Chapter 24: Do you doubt me?

When Ji Jixuan came out, Xu Lin was sitting on the bed, holding his phone. Because he was looking down, a section of his nape was exposed above his collar, startlingly pale against the room’s lighting.

He didn’t look at Ji Jixuan at all; his attention was entirely on the phone. Ji Jixuan walked over and saw that Xu Lin wasn’t actually looking at anything. He was just staring blankly at a screen that had already gone dark. Ji Jixuan took the phone from his hands, unlocked it, and immediately understood.

Xu Lin’s voice was low and hoarse. “Why?”

Ji Jixuan sat down on the edge of the bed and answered with a question instead. “Why did you look at my phone?”

His tone and expression were calm, with no trace of guilt at being caught. Xu Lin was taken aback, confused by his composed reaction, and answered truthfully: “I sent you photos and didn’t hear the notification, so… I wasn’t trying to snoop.”

He’d given his answer. Ji Jixuan didn’t say anything more, just set the phone on the nightstand and fell silent.

Xu Lin felt like he was being roasted over a fire, burning with anxiety. “You still haven’t answered me.”

Ji Jixuan said frankly, “It’s my fault.”

He explained, “I’m busy every day and have many meetings. If my phone kept buzzing constantly, it would be distracting. And you send me hundreds of messages a day. I can’t read them all in time, so I had to do this.”

“…” Xu Lin picked at the blanket beneath his hands, saying nothing.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Xu Lin.”

The central air conditioning hummed steadily, keeping the room at a comfortable temperature, but Xu Lin felt cold all over. Goosebumps rose on his skin. Droplets of water from his still-damp hair rolled down his neck and into his bathrobe.

He unconsciously bit his lower lip, pressing too hard with his teeth and biting his tongue. A metallic taste filled his mouth. He grabbed a tissue from the nightstand, stuck out his tongue, and dabbed at the wound. The tissue was stained with tiny red spots. Xu Lin crumpled it up and kneaded it in his hands.

Ji Jixuan watched his movements.

Xu Lin ignored him and didn’t comment on his explanation. He just kept his head down, kneading the paper ball as if it were the most fascinating thing in the world.

“Xu Lin.” Ji Jixuan called his name.

That single call made Xu Lin, who had been trying to hold himself back, snap. He clenched his fist, his fingertips white from the pressure.

He couldn’t understand. “If I was bothering you by messaging you so often, couldn’t you have just told me? If you’d told me, I wouldn’t have sent so many. How could you…”

Putting your own partner on Do Not Disturb, who would be happy about that?

Xu Lin hesitated, then accused him, “That was really unfair.”

Once he started, he couldn’t stop.

“We’re married. We’re supposed to be together for life. No matter what happens, I want you to be the first to know. We’re the closest people to each other, aren’t we? How can you not read messages from the person closest to you? So many people message you, but you only ignored mine. That makes me feel…

“That makes me feel like you don’t like me.”

His voice faded at the end, as if just saying those words hurt him.

After he finished, Ji Jixuan was silent for a moment. He picked up the phone from the nightstand, tapped a few times, and showed it to Xu Lin.

The Do Not Disturb icon next to Xu Lin’s avatar was gone.

Even though the little bell with the slash was gone, Xu Lin still couldn’t feel happy.

A nail leaves a hole even after it’s pulled out.

“Are you still angry?” Ji Jixuan asked.

Xu Lin didn’t answer. He just kept crumpling the paper ball in his hand.

Ji Jixuan took the tissue from him and tossed it aside.

“It’s not that I don’t read them. I just don’t have time.” He said, “Don’t you trust me?”

Xu Lin: “…”

Ji Jixuan said, “Do you doubt me?”

Those two words struck Xu Lin like a jolt, making his brow twitch. For a newlywed, doubting your partner’s feelings was undoubtedly the biggest minefield.

He couldn’t stay silent any longer. Stammering, he said, “I-I’m not doubting you. It’s just, it’s just the first time I’ve encountered something like this. Anyone would think that way.”

“But we’re married, aren’t we? Why would you think that?”

“…” Xu Lin was speechless. Yes, they were married. Ji Jixuan had proposed to him with his own mouth, said he liked him, and recited the vows with him.

Ji Jixuan said, “I was wrong about this. But I have my difficulties too. Please don’t be angry with me anymore, okay? I promise this won’t happen again.”

Angry—he didn’t have the energy to be angry anymore. He was just a little upset.

Ji Jixuan had apologized. It wouldn’t be right for him to keep pushing. Besides, he really had been sending too many messages.

After a moment’s hesitation, Xu Lin decided to make things clear. “I won’t send so many messages anymore. I won’t send unimportant little things either. Don’t ignore my messages. Don’t put me on silent while everyone else isn’t. Don’t make me feel like I’m less important than a stranger.”

Ji Jixuan nodded and agreed. “Okay.”

Before going to sleep, the lights were turned off and the two lay in bed together.

The room was pitch black. Xu Lin couldn’t sleep. He quietly turned over, and in the darkness, he could only make out Ji Jixuan’s vague silhouette. He whispered, “Are you asleep?”

Ji Jixuan said, “Not yet.”

“Do you think I’m making a big deal out of nothing?”

“No.”

Xu Lin buried half his face in the blanket. “I don’t want to fight with you or make things unpleasant. I just want to understand things clearly. Marriage takes adjustment. I know that. We have a long time together. This is my first marriage too. I’m learning as I go. I want us to grow better together, slowly. I really love our home.” He genuinely wanted to make their marriage work.

Without any light, Xu Lin couldn’t see his expression. He heard no response from Ji Jixuan, only the steady sound of his breathing, letting him know Ji Jixuan was still there.

He reached out and hooked his pinky finger around Ji Jixuan’s. “I know you like me. And I like you too.”

