Chapter 64: What then, if you find him?

Ji Jinxuan drifted in and out of consciousness, unable to tell day from night.

Most of the time, he slept, dreaming strange, disjointed dreams. He dreamed of Xu Lin, of him howling in rage in a cage, of him crying. He dreamed of a dark figure smashing a glass photo frame in despair. Glass flew everywhere, shards cutting his skin. Blood spread beneath his feet, slowly corroding the strange wedding photo, swallowing the two people in it. Swarms of paper dragonflies were drawn by the scent of blood, landing one by one on the surface, their wings soaked, drowning in the pool of blood.

“How could you do this to me!”

Ji Jinxuan woke up, his chest aching, unable to breathe.

He was strapped to the hospital bed, unable to move.

How many days had it been?

He did not know the time.

None of the doctors or nurses dared to speak to him or loosen his restraints. Ji Jinxuan was confined, his view mostly limited to the hospital ceiling.

He missed Xu Lin terribly.

But Xu Lin was not there. Xu Lin had left him.

Occasionally, Zong Xi would visit, standing silently outside the glass window, watching him for a moment before leaving. As if deliberately avoiding any conversation that might lead to Ji Jinxuan’s inevitable questions.

Not just Zong Xi—anyone who appeared before Ji Jinxuan avoided the topic of “Xu Lin.”

Every day, the doctor administered medication into Ji Jinxuan’s gland. Ji Jinxuan could tell it contained Xu Lin’s pheromones.

“He came, didn’t he?”

The doctor avoided his gaze and did not answer.

The lack of an answer was answer enough.

The last thing Ji Jinxuan saw before losing consciousness was Xu Lin breaking free from his grip and disappearing into the sea.

At least now he knew Xu Lin was safe.

Ji Jinxuan closed his eyes. He felt Xu Lin’s pheromones flowing through his body. Even though they brought him pain, they also brought him satisfaction, a craving. Xu Lin’s scent enveloped him, as if that person were still by his side. So he accepted the pain willingly.

It had not been a dream. When he had been delirious, he had heard Xu Lin’s voice, seen his blurry figure. It had been real. Xu Lin had come, seen his condition, and offered his pheromones.

He was always so kind. That was who he was.

He had come. And he had left.

After half a month of treatment, Ji Jinxuan’s heat cycles stabilized, and the restraints were finally removed.

The moment he could stand, he rushed to leave.

He did not make it past the hospital gate before Zhuang Xun intercepted him.

Zhuang Xun kept his word. Six months of confinement meant six months. Not a day less. No matter what Ji Jinxuan said, Zhuang Xun would not let him go.

“If you walk out that door, everything you’ve worked for will be for nothing. You’ve finally established yourself in the military academy. Are you willing to throw it all away?”

That shut Ji Jinxuan down.

Originally, Zhuang Xun had chosen the Ji family estate for his confinement, but Ji Jinxuan refused. He suggested another location: the villa in the mountains. His and Xu Lin’s home.

As long as Ji Jinxuan cooperated, Zhuang Xun did not care where he served his time. He posted guards around the villa, watching Ji Jinxuan, forbidding him from leaving or contacting the outside world.

Confinement was not meant to be comfortable. Those who made mistakes had to learn their lesson.

Ji Jinxuan stayed in the house that was filled with traces of Xu Lin. It felt like a surreal dream.

The person he used to see with a turn of his head was gone. His voice and smile still lingered in Ji Jinxuan’s mind, but he had vanished without a trace.

A house with only one person was so quiet, so empty, like a cage.

Xu Lin had lived like this alone for so long.

Ji Jinxuan mimicked Xu Lin, watching the movie Xu Lin had played over and over again in the media room. Once, twice, again.

The room was dark, lit only by the faint glow of the screen on his face.

He stared at the screen, lost in thought.

“Marriage is not something to be joked about.”

Suddenly, Xu Lin’s voice sounded beside him. He turned his head. Xu Lin was holding a bucket of popcorn, his eyes bright, speaking with utmost seriousness. He was sitting right beside him, within reach.

