Chapter 84: To live just a little longer

Xu Lin felt that he had too much time on his hands.

So much so that he simply stood outside the door, watching Ji Jinxuan eat that entire box of ribs.

Somehow, he too tasted bitterness on his tongue.

He stood for a moment, said nothing, and left quietly.

When Pu Sha finished washing the dishes and came out, only Little Fatty was in the yard. He was crouched on the ground, looking miserable. When Pu Sha asked, he told him about seeing Ji Jinxuan and what he had done.

“…And then Lin-ge stormed out.” Little Fatty looked confused. “Why was he so angry?”

Pu Sha did not answer. He patted Little Fatty on the shoulder. “It’s okay. You go on home.”

After Little Fatty left, Pu Sha sat in the yard, waiting for Xu Lin to return.

He took a phone call. The person on the other end said something, and Pu Sha sounded nervous. “Don’t come over. Xu Lin is still here.”

A few more exchanges. “What are you saying? He only just got home for the New Year. How would it look if I didn’t stay with him?”

“Just take care of yourself. I’ll visit when I have a chance.”

“When? I can’t say for sure. What’s the rush? We just saw each other a few days ago.”

“Don’t be difficult. He’s been in a bad mood lately. I can’t just leave him.”

“What do you mean your mood is bad too… Why are you competing over this?”

At this point, Pu Sha remembered someone. “Do you want to take him back? He is your brother, after all. If you talk to him properly, he should listen.”

A firm voice came from the other end of the line. “No.”

Pu Sha went on with the conversation, occasionally glancing toward the gate. Almost an hour had passed. Why hadn’t he come back yet?

“I have to go. I’m going to look for him.”

Ignoring the sudden shouts from the other end, Pu Sha hung up and headed outside.

He had just opened the gate when he saw someone crouching on the ground outside. He was startled.

“Xu Lin?” Pu Sha pressed a hand to his racing heart. “When did you get back? What are you doing crouching out here?”

Xu Lin was quiet, crouched on the ground, idly playing with the snow.

Seeing his reaction, Pu Sha relaxed. He probably had not heard his phone conversation. He let out a relieved breath.

He crouched down beside Xu Lin. “What’s wrong?”

Xu Lin was holding snow. His palms and fingertips were red and stiff from the cold. Pu Sha brushed the snow off his hands. They were cold as ice.

He quickly pulled him inside. He sat Xu Lin down in a chair and wet a towel with hot water, wiping Xu Lin’s hands. Xu Lin sat quietly, lost in thought.

Pu Sha could not stand seeing him like this. He suggested, “Maybe you should have a proper talk with him.”

He seemed to know what was troubling Xu Lin. “Maybe after talking, you’ll feel better.”

Talk? But how? Hadn’t they talked enough? They had rehashed the same old words many times. Had it been useful?

Xu Lin shook his head.

“Then tell me,” Pu Sha said. “I’ll listen. Okay?”

The sight of Xu Lin crouching in the snow broke Pu Sha’s heart. If he had someone to talk to, he would not look so lost.

Xu Lin had indeed been holding a lot in. After a moment’s hesitation, he began to speak, his words tumbling out.

“Before, when he treated me so badly, I thought I hated him.”

Once he started, it was easier to continue. “When I was angriest, I even told him to go die. But then, after three years, I thought I had grown. I thought if I saw him again, I could face him calmly, without any emotional reaction.”

“I was wrong,” he murmured. “I haven’t. Every time he says he wants to start over with me, I get angry. I’m angry about our past. From the very beginning, he lied to me, used fake love to keep me in the capital. Then he said he loved me and turned me into an Omega against my will. He’s terrible.

“But if he’s so terrible, why can he see other people’s struggles and help them? Before, and now too… I can’t even tell if he’s sincere or pretending. I can’t see through him. He’s not as good as I thought, but… maybe he’s not as bad either.”

Xu Lin kept his head down, picking at his hand, unable to forget what he had seen earlier. “The ribs fell on the floor just now, and he picked them up and ate them… They were covered in dirt, too salty, terrible. He’s never been like this before. He’s not that kind of person. He’s so annoying. I really hate him.” Xu Lin frowned. “When you hate someone, aren’t you supposed to want them to suffer? To be happy when they’re miserable?”

He could not finish.

Pu Sha asked, “But you weren’t happy seeing him like that, were you?”

Xu Lin’s lashes trembled. He fell silent.

“I feel so conflicted. I hate him, but it doesn’t go deep enough.”

He grabbed his head, burying his face in his knees, and said painfully, “My mind is so full. I can’t figure it out. I feel awful.”

Pu Sha hugged him, patting his back gently.

“Do you know why you feel this way?”

Xu Lin looked up at him. Pu Sha said, “Because you’re not a bad person either, Xu Lin.”