“I’ve never doubted your feelings.”

He didn’t want Ji Jixuan to misunderstand. “Not now. Not ever.”

Xu Lin’s fingers slipped between Ji Jixuan’s, intertwining with them. “Since you said you like me, I believe you.”

He shifted closer, nestling against Ji Jixuan. “Did you hear me?”

“Mhm.” After a long moment, Ji Jixuan gave a low response.

Their conversation ended there.

Xu Lin lay quietly in his arms. He didn’t know how much time passed, but sleep still wouldn’t come. He bit his lip and asked a question he already knew the answer to: “Xuan-ge, can we get a marriage certificate? Just quietly, on the down low.”

Ji Jixuan didn’t answer.

Xu Lin propped himself up and reached out to touch his eyes. They were closed.

He was already asleep.

Xu Lin slowly withdrew his hand. He sat in the dark room with his eyes open for a long time, then leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to Ji Jixuan’s cheek. He settled back into the curve of Ji Jixuan’s neck and murmured, “It’s okay.”

Three days passed in a flash, and the day came for Ji Jixuan to leave.

As he was going out the door, Ji Jixuan took off the ring and placed it in the ring box by the entrance.

Xu Lin glanced at it but said nothing. He quietly tied Ji Jixuan’s tie for him. He didn’t ask for a kiss like last time—he just carefully straightened Ji Jixuan’s collar and saw him out.

Ji Jixuan got into a new car that Xu Lin had never seen before. Xu Lin glanced at the rearview mirror. It was empty, with no hanging ornaments.

He suddenly asked, “What happened to the old one?”

“Some engine trouble. I’m not driving it anymore.” Ji Jixuan said.

Xu Lin nodded at that and gave a faint smile. Ji Jixuan seemed to expect him to say more, but in the end, Xu Lin said nothing.

After that, Xu Lin kept his promise.

He didn’t message Ji Jixuan too often, no matter how much he missed him.

He only sent one message per day, but it was very long—like a diary entry, condensing everything that had happened that day into a single message.

He thought this way, he wouldn’t disturb Ji Jixuan, and Ji Jixuan would still know what he’d been up to.

On days when Ji Jixuan was away, besides wandering the mountains, Xu Lin would sometimes spend time in the media room watching movies.

The one he watched most often was the one they’d seen together at the cinema before their wedding.

He’d watched it so many times he could recite every line.

Ji Jixuan was still busy, coming back every few months, sometimes staying for two or three days, sometimes leaving shortly after arriving.

Soon, the weather grew cold and it was New Year’s Eve.

This was the first New Year of their marriage.

Xu Lin had been looking forward to spending it with Ji Jixuan. During his four years at school, he’d spent every New Year alone.

This time, he finally had someone to celebrate with.

On New Year’s Eve, he started working from early morning, decorating their home and preparing a feast. He worked until evening, waiting for Ji Jixuan to come back.

When darkness fell, he sat on the doorstep, wrapped in a scarf, hoping to see a light appear at the end of the mountain road, heading toward him. But he reheated the food again and again, and Ji Jixuan never showed.

When the second hand passed twelve, New Year’s Eve was over.

A new year had begun.

He’d thought that New Year’s Eve, such an important holiday, would surely bring Ji Jixuan home.

But it turned out he didn’t even have time for the New Year.

He’d been sitting at the door too long. His fingers were stiff with cold. He exhaled a puff of white breath and sniffled.

He took out his phone. He’d already used his one message for the day, and the one he’d sent had gone unanswered. But it was New Year’s Eve—an exception could be made.

With red, cold-stiffened fingers, he typed and sent, “Happy New Year.”

Ding.

The phone on the desk buzzed once.

Ji Jixuan barely lifted his eyelids. He didn’t move.

His face was pale, his muzzle on, sweat beading on his forehead. He was strapped to the chair beneath him, his wrists and ankles bound tightly with restraints that cut into his skin.

Scattered around his feet were over a dozen empty inhibitor bottles. His arm was covered in needle marks, the worst areas bruised purple, with blood still seeping from the puncture wounds.

The wristband on his arm beeped urgently, its screen flashing red, finally turning green after five days.

The sealed room had no windows, only a door with a keypad lock. Ji Jixuan looked up at the surveillance camera and rasped out three words: “I’m done.”

The sound of a code being entered came from outside. The door opened, and Zong Xi walked in, his face dark.

He unbuckled Ji Jixuan’s restraints. Ji Jixuan didn’t stand up right away. He tilted his head back against the chair, eyes closed, too weak to lift his arms.

His clothes were soaked with cold sweat. His Adam’s apple bobbed, each breath tasting of blood.

Zong Xi looked at him. “What are you going to do about this? Your ruts are getting more and more unstable.” He kicked an empty bottle on the floor. “These suppressants barely work on you anymore. You managed to tough it out this time, but what about next time? The time after that?”

Ji Jixuan didn’t open his eyes. “I’m working on it.”

Zong Xi sneered. “Working on it? Still thinking about those unrealistic plans? Do you think you can surpass your grandfather and create an S-rank KW-0304?”

“Why not?” Ji Jixuan said. “I’ve already developed it. Next time, I’ll test the new inhibitor.”

Zong Xi barely restrained himself from rolling his eyes. “Those are untested trial products. You don’t even know what side effects they have. The safety is unproven. You’re using them on yourself? Aren’t you afraid of killing yourself?

“…You’re treating yourself like a lab rat?”

After five days of torment, Ji Jixuan’s color hadn’t returned. He parted his dry, pale lips and said indifferently, “It wouldn’t be the first time. I have experience. I won’t die.”

Zong Xi: “…You might as well just find an Omega. That would solve all your problems.”

As soon as he said that, Ji Jixuan opened his eyes.