Ji Jinxuan reached out. His hand passed through Xu Lin’s face, and the figure dissolved like mist.

There was no Xu Lin. He was alone.

He found Xu Lin’s colored paper. These colorful sheets were placed everywhere in the villa. Some in the study drawers, some casually left by the vase in the hallway.

Xu Lin folded paper dragonflies quickly and easily. Ji Jinxuan had never folded one before. He did not know how. A piece of paper was crumpled and torn between his fingers, and only after much effort did he produce a clumsy, ugly paper dragonfly.

He instinctively wanted to show it off to Xu Lin. “Look, I can fold them too.”

Holding the ugly dragonfly, he looked at the empty room and fell silent.

Ji Jinxuan had never let anyone clean the guest room. It was where Xu Lin had spent most of his time before leaving. The room still carried Xu Lin’s scent.

Every night, he lay on the bed Xu Lin had slept on, pulling the pillow into his arms. He buried his face in it and breathed in deeply. A faint trace of Xu Lin’s scent remained.

Only a little. Day by day, it faded. Soon, there would be nothing left, just like Xu Lin himself.

Ji Jinxuan tightened his arms, wanting to tear open his own flesh and stuff the pillow that still held Xu Lin’s scent into his chest. His tall frame curled up, clinging to this intangible, insignificant trace, unmoving for a long time.

This went on for a long time.

Ji Jinxuan lost track of time. He did not want to know. When awake, he paced through the three floors, spending entire days in the places Xu Lin used to stay. When asleep, he lay on Xu Lin’s bed, holding the pillow that had long lost his scent, falling asleep with longing and waking from nightmares.

Day after day, the monotonous routine continued.

Until one day, Zhuang Xun came.

Ji Jinxuan had served his six months. His confinement was over.

He was free.

During those six months, his heat cycles had not recurred. Thanks to the pheromones Xu Lin had left behind. The doctor had extracted twenty milliliters of pheromones from Xu Lin. After Ji Jinxuan’s initial treatment, before leaving the hospital, the doctor handed over the remaining amount to Ji Jinxuan.

“Though you’ve stabilized for now, we must still be prepared.”

Ji Jinxuan’s recovery was only temporary. No one knew when his heat cycles would return. The “reverse mark” meant Ji Jinxuan could only rely on Xu Lin’s pheromones. Xu Lin had helped once, but there would not be a second time.

Xu Lin’s pheromones were his nourishment. Xu Lin was his medicine. He could not abuse them. Once they were gone, they were gone.

The moment he was free, Ji Jinxuan wasted no time heading straight for District Thirteen.

Zhuang Xun did not stop him.

Ji Jinxuan had eagerly anticipated their reunion after half a year apart. But when he arrived in District Thirteen and found the school, Xu Lin was not there.

He met Xu Lin’s teacher instead.

The man named Pu Sha. The Beta who had loved Ji Hongyun.

Ji Jinxuan’s men surrounded the school. A large group of Alphas from the capital descending on District Thirteen—it was the first such scene in over a decade. The news spread like wildfire as soon as they set foot on the district’s soil.

Crowds of onlookers gathered outside the school. The students huddled in their classrooms, peering curiously at these well-dressed, stern-faced strangers.

In the office, Pu Sha took off his glasses and rubbed his brow. “I don’t know where he is.”

Ji Jinxuan said coldly, “You’re lying.”

Pu Sha sighed helplessly. “If you don’t believe me, feel free to search.”

He had searched. Ji Jinxuan had turned District Thirteen upside down but found no trace of Xu Lin.

He could not have vanished so completely.

Six months was too long. Long enough for Xu Lin to find a hiding place. But no matter how well hidden, there should be some clue.

Someone was helping him.

Ji Jinxuan was furious. If only he had come sooner. If only he had followed Xu Lin when he fell into the sea, none of this would have happened.

After half a year of suppression, his longing to see Xu Lin was overwhelming. He could not wait another moment.

