Chapter 71: I’m not an experienced fisherman

In the darkened dormitory, the sound of snoring filled the room. Xu Lin lay awake, his eyes wide open, his knees drawn to his chest as he sat at the head of the bed, staring at the water tracing paths down the windowpane.

The rain had fallen all night.

The next morning, after the daily ten-kilometer run, Xu Lin was wiping off sweat when Li Mu walked over. Taking in the dark circles under his eyes, he asked with concern, “What’s wrong? Didn’t you sleep well?”

Xu Lin had kept his eyes open all night and only managed a fitful doze in the early hours, perhaps an hour at most. He gave a vague reply. “A little.”

At breakfast, Xu Lin sat with Li Mu. Fang Rong was nowhere to be seen. “Where’s Fang Rong?” he asked.

Li Mu took a bite of his steamed bun. “He’s with Xiao Zhao.”

“Xiao Zhao?”

Li Mu realized Xu Lin did not know him and explained, “He’s my former captain’s son.”

“He died on a mission. Xiao Zhao is his only child. His mother’s health is poor and she spends most of her time in the hospital, so Xiao Zhao is often alone at home. We invite him to stay with us for a while every year. He just arrived this morning.”

Xu Lin listened to this for the first time, his feelings mixed. Since it was Li Mu’s captain, he must have been an exceptional person. It was a pity he had died so young.

After breakfast, Xu Lin offered to go see Xiao Zhao, and Li Mu took him along.

As they left, they crossed paths with a group of people. Even though they all wore the same shirts, Xu Lin immediately spotted Ji Jinxuan, the most conspicuous among them.

Xu Lin subtly took a small step to the right, using Li Mu’s body to shield most of himself.

Ji Jinxuan glanced his way and naturally caught the movement.

He did not stop walking.

As Xu Lin passed him, his lowered gaze caught a glimpse of Ji Jinxuan’s hand. He was wearing the white glove again. Clean and spotless.

They exchanged no words. Back to back, they walked in their separate directions, growing farther apart.

Training ground.

Xu Lin spotted a figure hanging from the horizontal bar in the distance—a large one and a small one. The large one was Fang Rong. The small one was likely Xiao Zhao.

He was a boy, perhaps twelve or thirteen years old. The two seemed to be in a contest. Fang Rong spotted Xu Lin and Li Mu approaching from afar. He snuck a glance at the boy beside him, gritting his teeth, then let out a yelp and dropped from the bar, rubbing his shoulders. “I’m done, I’m done. Can’t pull anymore.”

Sweating profusely, Xiao Zhao jumped down after him, displeased. “Don’t go easy on me.”

Fang Rong protested, “Who went easy on you? I trained hard yesterday. My arms are sore. When I’m better, we’ll go again. I’ll crush you.”

“Xiao Zhao,” Li Mu called.

“Li-ge!” Xiao Zhao spotted Li Mu and bounded over happily. Li Mu crouched down and wiped the sweat from his forehead. “Have you eaten?”

“Yes! Fang-ge brought me a whole lunchbox. I couldn’t even finish it.”

Xiao Zhao had thick eyebrows and big eyes, fair skin, and was quite handsome. But his limbs were slender, and he was not very tall. Compared to other children his age, he seemed to be developing slowly.

Xu Lin could see it, and so could Li Mu. He said, “You need to eat properly.”

Xiao Zhao said, “I’m already full. I can’t eat too much. If I eat too much, I’ll throw up.”

Fang Rong chimed in, “He only ate two pieces of meat and said he was full. He wouldn’t eat more. His appetite is so small. I thought it was strange and was about to mention it to you.”

He pulled Li Mu aside, lowering his voice so Xiao Zhao would not hear. “Maybe we should take him for a checkup. His mother’s in the hospital and can’t take care of him. Look how thin he is. He’s twelve, not a little kid anymore, and he still hasn’t differentiated.”

Li Mu nodded. “Okay.”

Aside from missions and training, they had plenty of time during the day. The three of them took a leave slip, got Xiao Zhao into the car, and headed to the hospital.

It was a dedicated military hospital, not far away, so the checkup would be convenient.

Xiao Zhao thought it was an outing. He pressed his face against the back window, excited. “Where are we going?”

Li Mu drove, and Fang Rong in the passenger seat turned around, smiling. “Somewhere fun. Sit tight.”

Xiao Zhao sat obediently, and Xu Lin fastened his seatbelt for him.

“Thanks, Li-gen!” he said sweetly.

Xu Lin smiled. “You’re welcome.”

When the car stopped at the hospital, Xiao Zhao realized he had been tricked. His smile turned to a pout. He clung to the seat, refusing to get out. Fang Rong had to drag him out, tucking him under his arm. Xiao Zhao was thin and light, and Fang Rong carried him like a handbag.

