Chapter 50: Your love is terrifying

Xu Lin met Qin Yu again.

When he woke up, he was lying on a bed in the treatment room on the third floor. Qin Yu, wearing a mask, was putting several vials of blood samples into a storage container.

Before he could exchange pleasantries with Qin Yu, the moment his bodily sensations returned, a sharp pain at the back of his neck made him suck in a breath. He reached up to touch it—his fingertip met a strange sensation. A patch of some sort was stuck to his neck.

He was about to tear it off when Qin Yu, seeing his movement, said, “Don’t move. That’s a medicated patch to prevent infection. It needs to stay on for a few days.”

Xu Lin was confused. “Medicated patch? …What did you do?”

Qin Yu remained composed. “Nothing much. Just a simple check-up. Drew some blood.”

Xu Lin pressed his palm against the burning skin at the back of his neck, puzzled. “You drew blood from here?”

Qin Yu smiled and nodded, saying nothing more.

“Where is he?” Xu Lin did not see Ji Jinxuan.

Qin Yu said, “Mr. Ji is outside. He asked me to come treat your scar.” He gestured vaguely toward the corner of Xu Lin’s forehead.

What was Ji Jinxuan up to now? Earlier, when Xu Lin had asked him to call Doctor Qin over, he had refused. Now, why was he so eager to treat his face?

On Xu Lin’s feet, only the decorative gold anklet remained—the shackle that had restricted his movement was gone.

He got out of bed. Qin Yu did not stop him.

He opened the door and walked out. Ji Jinxuan was outside, leaning against the wall with an unlit cigarette between his lips. When his eyes met Xu Lin’s, he paused and lowered the hand holding his lighter.

Xu Lin had not forgotten what Ji Jinxuan had done. Time and again, Ji Jinxuan seemed to find it amusing to toy with him, relentlessly playing these boring games. Getting angry at him seemed like a waste of energy, a waste of time. He ignored Ji Jinxuan and turned back to the guest room.

Ji Jinxuan stared blankly at his retreating figure.

After Xu Lin had disappeared, Qin Yu emerged carrying his case.

He called out to Ji Jinxuan. Ji Jinxuan snapped out of his daze, lit the cigarette in his mouth, took two deep drags, and said, “Go ahead.”

Qin Yu nodded slightly and left.

Xu Lin went into the bathroom, tore off the patch on his neck, and looked in the mirror.

The skin at the back of his neck was reddened, with several obvious purple needle marks. He pressed gently and winced in pain.

Was this really just a blood draw? Why would drawing blood hurt this much?

He sniffed the patch—it did have a strong medicinal smell.

He did not think much of it. The old doctor had drawn blood before too. Maybe it was just part of the routine?

His neck hurt too much. Trusting Qin Yu’s medical skill, Xu Lin put the patch back on.

He touched the faint scar curving down from his forehead. Fine. He would let it be treated. Once his face was healed, there would be one less tie between him and Ji Jinxuan.

Ji Jinxuan disappeared for half a month.

Xu Lin did not know where he had gone.

With Ji Jinxuan absent and his feet no longer locked, Xu Lin could move around the house. But wherever he went, someone followed him, and no one dared to speak to him. He was absolutely forbidden from entering the kitchen—the moment he came near, a housekeeper would block his way, looking so distressed that she was practically ready to push him back.

The Alphas in the yard were the same—they would not talk to him or look at him. But the moment Xu Lin turned away, he could feel their eyes on him.

Slipping away under so many watchful eyes was next to impossible.

Qin Yu had changed his routine. Instead of coming once a week, he came every day. What he did was no different from before—he shuttled Xu Lin through various machines in the treatment room, the process unchanged.

The medicated patch was changed daily, and the needle marks soon faded.

In addition to the machine treatments, Qin Yu also prescribed oral medication. He had taken pills before, but the latest prescription was a concentrated liquid that had to be boiled for a long time, reduced to a small bowl of bitter, fishy-smelling broth.

Just smelling it was unbearable, let alone drinking it.

Qin Yu urged him. “This is more effective than the previous ones. Drink it and you’ll recover faster.”

So every day, a bowl of the medicine was brought to Xu Lin’s lips by Qin Yu himself, who watched him drink it down.

As he got used to the taste, it no longer seemed so bitter. But his body grew heavier day by day. His head was foggy, his limbs weak—like he had a cold, constantly drowsy.

Strangest of all was the back of his neck. It felt swollen and hot from the inside.

He touched himself—he did not have a fever, and outwardly he looked fine. When he asked Qin Yu about it, Qin Yu said he was probably just tired. Xu Lin almost laughed. Tired? He had not done a thing—how could he be tired?

“It might be a side effect of the medication. Drowsiness and fatigue are normal. Don’t overthink it.”

“Get plenty of rest.”

Half a month later, late one night, Ji Jinxuan suddenly returned.

