Chapter 28 – Do you really understand?

Translator: Abo Dammen

A month had passed. Hearing that name again caused Fu Nan’an a moment of distraction. A familiar yet distant voice sounded in his ears. It was the patient making small talk with Chi Zhao. The clear, bright tone of the young man reached him. Fu Nan’an’s fingers curled in slightly, then quickly relaxed.

Fine, thread-like emotions began to spread in his heart. Fu Nan’an lowered his gaze, inexplicably thinking of Chi Zhao’s hands, the ones that often helped him with the eye compress. Warm, gentle, always so careful in their movements.

Chi Zhao’s body temperature seemed a bit higher than others’. His hands were always warm no matter the time, something you could easily feel with every contact. His hands were like this, and so was he. He was like a stove in winter, a bright light in the dark night. Persistent, sincere, passionate. Being drawn to him was the most natural thing, and it was the same for everyone.

So, it was normal for him to have a girlfriend now.

Fu Nan’an deliberately ignored that wisp of emotion in his heart. He thought, It’s fine. Chi Zhao isn’t that young anymore. Finding a girlfriend to accompany him is a good thing. Didn’t Auntie Zhao say something like that before? This is the kind of life a kid his age should have.

He didn’t want to hear any more sounds from the direction of the consultation room. Fu Nan’an gripped his white cane and slowly walked towards his office. This path seemed exceptionally long today. Fu Nan’an walked step by step with his cane. Then, a rapid set of footsteps came from behind him, and his wrist was grabbed. “Professor! Professor Fu!”

Longing had grown increasingly strong with each passing day. A month had passed in the blink of an eye. When Chi Zhao saw Fu Nan’an again, he chased after him without a second thought. Afraid Fu Nan’an would leave, he instinctively grabbed his wrist. The feel of the fabric under his fingertips was so blatant. Fu Nan’an’s steps paused slightly, and Chi Zhao let go as if electrocuted.

When the person you constantly think about is right in front of you, you actually don’t know what to say. Chi Zhao curled his fingers, managing only to stammer out after a long moment, “You… you’re here for rounds?”

A whole month had passed. He was supposed to be cooling off, but Chi Zhao thought of Fu Nan’an constantly.

While eating, while sleeping, during breaks in studying. You don’t understand this feeling when you’re still in contact. You hear a cat’s meow and it sounds like it’s calling his name. You know he’s there, but you can’t contact him anymore.

Chi Zhao carefully traced Fu Nan’an’s features with his eyes, unwilling to miss the slightest change in his expression. Fu Nan’an’s expression was neutral, showing no discernible emotion.

“Mhm, rounds,” Fu Nan’an responded. Neither of them realized they were near the consultation room—rounds wouldn’t bring him in this direction.

Another two seconds of silence passed. It seemed there was nothing more to say. Then, as if remembering something, Fu Nan’an asked casually, “What are you all doing here? Recording a video?”

“Ah, oh, right, Senior Zhou’s birthday is coming up,” Chi Zhao stammered, catching up. “It’s in a week. We’re preparing a surprise for her.”

“I see,” Fu Nan’an replied quickly, his tone still very flat.

After so long without seeing each other, even conversation felt stiff. He didn’t know what to say. Chi Zhao wasn’t willing to let the topic end like this. He had already mentally prepared his lines; he wanted to invite Fu Nan’an to record a video too. But before he could speak, Fu Nan’an spoke first, “You go ahead and record. I won’t disturb you.”

“Professor, you…” Chi Zhao opened his mouth, wanting to say more, but Fu Nan’an had already turned away. He seemed unwilling to continue the conversation and soon walked off into the distance with his cane, leaving only a retreating back.

Professor Fu had just left like that. Chi Zhao was filled with regret. They had exchanged at most two sentences. Unwilling to give up, after finishing the video he was working on, Chi Zhao sent Fu Nan’an a WeChat message. He deliberated over the wording for a long time, asking if he’d like to record a video greeting for Zhou Ruoyao too. It wasn’t until bedtime that Fu Nan’an’s reply came through.

