made a fool of himself? What would Ji Jixuan think…

The more he thought, the hotter his face grew. He buried himself completely under the covers.

Click.

The bathroom door opened.

Ji Jixuan came out.

Xu Lin, hidden under the blanket, didn’t dare move. The air around him was hot and stuffy from his breath, pitch black, seeing nothing.

He kept his eyes open in the dark, straining his ears to listen.

Ji Jixuan’s footsteps grew closer and stopped by the bed. Then Xu Lin felt the mattress sink slightly on one side. The scent of the same body wash he’d used wrapped around him. Ji Jixuan lay down beside him.

And didn’t move.

“…So quiet.”

Xu Lin couldn’t take it. He was suffocating from the thin air.

He poked half his head out from the covers, turned to look, and saw Ji Jixuan lying very properly on his back, eyes already closed.

“…Okay then.”

So that was it. He’d gone to sleep.

Xu Lin inched closer to him and whispered, “Xuan-ge?”

Ji Jixuan didn’t stir.

Fair enough. He’d stayed up all night yesterday, then been busy all day today. He was probably exhausted.

Xu Lin gazed at his sleeping face, content just watching for a while. Then he turned off the light, rested his head on Ji Jixuan’s shoulder, adjusted to a comfortable and intimate position, whispered “Goodnight,” and closed his eyes.

After Xu Lin’s breathing evened out, Ji Jixuan quietly opened his eyes in the dark.

There was no sleepiness in them at all.

---

Xu Lin slept well and woke the next morning to find Ji Jixuan already gone from the room.

After washing up, he went downstairs. Ji Jixuan was fully dressed, looking ready to go out.

Xu Lin quickened his pace down the stairs. He checked the time and it was just past seven. “So early. Where are you going?”

Ji Jixuan adjusted his cuff. “There’s something at the company I need to handle.”

Xu Lin relaxed a little. So he was going to work. He walked up to Ji Jixuan and smiled. “What time will you be back? What do you want for dinner? I’ll cook.”

Ji Jixuan said, “I might not be back for a while.”

Xu Lin’s smile froze on his face. “…What?”

Ji Jixuan seemed not to notice his expression, continuing matter-of-factly: “I’ll have someone come here once a week to bring you things. Tell them anything you need. Also, a Doctor Qin will come once a week. Cooperate with the treatment, and don’t forget the medication.”

On the table that had been empty yesterday sat many bottles of medicine familiar to Xu Lin. It was the same ones from the hospital, for his scars.

But his mind wasn’t on the medicine now, but on Ji Jixuan’s words that he wouldn’t be home for a while.

“Wait… why so suddenly…”

Ji Jixuan picked up his jacket from the back of the sofa and explained, “Xu Lin, I have a lot to deal with every day. Some internal matters at the group require me to be there at a moment’s notice. It’s more convenient to stay at the company. I’ll come back when I’ve finished this round.”

Xu Lin asked, “How long is ‘a while’?”

“I’m not sure yet.”

“But we just got married…” Xu Lin suggested, “If you can’t come back, I can go to you. Just give me the address.”

Ji Jixuan said, “Don’t come looking for me.”

“…” Xu Lin fell silent. He stared at Ji Jixuan as if the words had burned his eyes, their edges reddening.

Ji Jixuan put on his jacket and glanced at Xu Lin, pausing for a moment.

After a long time, he raised his hand and brushed his knuckles against Xu Lin’s neck, his voice low. “When I’m not around, don’t leave this mountain.”

Ji Jixuan said, “Xu Lin, it’s for your own good.”

Xu Lin frowned. “Then what do I do when I want to see you, when I want to talk to you? Can’t I see you at all… What if I really miss you? Still no?”

Ji Jixuan looked at him. Xu Lin understood. Before the wedding, he’d already made everything clear.

Xu Lin murmured, “…Then, can you get me a Danshi SIM card?”

Seeing that Ji Jixuan was truly leaving, and not wanting to be unreasonable, he hurriedly scrambled for a compromise, something that would let them stay in touch.

At least this time, Ji Jixuan didn’t refuse.

Ji Jixuan thought for a moment, took his phone out, and after a few taps, handed it to Xu Lin. “Take my phone. The only number saved in it is mine. Use it to contact me.”

Xu Lin blinked and took it. “Okay.”

That made him feel a little better.

Ji Jixuan’s tie was undone. Xu Lin went to the closet, took one, and stood in front of him to tie it. They were very close. After he finished, moving slowly, he looked up at Ji Jixuan.

It would be a long, long time before he saw him again.

Xu Lin bit his tongue, took a deep breath, and stood on his tiptoes to kiss Ji Jixuan. They were married—a kiss was perfectly normal.

Their noses bumped, but Xu Lin didn’t kiss him. Ji Jixuan’s hand was in front of his lips.

Xu Lin froze.

Ji Jixuan lowered his hand and looked away, avoiding Xu Lin’s eyes. “I don’t like… kissing.”

He didn’t like kissing. Some people liked it, some didn’t. There were so many people in the world—everyone had their quirks and preferences.

That was normal, normal…

Xu Lin’s hand dropped stiffly. Head down, staring at his feet, he muttered, “Oh… okay. You don’t like it, so we won’t. It’s fine.”

Before he left, Ji Jixuan took off the ring on his finger and set it on the table.

Then he walked away without looking back.

Xu Lin watched Ji Jixuan’s car disappear into the mountain road and stood in the yard for a while before going back inside.

Ji Jixuan was gone.

Xu Lin picked up the ring from the table. It still seemed to carry his warmth. He clutched it in his palm, brought his fist to his nose, and closed his eyes.

It’s okay. It’s okay.

He’ll be back soon.