Chapter 30: It’s not like you can’t live without him

The cigarette between his fingers burned down slowly. Ji Jixuan stood motionless for a long time, the accumulating ash threatening to burn his fingers. He crushed the cigarette butt and walked inside.

He stood by the bed, looking down at the sleeping Xu Lin.

“Xu Lin.” He called his name.

Xu Lin gave no response.

He went to the study, took a pill from the cabinet, returned to the bedroom, pried open Xu Lin’s mouth, and placed the pill under his tongue. His fingertip was damp, brushing against the tongue piercing.

Xu Lin seemed to feel something uncomfortable in his mouth, rubbing his lips with his hand. He made a small sound, turned over, and didn’t wake.

Ji Jixuan rubbed his wet fingertip and waited a moment.

Once he confirmed the medication had taken effect, he turned and left.

He searched the yard for a long time before finding the keys Xu Lin had thrown away.

He drove away.

At the lab on the outskirts, he examined his medication reports. Half an hour later, Zong Xi arrived as well.

“Where have you been these past few days?” He pushed open the door forcefully, clearly annoyed that Ji Jixuan had disappeared for half a month.

He pointed at the lab’s surveillance camera, irritated. “If I hadn’t checked the feed, I still wouldn’t have heard from you. I called and you didn’t pick up. What happened?”

Ji Jixuan didn’t look up. “A small matter.”

“Don’t give me that. What ‘small matter’ takes up half a month?”

At that, Zong Xi suddenly understood. “You’ve been with Xu Lin all this time?”

He sucked in a breath, realizing the only plausible explanation for Ji Jixuan’s disappearance.

Zong Xi exclaimed, “You went into rut? And you and him?!”

Ji Jixuan looked up and shot him a cold glare.

From his expression, Zong Xi knew he’d guessed right. He was stunned. “What are you playing at? You said you’d separate from him once his face healed… and now you’re—”

“Shut up.”

Ji Jixuan threw down the report in irritation. “It was an accident.”

Zong Xi glanced at the scattered reports on the table. “What, did your suppressant malfunction?”

Ji Jixuan had thought so too, which was why he’d rushed over.

He shook his head. “No.”

His formula was fine.

“Then it’s not the medication… your body’s acting up?”

Zong Xi snorted. “I told you. You were already resistant to that stuff, and you’ve been abusing suppressants for years. Overdosing is the least of your worries. Are you not afraid your gland will give out and land you in the ICU? You reckless idiot.”

He’d said these things so many times his lips were calloused. But it was useless, the person in question never listened. He sighed. “So what’s your plan now?”

Plan?

Ji Jixuan had no answer.

“Suppressants don’t work for you anymore. You’ve only got one path left, right? If you don’t want to mark an Omega, there’s still a Beta. Sure, a Beta isn’t much use to you in theory, but at least physically, it can give you temporary relief.”

Zong Xi continued, “Or are you sticking to the original plan? Two months from now, when Xu Lin’s face is healed, you’ll send him back to District Thirteen?”

Heal Xu Lin’s face. Send him back to District Thirteen.

That was why Ji Jixuan had used a fake marriage to keep Xu Lin in Danshi.

Two years spent.

Now, Xu Lin’s face was almost healed.

It was time for him to leave Danshi, to go back where he belonged.

That was how it should have been.

But…

“Right, you were repaying a favor. You were almost done, and now you’ve gone and slept with him. Tsk.” Zong Xi let out a theatrical sigh, chattering on. “If you’re really worried, I’ve got a good idea.”

He proposed with interest, “Since you don’t like him anyway, he’s nothing to you, and he’s a Beta who can’t be marked, just—”

He dragged out the words, successfully catching Ji Jixuan’s attention before continuing leisurely, “Let him go out. Ignore him for a while. Once he’s lost interest in you, he might meet someone better out there, fall for someone else. Then you two can separate naturally, problem solved.”

The moment the words left his mouth, Ji Jixuan’s gaze darkened. He looked at Zong Xi with clear displeasure.

His pheromones spread uncontrollably through the room.

Zong Xi smiled, unflinching. “Oh, I give you a good idea and you give me a dirty look. No good deed goes unpunished. Don’t you not like him? Then why are you angry?”

Zong Xi crossed his arms. “Without him, there are so many other Betas out there. If you want one, any of them would come running.”

He raised an eyebrow and smiled. “It’s not like you can’t live without him.”