[No, you kids have fun.]

Chi Zhao hurriedly replied: [Just a few sentences would be fine, it’s no trouble.]

Fu Nan’an still replied: [Let’s forget it.]

He had waited so long for this chance to interact with Fu Nan’an. Chi Zhao still didn’t want to give up so easily. He sent several more messages, telling Fu Nan’an that even one sentence would do, or even just a handwritten note. It was already a very minimal request. But Fu Nan’an still refused. He said it was something for young people, and he shouldn’t get involved. A teacher joining in would spoil the fun.

This sounded somewhat distant. Professor Fu had always been very popular. He was gentle and considerate. Students respected and loved him, not feared him. Professor Fu held a very high status in the students’ hearts; everyone was eager to interact with him more. No one would dislike receiving birthday wishes from him.

Lying in bed at night, Chi Zhao had trouble sleeping. He repeatedly scrolled through his chat history with Fu Nan’an, feeling that something was off.

The Professor Fu of the past wasn’t like this. He was rarely this cold. Even when rejecting him, he hadn’t used harsh words. Right after the rejection, when Chi Zhao had contacted him on WeChat once about a department matter, his attitude hadn’t been this aloof. He had always clearly distinguished between work and personal feelings.

Fu Nan’an was very good to his students. No matter what, he wouldn’t be unwilling to record a simple birthday greeting. Unless…

Chi Zhao blinked, puzzled. Could it be that I’ve offended Professor Fu somehow?

Afterwards, Chi Zhao tried contacting Fu Nan’an one more time. This time, Fu Nan’an didn’t refuse again. He very readily agreed to record a video for Zhou Ruoyao. He didn’t ask for Chi Zhao’s help, directly recording it himself and sending it to Chi Zhao’s email. The twenty-something-second video was quite sincere. He said many blessing words to Zhou Ruoyao in a gentle tone, but his attitude towards Chi Zhao remained lukewarm and detached.

The video footage was soon all collected. On the evening before Zhou Ruoyao’s birthday, Chen Kaiji edited the video together. He worked very meticulously, every frame filled with heartfelt intention. He even provided the background music by playing and singing himself. He arranged with the department’s logistics staff to use the projector in the office after work the next day to show it, planning a surprise for Zhou Ruoyao.

Since it was a surprise, it naturally had to be kept secret beforehand. Everyone cooperated perfectly. Zhou Ruoyao had no idea about this gift Chen Kaiji had prepared for her until the afternoon of her birthday. The couple had lunch together at noon, and Zhou Ruoyao thought that was her birthday celebration. Then, just before the end of the workday, Chen Kaiji sent her a message. “Don’t leave right after work, come to the office.”

“What is it? Is something wrong?” Zhou Ruoyao was completely in the dark, and hadn’t thought of this possibility at all. When she reached the office, she found the lights off, the projector lowered in the center of the room, its screen glowing faintly.

Chen Kaiji pressed play. The video began with many photos, all of Zhou Ruoyao—some showing her serious side in a white coat, others with her charming everyday smiles. Many were arranged in a film reel style, creating a warm sense of time quietly passing.

After the long sequence of photos came everyone’s greetings, complementing the photos, symbolizing the journey from the present into the future. The emotional tone of the whole video kept building upwards. At the very end, it was a segment Chen Kaiji recorded himself. Without any more flashy effects, in the clip he, wearing his white coat, reached out towards Zhou Ruoyao outside the frame, revealing the most sincere smile of a young man, and said to her. “Happy Birthday.”

The gift radiated sincerity from the inside out. You can feel when effort has been put in. The moment Zhou Ruoyao saw the video, her eyes reddened. The two lovers held each other tightly in a close embrace. Chi Zhao, sitting to the side, breathed a sigh of relief.