Xu Lin cared most about his teacher. He would not keep anything from him. If he had decided to go somewhere, he would have told his teacher. But Pu Sha was clearly determined not to tell him.

Seeing Ji Jinxuan had no intention of leaving, Pu Sha sighed and asked, “What then, if you find him?”

Ji Jinxuan was silent.

“You’ll take him back with you? Would he want that?” Pu Sha said, “You’ve done so many terrible things to him. I think separation is the best outcome for both of you.”

Ji Jinxuan could not stand to hear the word “separation.” He frowned. “What do you know?”

“Do you love him?” Pu Sha suddenly asked. “Do you?”

Before Ji Jinxuan could answer, he continued, “But is your love so precious that he must accept it just because you give it? You deceived him into staying in Dan City. You said you loved him on your own terms. You turned him into an Omega against his will. Is that love? That’s selfishness.”

Pu Sha stood up and walked over to Ji Jinxuan.

He was not as tall as Ji Jinxuan, but there was no hint of looking up to him in his gaze. His voice was soft but firm. “If you don’t treat him as your equal, if you don’t learn respect, if you don’t learn understanding, then the two of you will only waste more time, and Xu Lin will only hate you more.”

“Let him go. Let him live a better life.”

Ji Jinxuan clenched his fists. After a moment, he calmly slipped his veined hands into his pockets and looked at Pu Sha. “Like you and Ji Hongyun?”

Pu Sha was taken aback.

Ji Jinxuan looked around the office, then through the window at the gray, dusty playground below. The environment here was incomparable to the capital.

“A better life? Is that what this is?” Ji Jinxuan said. “If you could choose again, would you still leave Ji Hongyun and live like this?”

Pu Sha said, “Yes.”

“With no regrets?” Ji Jinxuan pressed.

“Yes.”

Ji Jinxuan raised an eyebrow. “If my half-dead brother heard that, he’d probably be pissed.”

He and Ji Hongyun were brothers, after all. He would naturally side with his brother.

Pu Sha did not answer. He said, “I have a class to teach, Mr. Ji. Please leave.”

“That shot back then—didn’t it kill you?”

Pu Sha gritted his teeth, thinking he was being mocked. “Yes, I got lucky. Thanks to your family.”

Ji Jinxuan said, “If that bullet that hit you in the chest hadn’t been swapped, you might be even luckier now.”

Thump. Pu Sha’s heart skipped a beat.

He stared at Ji Jinxuan, his lips pressed together. After a long moment, he finally parted them, his voice hoarse. “…What do you mean?”

Ji Jinxuan said, “The one who wanted you dead was Ji Wang—my and Ji Hongyun’s grandfather. Ji Hongyun had intended to use a tranquilizer dart to put you in a fake death state and then find a way to run away with you. But the old man switched it for a real bullet without him knowing. Ji Hongyun had no idea. He fired—”

Ji Hongyun fired, thinking everything would go according to plan. Pu Sha would lose consciousness from the tranquilizer and fall into the sea. Ji Hongyun had arranged for people to secretly move Pu Sha to a safe place underwater. But he did not know the bullet he fired was real. Blood gushed from Pu Sha’s chest. Ji Hongyun realized it in that instant, but it was too late.

Ji Wang had swapped the bullets and secretly withdrawn the people Ji Hongyun had arranged. Pu Sha was shot and fell into the sea. With a fatal wound and no one to save him, there was no chance of survival.

So.

“Realizing he had killed you by mistake, believing he had taken your life, Ji Hongyun couldn’t bear it. He carved out his own gland and tried to kill himself.”

Pu Sha stood frozen, a wooden statue, forgetting to even blink.

“He didn’t succeed, of course. But he’s not far from it now. And you, luckily, didn’t die either. What good luck, Teacher Pu.”

Pu Sha seemed to have lost his soul, dazed, struck senseless by this thunderbolt of truth.

“Can this long-delayed truth buy me a clue?”

Ji Jinxuan asked, “Now, can you tell me where Xu Lin has gone?”