---

Xu Lin slept deeply. When he woke, it was already seven in the evening. The bedroom was quiet and empty.

He was instantly alert. Without even putting on shoes, he rushed downstairs. His anxious steps halted when he saw Ji Jixuan sitting on the living room sofa.

The weight in his chest, which had been lodged in his throat, dropped back into his stomach.

He hadn’t left.

Ji Jixuan heard his footsteps and turned.

His gaze fell on Xu Lin’s bare feet.

Xu Lin followed his gaze and looked down at his own feet, realizing he hadn’t worn shoes. He froze for a second.

“Why aren’t you wearing shoes?”

“I forgot.”

A laptop sat on Ji Jixuan’s knee. He was probably working. Two weeks of absence must have piled up quite a backlog.

Click. Ji Jixuan closed the laptop and stood, walking toward him.

Before Xu Lin could react, Ji Jixuan bent down, scooped him up by the knees, and lifted him.

Xu Lin let out a startled yelp, instinctively wrapping his arms around Ji Jixuan’s neck to keep from falling.

He’d only been held like this by Ji Jixuan during his rut, when he wasn’t himself.

Being held in his arms while he was fully lucid made Xu Lin feel a bit shy.

His ears burned. His toes curled. He didn’t dare move.

Ji Jixuan carried him to the sofa and set him down gently. He brought a pair of slippers and set them by the sofa. Then he crouched down, held Xu Lin’s foot, and wiped it clean with a wet wipe.

There was no dirt on his foot, but Ji Jixuan wiped it carefully.

He’d never done anything like this before.

Xu Lin felt awkward and tried to pull his foot back. The moment he moved, Ji Jixuan said without looking up, “Don’t move.”

“I can do it myself.”

Ji Jixuan repeated, “Don’t move.”

“…” Xu Lin stayed still.

He watched Ji Jixuan, with the same serious expression he wore when handling work, slowly wipe his foot clean. Even after that, he picked up the slipper and put it on Xu Lin’s foot himself.

Only then did he speak. “Don’t walk around barefoot.”

Xu Lin’s heart pounded wildly. His face was flushed. “…Oh.”

Something felt different about Ji Jixuan.

Ji Jixuan opened his laptop again. Xu Lin caught a glimpse of the screen—a document filled with English text—and quickly looked away.

It was getting late. Xu Lin stood up and headed to the kitchen. “You must be hungry. I’ll make you something to eat.”

“You go ahead and work. I won’t disturb you.”

Once he was in the kitchen, out of Ji Jixuan’s sight, he raised his hands to cover his burning face.

His feet felt light, as if they were still cradled in Ji Jixuan’s hands.

He patted his cheeks to snap out of it.

He made a simple three-dish meal with soup, plated it, and turned around. Ji Jixuan was leaning against the kitchen island, quietly watching him.

Xu Lin jumped.

When had he come in? And without a sound?

He asked, “Are you done with work?”

“Not yet,” Ji Jixuan said.

Xu Lin reached for his apron strings. “Then let’s eat first. You can work after.”

His hands fumbled behind his back, maybe because Ji Jixuan had startled him, and he couldn’t undo the knot.

Just as he was fumbling, Ji Jixuan’s voice came from right behind him. “Don’t move.”

His hands trembled. Ji Jixuan’s cool fingers brushed against his.

Xu Lin slowly lowered his hands. He felt a tug at his lower back, and within seconds, the apron was undone.

He slipped it off. Then a light touch brushed the back of his neck.

He went stiff. Ji Jixuan’s fingers traced the bite marks on his skin.

“Does it hurt?” He rubbed the teeth marks.

Xu Lin shook his head. “I put on the medicine. It doesn’t hurt.”

He licked his lips, picked up two plates, and walked out. “Le-let’s eat.”

He set the dishes on the table and let out a long breath. Just as he was about to go back for the rest, a crash came from the kitchen—something had shattered.

He rushed in. Porcelain shards lay all over the floor.

Ji Jixuan seemed to have dropped an empty bowl.

“Are you okay… oh, your hand!”

Xu Lin looked up and saw blood pouring from Ji Jixuan’s hand. A gash lay across his palm, bleeding freely, dripping down his fingers and staining the carpet.

He grabbed Ji Jixuan’s hand, panicked at the sight. “How did this happen? I’ll get the medicine!”