Xu Lin was jolted awake by a bite.

His canine teeth pierced through the back of Xu Lin’s neck, the pain wrenching him from sleep.

In the pitch-black room, someone was pressing down on him from behind. Xu Lin struggled—he could not break free. He reached back, grabbed the person’s hair, and pulled.

He had been sleeping a lot lately, longer than usual, and he had little strength. Just waking up, his weak resistance was like an ant trying to shake a tree—the person did not budge.

“Ji Jinxuan!” Xu Lin’s voice was hoarse, his tone angry. He did not understand why Ji Jinxuan was ambushing him.

Ji Jinxuan did not move. He held Xu Lin’s waist and bit deeper.

Perhaps he bit too hard, hitting something. Xu Lin’s vision went dark. He let out a low cry, his eyelids twitching uncontrollably. Cold sweat instantly broke out, soaking his back. He could clearly feel the blood vessels in his neck pulsing with his heartbeat.

Ji Jinxuan’s teeth seemed to be resting right on his artery, like a sharp blade. One more inch and it would be fatal. Suddenly, Xu Lin felt a deep, bone-chilling sense of impending death. It was so unbearable that his fingers cramped.

“Wait…”

Xu Lin could not even speak. He buried his face in the pillow, biting the fabric, enduring the torment.

Ji Jinxuan bit him for a long time—so long that Xu Lin thought he was going to tear the flesh right off. Then he finally let go.

The moment he was free, Xu Lin swung his fist without thinking, landing a punch on Ji Jinxuan’s cheekbone. Then he scrambled backward on all fours and turned on the light.

The light flooded the room.

On the bed, half of Ji Jinxuan’s face was red from the punch. But beneath that sickly flush, his complexion was deathly pale, completely bloodless. He looked like he was in severe physical distress.

Xu Lin froze.

In truth, both of them looked terrible now, each more haggard than the other.

Xu Lin held the back of his neck, still feeling a strange lingering sensation. His limbs were weak, his tongue stiff.

He and Ji Jinxuan stared at each other in silence for a long while. Ji Jinxuan said nothing, got up, and left. As he turned, Xu Lin noticed that there were several needle marks on the back of Ji Jinxuan’s neck too.

But in the blink of an eye, Ji Jinxuan was gone.

As if Xu Lin had imagined it.

The next day, Qin Yu once again handed Xu Lin the bowl of medicine. Xu Lin did not drink it.

He knocked the bowl out of Qin Yu’s hand. It shattered on the floor, the liquid spilling everywhere.

Silence filled the room. Qin Yu lowered his hands and glanced at the mess on the floor.

“What’s wrong?” Qin Yu asked with good temper.

Xu Lin asked, “What is this stuff?”

“Medicine.”

“What kind of medicine?”

“Didn’t I tell you? It’s medicine to treat you.”

Qin Yu crouched down and picked up the broken pieces one by one.

“Treat…” Xu Lin paused. “Treat what?”

Qin Yu did not look up, did not reply. He silently cleaned up.

Xu Lin closed his eyes and gritted his teeth.

He had underestimated Ji Jinxuan.

Playing word games.

Qin Yu was a good doctor, highly skilled. But no matter how excellent he was, he still followed Ji Jinxuan’s orders. He did whatever Ji Jinxuan told him to do.

Xu Lin had not suspected Qin Yu before, because Qin Yu had indeed healed ninety percent of his scar. That was why he had taken everything Qin Yu gave him.

But ever since he started taking Qin Yu’s medicine, his health had declined day by day. A side effect?

What kind of side effect would make him feel that strange, twisted near-death sensation when bitten by an Alpha?

Before, being bitten by Ji Jinxuan had caused no reaction at all.

This medicine must be problematic. Since he could not get a straight answer from Qin Yu, he decided to go straight to the source—Ji Jinxuan.

Xu Lin burst into the study. Ji Jinxuan sat behind the desk. When he saw Xu Lin enter, he closed the small cooler beneath the desk.

Xu Lin strode forward, grabbed Ji Jinxuan by the collar, and yanked him up from his chair, pulling him close.

Ji Jinxuan looked at him calmly.

“What did you do?”

Ji Jinxuan asked, “What?”

Xu Lin knew he would not answer honestly. He clamped his palm over the back of Ji Jinxuan’s neck and squeezed his fingers hard, right over the needle marks. Ji Jinxuan’s brow furrowed slightly, but he did not move.

Xu Lin pressed his head down to get a look at his neck. Sure enough, there were more needle marks than yesterday.

Confirming what he had seen, he shoved Ji Jinxuan away. Ji Jinxuan staggered back a step and steadied himself.

His thin chest heaving, Xu Lin shouted, “What are you trying to do!”

Ji Jinxuan did not answer.

Xu Lin could not guess his intentions. He had once thought he understood Ji Jinxuan, but later realized he did not know even a fraction of what lay beneath his skin.

