Chapter 27 – Do you have a girlfriend now?

Translator: Abo Dammen

Professor Fu’s perception was too sharp. Even if nothing had happened that day, Chi Zhao understood that his feelings couldn’t be hidden from him. Liking someone is impossible to conceal completely. Even if you don’t speak of it, it hides in your eyes, your tone of voice, and the small details of daily life.

Countless scenes flashed before Chi Zhao’s eyes: the cotton candy Professor Fu handed him, those gentle yet powerful hands, the reassuring embrace, and… that unexpected kiss. Hazy and blurred, yet exceptionally clear.

Extreme tenderness can also become a wildfire that sets the plains ablaze, igniting and melting Chi Zhao’s heart. Even if he might get burned, he still wanted to draw near like a moth to a flame, wanting to sink into ruin with him.

“I like you. I really, really like you.” Chi Zhao tried hard to steady himself, but his heart was still beating wildly. Honestly, saying this was indeed somewhat impulsive, but his emotions had reached this point and had to be expressed. Liking someone yet having to hide and conceal it is a painful thing. To have intense feelings that can only be buried deep inside, to have to pretend not to care even when the other person pushes you away, Chi Zhao couldn’t bear that kind of grievance.

Anyway, Fu Nan’an had already made up his mind to send him away. If he didn’t speak now, he might never get another chance. Once distance was created, it would be hard to return to the way things were. Chi Zhao wanted to try one more time. He stood up from the chair and looked seriously at Fu Nan’an. “Although this request might be a bit unreasonable, and maybe I’m just being presumptuous… that night when we were chatting, you said true love doesn’t distinguish by gender. So, could you… maybe consider me?”

They say “love is hard to speak of.” Too much affection is extinguished in constant guessing and hesitation. But Chi Zhao wasn’t like that. He had always been brave and passionate, he carried a light within him. Fu Nan’an removed the towel from his eyes. His eyes retained only a faint sense of light, but he still used his remaining vision to perceive the young man before him. His field of view was a vast, dim gray-black, with very blurry, shifting light and shadows.

Fu Nan’an’s Adam’s apple moved slightly. He didn’t speak.

The air grew quiet. Chi Zhao grew anxious, his heart beating irregularly. He chose his words carefully. “You don’t have to give me an answer so quickly, I—”

“No need.” Fu Nan’an turned his head away. He could sense the hope and grievance in Chi Zhao’s voice, but he still shook his head. “You’re too young.”

You’re too young. These words felt like a death sentence to Chi Zhao. He could study, he could cultivate skills, but age was the one thing he couldn’t change, an insurmountable barrier.

Fu Nan’an told Chi Zhao he was too young, told him it was normal at his age to mistake admiration for liking, told him to keep his eyes on the long-term, told him he would meet many other excellent people in the future. Chi Zhao’s lips opened and closed as he tried desperately to refute him.

Chi Zhao said he was already 22, said he knew what he was doing, said that liking was liking and wouldn’t change easily. It was just a pity that Fu Nan’an’s attitude was already very clear. He was unusually not using a very gentle tone. He didn’t use ambiguous words to string Chi Zhao along but rejected him directly and clearly, “…It’s impossible between us.”

Chi Zhao was still unwilling to give up. “Why? Just because I’m young?”

Fu Nan’an didn’t answer his question. Instead, he asked mildly, “How are your school applications coming along?”

“Is it because I’m studying abroad?” Chi Zhao caught on quickly, explaining frantically, “I don’t plan to stay abroad, I promise you. Three years—no, two years at most! Or, if you want me to stay, I can also—”

“No need.” Just as Chi Zhao was getting more and more agitated, his voice taking on a sob, Fu Nan’an cut him off.

Fu Nan’an’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he calmly averted his gaze. “Don’t be like this, Chi Zhao. There’s no need.”

It was truly a case of words tumbling out in the heat of the moment. This was inherently a difficult choice, and Fu Nan’an had never intended to influence Chi Zhao’s future. He didn’t look at Chi Zhao again, his tone gentle yet distant, “I cannot control your emotions. The grievance, the discomfort—I know them all. But your road is still long. I can’t keep you confined now.”

I can’t keep you confined. This was the answer Fu Nan’an gave Chi Zhao. After saying this, he didn’t linger. He stood up and went to open the office door for Chi Zhao. “Go back and cool off a bit.”