He ran upstairs, and Ji Jixuan watched him go. Then he looked down, clenched his fist, dug his nails into the wound, and tore it wider.

Blood splattered.

Xu Lin came back with the medical kit, sat Ji Jixuan down on the sofa, disinfected the wound, applied medicine, and wrapped it in gauze. He was careful the whole time, afraid of hurting Ji Jixuan.

Sweat beaded on his forehead. His hands trembled. His lashes quivered as if he felt the pain more than Ji Jixuan did.

“How could you be so careless?” Xu Lin finished bandaging him, still worried. “Just to be safe, you should go to the hospital tomorrow. They’re more professional than I am. This wound is deep, I’m afraid it might get infected if I don’t handle it properly.

“Are you listening to me…?”

He looked up and met Ji Jixuan’s eyes. His voice trailed off, the last syllable dying under his tongue.

Ji Jixuan’s face was expressionless, as if the wound were just a mosquito bite.

He had been silently staring at Xu Lin from the start, his gaze dark and unreadable.

“What is it?” Xu Lin asked.

Ji Jixuan was quiet for a second. “It hurts a little.”

“It hurts?” Xu Lin gently cradled his hand and blew on his palm. As if blowing on the wound could ease the pain.

Xu Lin blew earnestly, his cheeks puffing out with each breath, trying to comfort Ji Jixuan in his clumsy way.

Ji Jixuan’s fingers curled slightly.

“Feeling better?” Xu Lin asked softly, noticing his fingers move.

Ji Jixuan’s Adam’s apple bobbed. After a long pause, he let out a low “Mm.”

Once the wound was treated, Xu Lin cleaned up the shards and ate his first meal of the day. Since Ji Jixuan’s hand was injured, Xu Lin fed him without thinking—taking a bite himself, then offering one to Ji Jixuan.

That’s what he’d done during his rut.

But this Ji Jixuan didn’t need coaxing.

Maybe he was genuinely hungry today unlike before, when he’d only take a few bites. Whatever Xu Lin fed him, he ate.

More than any other time.

Xu Lin was pleasantly surprised. He’d braced himself to finish everything, but they’d shared the meal and it was just the right amount.

Full and satisfied, Xu Lin loaded the dishes into the dishwasher. When he came out, Ji Jixuan was back at his laptop, typing away.

Xu Lin asked, “Working late tonight?”

He expected Ji Jixuan to say yes, to retreat to the study for the whole night. He was already thinking of making him coffee. Instead, Ji Jixuan closed the laptop.

“No.”

Xu Lin was surprised. Had he been wrong? Had Ji Jixuan’s two-week rut not left him with much backlog?

Late at night, they lay in the same bed.

Xu Lin slipped into Ji Jixuan’s arms with practiced ease. Careful not to put pressure on his injured hand, he gently cradled Ji Jixuan’s wrist.

He didn’t mind the extra effort.

As soon as he lay down, he felt drowsy. Strange, he’d slept all day, yet he was still tired.

Half-asleep, he heard Ji Jixuan call his name, “Xu Lin.”

He couldn’t open his eyes, but hummed in response.

“Why are you so good to me?” His voice was soft, but Xu Lin heard him.

Xu Lin let out a low laugh, groggy, pressing closer into Ji Jixuan’s arms. He thought it was a silly question.

“We’re married. If I’m not good to you, who else would I be good to? I like you, idiot.”

Xu Lin rarely took medication. The sleeping pill he’d been given that morning was still strong in his system. He fell asleep again quickly.

In the quiet room, Ji Jixuan gazed at the person so close to him.

Xu Lin was like a little dog—eyes closed, defenseless, trusting, belly exposed, completely at ease.

Ji Jixuan stared without blinking for a long time.

Xu Lin’s hair fell over his eyes. Ji Jixuan raised his hand and gently brushed it away. But his fingers lingered, tracing Xu Lin’s eyelids, his temples, his cheeks, the faint raised scar beneath his eye.

He touched it again and again.

Listening to Xu Lin’s breathing.

His heartbeat.

Thump, thump.

It was beating too fast.

Why was Xu Lin’s heart racing so fast?

He reached over and felt Xu Lin’s chest—his heartbeat was steady.

Not his.

The pounding in his ears continued.

Ji Jixuan slowly widened his eyes.

He froze, then reached for his own chest.

Thump, thump, thump.

A heartbeat on the verge of losing control.

His.