“The world isn’t just black and white. People aren’t either. I can’t say much about your past with him, because I’m an outsider. But you, you lived through it all. So everything has to be decided by you.”

That night, Xu Lin lay in bed, tossing and turning.

He could not sleep. He got up, opened the window, and let the cold wind rush in, sharpening his senses. He sat by the window, staying there all night.

The next day, Little Fatty came by for breakfast and casually mentioned, “That guy is gone.”

“I passed by there this morning. The door was locked. He seems to have left.”

Xu Lin, sipping his soy milk, blinked and said nothing.

Little Fatty handed him a fried dough stick and smiled sheepishly. “Lin-ge, are you still mad at me? I won’t play pranks like that anymore. Please don’t be angry.”

Xu Lin said, “I’m not angry,” and continued drinking his soy milk.

Little Fatty did not notice anything amiss.

Only Pu Sha silently watched Xu Lin. After a long moment, he let out a sigh.

Ji Jinxuan had left District Thirteen. He had disappeared overnight. The apartment he had bought was locked up, an abandoned building standing silently in the snow.

Xu Lin’s twenty-day leave ended. Ji Jinxuan did not reappear.

The sound of violent coughing came from the quiet treatment room. Ji Jinxuan sat on the edge of the bed, his heaving chest producing sounds like tearing flesh. Blood gushed from his mouth, staining his hospital gown, the sheets, and the floor with a large, terrifying pool.

He struggled, pulling out the IV in his arm. The machines let out sharp alarms.

“Mr. Ji! Please calm down!”

“Please lie down. Don’t move!”

Doctors and nurses rushed in at the sound of the alarms and tried to restrain him. Ji Jinxuan shoved them away roughly, his pale face contorted. “Give me the medicine!”

Frozen in fear, no one dared to act on their own. Ji Jinxuan pushed past them and headed for the door.

Just then, someone strode in from outside.

Without a word, a punch landed on Ji Jinxuan’s face.

“Ji Jinxuan!” Zong Xi had not held back. The blow sent Ji Jinxuan staggering back, his cheekbone red. Zong Xi was furious. “Have you lost your mind?!”

If it were not for the blood on Ji Jinxuan’s chin and clothes, Zong Xi would have hit him again.

This was the longest they had ever gone without speaking. Zong Xi had thought it would last longer. Then he received a phone call that forced him to break the silence.

The message was brief. “Ji Jinxuan is preparing to have his gland removed.”

Those few words chilled Zong Xi to the bone.

Gland removal meant surgically extracting the gland at the back of the neck, which was connected to countless brain nerves. It was a last resort for patients whose gland had deteriorated to the point of death. It was the most dangerous surgery for Alphas and Omegas.

In previous cases, the success rate was only fifty percent. If successful, the patient would become a Beta without pheromones, sometimes even weaker than a natural Beta, with a shortened lifespan.

Failure meant death.

Unless there was no other option, no one chose this high-risk procedure.

Zong Xi could not understand why Ji Jinxuan would want to do this. Had he forgotten what happened to his brother? Ji Hongyun had carved out his own gland and slept for years. He had been lucky to survive. Others had died. Was Ji Jinxuan following in his footsteps? Had he finally lost his mind?

After the call, Zong Xi rushed to the hospital. Ji Jinxuan was already scheduling the surgery. Zong Xi immediately ordered it stopped.

The surgeons, who had been forced into it, were relieved. They knew the importance of the gland. Given Ji Jinxuan’s identity and S-grade status, they could not bear the consequences if something went wrong. They gladly backed off.

Zong Xi confined Ji Jinxuan to the hospital, with medical staff constantly attending to him.

Because of the reverse marking and the long absence of Xu Lin’s pheromones, Ji Jinxuan’s gland was already at a critical point. On top of that, he was taking a highly toxic suppressant. The dosage he consumed was well beyond the safe limit, worsening his condition.

But that alone would not have caused him to cough up blood. After a thorough examination and blood tests, Zong Xi discovered that Ji Jinxuan was also taking another drug—a banned substance that destroyed the gland.

The combination of the two drugs had taken a toll, and coughing up blood was only the first symptom.

Zong Xi did not understand. “Why are you doing this?” he demanded.

Ji Jinxuan’s reasoning was simple.

Without Xu Lin’s pheromones, he would not survive. He knew Xu Lin hated him and wanted nothing to do with him. He would not provide his pheromones.

His existence only caused Xu Lin pain.

Even hiding and watching from afar was a burden.

He knew Xu Lin would never return to him. But he wanted to stay with him as long as possible.

By removing his gland, he would no longer be plagued by pheromones. Without Xu Lin’s pheromones, he could still live. As a Beta, he could live just a little longer than as an Alpha.