The long corridor was exposed before them, a path leading far away. There was nothing more to say by persisting; Fu Nan’an’s rejection was absolute. Chi Zhao, eyes downcast, walked to the doorway. As they passed each other, Fu Nan’an patted his shoulder. “Look forward, little friend. Your future is very bright.”

Professor Fu’s expression was still calm and gentle. Chi Zhao turned his head to look at him, carefully tracing the lines of his brows and eyes with his gaze. He couldn’t help but ask, “Then, in the future… can I still contact you?”

Fu Nan’an paused, then said, “Better not, for now.”

The following two weeks were uneventful. After successfully finishing his rotation in the Emergency Department, Chi Zhao rotated to the Endocrinology Department, widely considered a relatively easy rotation within the hospital. It was light,

leisurely, and coupled with the fact that Chi Zhao had covered several shifts for other students studying for postgraduate exams before the New Year, they now returned the favor by covering his shifts while he made up for his leave. Chi Zhao had so much free time every day that he did little else but read.

He didn’t go to find Fu Nan’an again.

Since Professor Fu told him to cool off, he would cool off. Chi Zhao learned many interesting things from his new supervising teacher, went out with Chen Kaiji a few times, prepared for his school applications, studied hard, and made every day full and meaningful. But deep down, he still missed that person.

He knew his feelings for Fu Nan’an weren’t a momentary impulse. His affection hadn’t faded away in daily life. Instead, it continuously settled and accumulated, making him understand his own heart more clearly. How could feelings change so easily? He truly did like Professor Fu.

Two weeks were enough for many things to happen. Time flew by, and it was already March. Winter gave way to spring, flowers bloomed, and geese returned. Chi Zhao occasionally contacted Fu Nan’an on WeChat. Fu Nan’an would respond with detached, noncommittal replies, and that was all. In contrast, Chen Kaiji seemed much luckier. A couple of days ago, he confessed to the senior he liked, Zhou Ruoyao, and she agreed.

“Way to go, brother. Quite the skill.” After the confession, Chen Kaiji was too excited to sleep. In the middle of the night, he dragged Chi Zhao to the rooftop of their dorm to get some air. The spring breeze carried warmth as it brushed their faces. Chi Zhao patted his shoulder, “Treat her well. Don’t let her down.”

“How could I? I like her too much to let that happen!” Chen Kaiji promised, patting his chest, and couldn’t help but chatter on for a good while about his story with the girl, his smile impossible to hide. Chi Zhao shared his joy. After their laughter and joking subsided, Chen Kaiji bumped Chi Zhao’s shoulder with his own. “Hey, what about your situation?”

Chi Zhao was startled. “Huh?”

“Stop playing dumb,” Chen Kaiji raised an eyebrow. “You and Professor Fu.”

Chi Zhao didn’t tell Chen Kaiji that he had already been rejected by Fu Nan’an. At first, he hadn’t found the right opportunity, and later, he didn’t want to bring it up. Bringing it up now felt even more inappropriate, it would dampen his friend’s happy mood. Anyway, regardless of anything else, his feelings for Fu Nan’an wouldn’t change. Chi Zhao just smiled and said, “It’s… as it is.”

Chen Kaiji, still immersed in the joy of his new relationship, didn’t think much of it. Upon hearing this, he immediately patted Chi Zhao’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, bro. Whatever you do, I’ve got your back.”

“Got it, got it,” Chi Zhao smiled wryly, not really wanting to discuss this topic, and deftly changed the subject in a few sentences.

The two of them stayed on the rooftop, enjoying the breeze for half the night. Chen Kaiji had just gotten a girlfriend, so the conversation naturally landed on her. Chi Zhao teased him with a smile, “Our Xiao Chen is something else, winning the beauty’s heart.”

Chen Kaiji ran a hand through his hair, his tone quite proud. “Of course. My girlfriend is the most beautiful beauty there is.”

Bragging already, and they’d just gotten together. Chi Zhao shook his head and laughed.

Chen Kaiji’s face was lit with a triumphant smile, and Chi Zhao was genuinely infected by his happiness. He truly considered Chen Kaiji a friend, and you have to be happy for a friend who finds love—sincerely happy, no matter whether your own love life is smooth sailing or not.

Life after getting together was very fulfilling for Chen Kaiji. Their personalities were different but surprisingly compatible. Though Chen Kaiji had a bit of a young master temper, he was first-rate good to the person he liked. The two of them worked on a project with their supervising teacher, so they had work to talk about daily, and life was smooth sailing. The young couple was all lovey-dovey. It wasn’t really about who did more for whom, but more about emotional reliance. “Love” itself is a process of enriching oneself.