Xiao Zhao kicked his legs and shouted, “You liars! I don’t want to go to the hospital!”

“It’s just a checkup. It’ll be quick. It won’t hurt.”

“I’m healthy! I’m fine!”

“Bull.” Fang Rong ignored him and carried him straight through the hospital doors.

The checkup went smoothly. At first, Xiao Zhao still had the energy to resist. But when he realized there was no escape, he stopped fussing and followed Fang Rong with a dark expression.

Fang Rong led him from department to department.

While waiting for the results, to cheer up the sulking Xiao Zhao, Fang Rong bought him an ice cream. Children were easy to bribe. Licking the sweet popsicle, all his anger melted away.

“Still mad at me?” Fang Rong asked.

Xiao Zhao, with a ring of cream around his mouth, said, “Buy me another one and I won’t be.”

Fang Rong frowned. “You learn to push your luck, huh? You can’t eat a proper meal, but you’ve got room for ice cream?”

Xiao Zhao glared at him.

“Fine, fine, I’ll buy it. Just one more. Too many will give you a stomach ache.”

Xiao Zhao, holding his half-eaten popsicle, cheered and spun around. “I know, I know!”

Fang Rong took Xiao Zhao to buy another popsicle, leaving Xu Lin and Li Mu alone in the hallway.

The air grew quiet.

After a moment, Xu Lin blinked and spoke. “Li-ge.”

“What is it?” Li Mu asked softly.

“About that question. Can I give you my answer now?”

Li Mu’s smile faltered. He studied Xu Lin’s expression for a long moment, then said, “Go ahead.”

Xu Lin had brought up the topic, but he hesitated, unsure how to begin. He leaned back in his chair, his head down, hands clasped together as he unconsciously picked at his nails.

It took him a long time to organize his thoughts. “I used to love an Alpha.”

“We were together for six years. Then, for some reasons, we broke up. I capsized with him.” He forced a smile, trying to sound lighthearted. “You know, once you’ve capsized, you tend to develop a fear of the sea. I’m not an experienced fisherman.”

Xu Lin dared not look up. He saw from the corner of his eye that Li Mu was watching him intently. He felt like he was sitting on pins and needles. He licked his lips.

Li Mu listened quietly. After a while, he asked, “So, you’re planning to stay on shore forever, never stepping onto another boat?”

“Yes.” Xu Lin moved his head stiffly, nodding. “The shore is where I belong. I don’t want to step into a place that isn’t right for me.”

Afraid Li Mu might misunderstand, he quickly added, “It’s not that you’re not good enough. It’s me…” He continued, “I’m afraid of the sea.”

Li Mu fell silent.

The air between them seemed to freeze.

The chair beside him shifted as Li Mu leaned back, staring at the ceiling. “I see,” he murmured.

He did not ask about the Alpha, nor what had happened during those six years. He just sat beside Xu Lin.

Xu Lin did not know what he was thinking.

After a long pause, Li Mu suddenly grinned. “Then I’ll stay with you.”

Xu Lin was confused. “What?”

“If you don’t like the sea, there’s no need to take a boat.” Li Mu said, “I’ll stay on the shore with you.”

Xu Lin stammered, “You don’t have to…”

“Can’t I stay with you?” Li Mu asked. “As your brother?”

Xu Lin was taken aback. Then he smiled. The heavy weight on his heart lifted at last, and he could breathe again.

“I’m sorry, Li-ge.”

“Don’t say that.”

Xu Lin was still uneasy. “Can we still be the same as before?” He did not want to grow distant from Li Mu because of this.

Li Mu reached out and gave Xu Lin’s crew cut a rough rub, pressing down firmly. “Of course, you idiot.”

Xu Lin’s head was pushed down. When he looked up again, he saw Li Mu’s smiling face.

Seeing him smile, Xu Lin smiled too, rubbing his neck. “That hurt.”

Li Mu said, “Yeah, right.”

They both grinned like fools. The machine on the wall showed Xiao Zhao’s report was ready. Li Mu stood up. “I’ll go get it.”

He went into the examination room to pick up the report. Ten minutes passed, and he still had not come out.

Xu Lin thought it was strange and was about to go in when Fang Rong returned with Xiao Zhao.

Xiao Zhao was holding a strawberry popsicle. He sat down beside Xu Lin and happily nibbled on it.

Fang Rong looked around. “Where’s the captain?”

Xu Lin pointed to the room across from them. “He went in to get the report. He hasn’t come out yet.”

“Alright, I’ll go take a look.” Fang Rong said, gesturing toward Xiao Zhao. “Watch him for me.”