He was sick of Ji Jinxuan’s silence. He slapped him. “Speak!”

Ji Jinxuan’s face did not even turn. He caught Xu Lin’s wrist and rubbed his reddened fingertips.

“I want us to go back to how we were.”

Ji Jinxuan said, “I want to go back to the way things used to be.”

“The way things used to be? What way?”

Xu Lin pulled his hand back and took a step away. “The days when you deliberately kept your distance and neglected me? The days when you kept me in the dark, making me live here alone like a fool? Or the days when you used a fake wedding to deceive me, making me believe we loved each other? Are you nostalgic for those days when you played me like a puppet?”

The more he spoke, the angrier he became. He turned to leave, but arms wrapped around his waist from behind, holding him tightly.

Ji Jinxuan buried his face in the crook of Xu Lin’s neck and said hoarsely, “No. No.”

Xu Lin grabbed his hands, trying to pry them off. Ji Jinxuan would not let go—he held on even tighter.

“In the beginning, my intentions were indeed impure. I acted recklessly. It was my fault. But later, I really did—”

“Shut up.” Xu Lin cut him off sharply.

He turned around. Their noses bumped. He looked into Ji Jinxuan’s eyes, his own burning, his voice breaking, “Don’t tell me you fell in love with me later.”

He pulled himself free from Ji Jinxuan’s embrace and stared at him.

“Ji Jinxuan, I won’t hide it. I’ll be honest with you. I did love you. Very, very much.

“When we first met at school, in my heart, you were completely different from the people of Danshi. You would help those weaker than you. You were willing to talk to a classmate from District Thirteen. You were willing to eat with me. You weren’t arrogant or condescending. That’s why I loved you.” He murmured, “It was only natural to love someone like you.

“Taking that hit for you, confessing to you—I did all of it willingly. I never expected anything in return.” Xu Lin’s throat tightened. He continued, “Then, when you proposed to me, you said this house would be our home… I’ve wanted a home since I was a child. What I said back then was true, I was so happy I could have died.

“So for these six years, even with some unhappy moments, I still believed that as long as I was with you, we could make it through.”

Xu Lin’s eyes were glassy with moisture, slowly rising to the corners.

“Every marriage has its conflicts. We argue, we talk it out, we apologize. One person offers an olive branch, the other takes it. After some time, we make up. I thought you loved me. The way I loved you.”

He lowered his head, bit his tongue, paused for a few seconds, then said, “How could I have known that the reason you married me was just because of the scar on half my face?

“I could accept you growing tired of me. I could accept you suddenly falling out of love. If you didn’t want to continue the marriage, fine—at least I had it once. I could say goodbye and walk away cleanly. But what I can’t accept is… that I never had it at all.

“From the very beginning, what I held in my arms was nothing but a balloon filled with air. I treasured that balloon as if it were a pearl, held it close for six years. You knew all along it was just a balloon, but you watched coldly and never told me.” Xu Lin laughed, his eyes red-rimmed. “Don’t you think I’m a joke?

“I gave you my sincere heart, and you gave me nothing but hypocrisy and pretense. Fine. I’ll take it as my own fault, my own stupidity. I don’t care about any of it anymore. I’ll leave, okay? But you won’t let me. You insist on keeping me in this house. From our fake wedding to now, you’ve done whatever you wanted, completely disregarding how I feel.”

Xu Lin said, “The things you’ve done to me—can a ‘later I fell in love’ really cancel them all out? Don’t I have the right to end this relationship on my own terms? Do I even need your permission to breathe free air? 

“If this is your love, then your love is terrifying.

“I don’t want it.”

Ji Jinxuan was silent. Xu Lin looked at him. “I don’t know what you’re plotting now. I’ll say this one last time. Since you care so much about the scar on my face, I’m cooperating fully with Qin Yu’s treatment. When my scar is healed, we’ll be even. We’ll end this completely. Don’t do anything extra. Don’t make me hate you more.”

After Xu Lin left, the study fell very quiet. So quiet that Ji Jinxuan could not hear his own heartbeat. The dull pain in his chest made his flesh and bones feel displaced, as if his entire body had fallen apart.

His knuckles turned white from clenching. His eyes reddened. Suddenly, like a madman, he swept his arm across the desk, sending everything clattering to the floor. He braced his hands on the desk, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, veins bulging on his forearms. But the pain in his chest would not ease. He grabbed the ashtray beside him without looking and hurled it out—it struck the tall ornamental vase in the corner of the study.

The vase was an antique, intricately patterned, over two meters tall. The ashtray cracked it. The fissures spread, pieces falling off one by one, until the entire vase collapsed into ruin.

Something fell out from inside.

Ji Jinxuan’s eyes went wide.

From the shattered vase, thousands of colorful paper dragonflies poured out. They were of all sizes, some new, some old. They spilled across the floor like blood from a wound, filling Ji Jinxuan’s shocked vision.