Time flew by, another two weeks passed in the blink of an eye. They spent fourteen steady days together. Their one-month anniversary happened to fall on Zhou Ruoyao’s birthday, and Chen Kaiji wanted to give her a gift.

Flowers were too cliché, and store-bought things were pretty tacky too. Actually, a gift isn’t about how expensive it is, or whether it’s a big brand name. Its value lies in the thought behind it. Chen Kaiji came from a well-off family and wasn’t short on money, so he wanted to give something different.

“Chi-ge, help me out, give me some ideas,” Chen Kaiji agonized for several days before finally calling Chi Zhao for help. “I’ve been thinking for so many days my head’s going bald.”

“You said it yourself, it’s the thought that matters,” Chi Zhao asked him. “What does Shijie like? Or maybe give something that’s special to both of you?”

“You know, I have an idea,” Chi Zhao’s suggestion coincided with Chen Kaiji’s own thoughts. Chen Kaiji scratched his nose and laughed, a bit embarrassed. “Well… she’s quite popular, and has lots of friends. I was thinking of collecting birthday wishes for her from everyone, and then I’ll edit them into a video to give to her.”

Chen Kaiji after falling in love was quite different from before. His temper had mellowed, and he always got a shy tone when mentioning his significant other, all sweet. His idea was also quite thoughtful. After hearing it, Chi Zhao’s eyes lit up. A self-made gift indeed shows sincerity. A gift needs to carry emotion to be meaningful.

“That’s a great idea,” Chi Zhao affirmed him and even proactively shouldered some of the task. “Alright then. Our Xiao Chen is so thoughtful, Chi-ge has got to help you out.”

Recording and editing the video was quite time-consuming. They decided to start right away, as there wasn’t much time left. The two divided the work and went to find people to record messages. Zhou Ruoyao had a good personality and indeed had many friends, most of them in the Psychology Department. And so, for the first time in almost a month, Chi Zhao stepped through the doors of the Psychology Department, and also had a chance to see Fu Nan’an.

The familiar wards weren’t much different from other departments, but because the person he wanted to see was there, it felt different.

—It was just a pity that Chi Zhao’s luck wasn’t great. He came for two consecutive days, and both times Fu Nan’an was in meetings. He didn’t even catch a glimpse of him.

There was nothing to be done about it. The video still had to be recorded.

Everyone had their own work during the day, so Chi Zhao could only come during breaks to record the video greetings. Fortunately, when others heard it was Chen Kaiji preparing a birthday gift for Zhou Ruoyao, they were quite enthusiastic. Chi Zhao would arrange it with them the day before, and they would prepare seriously. Some sang songs, some recited poems they wrote themselves, and one intern who was close with Zhou Ruoyao offered on the spot to play an impromptu guitar piece for her. Chi Zhao naturally agreed, set a time with her, and brought his camera to the Psychology Department’s first inpatient area.

The girl was self-taught on the guitar, but she played with skill and flair. Afraid of disturbing other patients, they found an empty consultation room to record. The melodious sound of the guitar drifted out in waves, faint yet tangible, tugging at the nerves.

“What’s been going on these past few days?” Fu Nan’an asked casually when he reached the ward. “With all the singing and guitar playing, is there some party happening?”

A patient next to him had also been curious for a while. He had been hospitalized for several months, and every day was boring and dull. He had long wanted some fun and immediately urged Fu Nan’an, “Doctor, let’s go take a look. I heard it’s a young doctor’s girlfriend’s birthday, and they’re recording video greetings.”

“Recording a video for his girlfriend?” Fu Nan’an chuckled. He usually didn’t pay much attention and really didn’t know what the young people were into these days. “Young people nowadays are quite thoughtful.”

Saying that, Fu Nan’an wasn’t one to crowd around. He accompanied the patient to the door of the consultation room but had no intention of going in himself. As the patient pushed the consultation room door open, Fu Nan’an turned to walk towards his office. But after just two steps, he suddenly heard the patient’s surprised and enthusiastic voice, “So it’s you, Doctor Chi! Long time no see!”

The gentle sound of the guitar lingered in the air. Fu Nan’an’s footsteps halted.

Chi Zhao? He has a girlfriend?