Xu Lin nodded.

Another ten minutes passed. Xiao Zhao had long finished his popsicle. He chewed on the wooden stick, sucking the remaining flavor.

He swung his legs and muttered, “Why is it taking so long?”

Xu Lin thought for a moment, then stood up. “Stay here. Don’t wander off. I’ll be right back.”

“Okay,” Xiao Zhao said obediently.

Xu Lin was about to go in when Li Mu and Fang Rong came out of the room. Their faces did not look good.

Xu Lin froze. He glanced back at Xiao Zhao, who was still oblivious, then took the report from Li Mu and scanned it quickly. When he reached the bottom, his expression changed too.

—Long-term insufficient nutrient intake, decreased growth hormone and growth factors, gland atrophy.

It was exactly the same conclusion as his own report from years ago.

On the way back, Xiao Zhao sensed that the mood in the car was different from when they had arrived.

He leaned against the passenger seat and poked Fang Rong’s shoulder.

“Fang-ge.”

Fang Rong turned to look at him. “What is it?”

Xiao Zhao asked, “Is there something wrong with my body?”

Fang Rong was startled, then smiled. “No,” he said, imitating Xiao Zhao’s tone. “You’re fine. Healthy.”

Xiao Zhao glanced at him, said, “Oh,” and sat back without another word.

Back at the base, Xiao Zhao wanted to read picture books. Xu Lin took him to the library. He picked a few books and sat at the table, reading quietly. He did not ask any more questions.

Xu Lin stayed with him for a while, feeling heavy-hearted. He told Xiao Zhao he would be back, then stepped outside, found the smoking area, and lit a cigarette.

He remembered Li Mu and Fang Rong’s conversation at the hospital.

After the diagnosis of Xiao Zhao’s gland atrophy, they had both looked grim.

Li Mu’s captain had been a high-grade Alpha, so they had naturally assumed Xiao Zhao would differentiate into one too. That assumption had led them to overlook his living conditions and fail to intervene in time.

Xiao Zhao’s mother took care of him alone. She was unwell and often in the hospital. Xiao Zhao was a thoughtful child. To avoid worrying his sick mother, he took care of himself when she was away. But he was still young, not as capable or careful as an adult.

His mother would leave him meals and money to buy food. But Xiao Zhao was reluctant to spend the money; he wanted to save it for his mother’s medical bills. He would ration the meals she left, often stretching a few dishes over several days, reheating them again and again. The rest of the time, he would make do with instant food. Over time, he had become malnourished.

Li Mu was frustrated. “It’s my fault. If I had noticed sooner…”

“It’s not your fault. It’s no use saying that now. What’s done is done. We’ll find a way to treat him.”

“This isn’t an easy illness to treat.”

“Wait, no! There is a way!” Fang Rong suddenly remembered. “Didn’t Chief Ji develop a new medication specifically for gland atrophy? He’s brilliant. He’ll know what to do. And he’s here right now. It’s fate! Let’s go ask him!”

“But we don’t know if the medication will work for Xiao Zhao… Still,” Li Mu said, “we don’t have any other options. Let’s do it.”

Xu Lin had listened to their entire conversation without saying a word, without offering an opinion.

He leaned against the wall and flicked the ash off his cigarette.

Tap, tap.

Someone knocked on the glass door of the smoking area.

He turned. Xiao Zhao stood outside, his hand still raised.

Xu Lin stubbed out his cigarette and brushed off his clothes to get rid of the smell of smoke. He opened the door and crouched down in front of Xiao Zhao.

“Finished reading?”

Xiao Zhao nodded. “Can I go back now?” He meant the small dormitory room they had set up for him. He always stayed there when he visited.

Xu Lin was puzzled. “Of course.”

Xiao Zhao said, “Would I be in the way?”

Xu Lin paused.

Xiao Zhao kept his head down, his toe scuffing the ground. “Are Li-ge and Fang-ge keeping something from me? Did I do something wrong?”

“No, you didn’t.”

Xiao Zhao would not look up. Xu Lin could only see his pointed chin and his tightly pressed lips. “Am I sick? Is it something serious?”

Xu Lin softened his voice. “Why do you ask?”

Xiao Zhao mumbled, “When my father died, they didn’t tell me either. They were afraid I’d be sad, so they kept making excuses. I figured it out a long time ago. I knew. They hide things from me. My mother hides things too. They’re not very good at acting. The looks on their faces at the hospital just now—they were exactly the same as when they lied to me back then.”

Xiao Zhao looked up, the composure he had held onto all this time finally crumbling. His eyes were red, on the verge of tears.

“So… am I going to die too?”