Worried something might go wrong, Chi Zhao had stayed for the entire video playback. Now that it was over, his part was done. The young couple was being all lovey-dovey in the height of their emotions so staying would make him a third wheel. Chi Zhao slipped out of the office, his contribution done without seeking fame or reward, and ran right into the patient who had been watching the fun when they were recording the video.

“If it isn’t Doctor Chi!” the patient greeted him cheerfully. “Is your video all finished?”

“All done, just finished showing it,” Chi Zhao replied casually, then asked him, “Did you need something? The doctors are off duty now. If it’s something, you can tell me first.”

“I was just looking around. I heard the noise over here,” the patient shook his head, then looked Chi Zhao up and down, teasing him, “So, how was it? Was she really moved when she saw the video? Did she like the gift?”

“Of course she liked it. Xiao Chen put a lot of heart into it. I’d be touched too,” Chi Zhao said, having chatted with him briefly during the recording. He pointed towards the now-closed door and suddenly remembered something, “Oh, right, the young couple is… being affectionate in there. Don’t go in and disturb them.”

Who knew the patient would be completely baffled. “What Xiao Chen? What young couple? Wasn’t it you making the video for your girlfriend?”

Chi Zhao was even more confused. “No? Who said she was my girlfriend?”

The patient shook his head, looking innocent, only realizing now they had been talking at cross purposes. “I don’t know! That’s what I said to Professor Fu that day, and he didn’t correct me!”

…This was a huge misunderstanding. Hearing Fu Nan’an’s name, Chi Zhao’s mind buzzed.

He seemed to understand why Fu Nan’an’s attitude had been so cold that day. Could he have misunderstood, thinking Chi Zhao had immediately moved on to someone else right after being rejected?!

He couldn’t let Professor Fu misunderstand.

Thinking this, Chi Zhao quickly explained the situation to the patient first. After a few sentences, he hurried towards Fu Nan’an’s office. The whole way, he kept turning over in his mind how to explain later. But when he actually reached the door of Fu Nan’an’s office, he didn’t know what to say anymore.

Chi Zhao hesitated outside the door for a while before finally knocking and entering. Fu Nan’an was sitting in his office, quiet and still. It had been a long time since Chi Zhao had been this close to him. His heartbeat was a bit fast.

It wasn’t until Fu Nan’an asked twice, “Who’s there?” that Chi Zhao called out, “Professor Fu.”

Hearing Chi Zhao’s voice, Fu Nan’an’s brow furrowed slightly. Chi Zhao’s heart twisted in response. His mind was a bit muddled, and he spoke without thinking, “That video… I was helping Chen Kaiji record it.”

The sentence came out abrupt and disjointed. Fu Nan’an didn’t understand and asked, “What?” Chi Zhao took a deep breath and slowly organized his words. “I just wanted to explain to you. It seems you misunderstood. Chen Kaiji and Senior Zhou Ruoyao are the couple. That video was prepared by Chen Kaiji for Zhou’s birthday. I was just helping. Senior Zhou and I aren’t a couple.”

Chi Zhao was a bit agitated. He tried to slow his speech, but he still stammered a little. After speaking, he looked nervously at Fu Nan’an, awaiting his reaction. Fu Nan’an was silent for a moment, then asked, “Is there anything else?”

“And also…”

Professor Fu’s tone was too cold. Chi Zhao’s words caught in his throat.

Right, what else was there? He actually didn’t need to explain these things to Fu Nan’an. There was no relationship between them. But looking at Fu Nan’an’s indifferent expression, Chi Zhao felt upset. His heart sank slowly, and his chest felt tight.

Unconsciously, Chi Zhao took two steps forward and said, “And also… I like you.”

He was really at the point of “the broken pot gets the most cracks”—throwing caution to the wind.

Confessing once was confessing, twice was still confessing. Since he’d already said it, he had nothing left to fear. Fu Nan’an’s brow furrowed slightly. “You don’t need to explain these things to me. It has nothing to do with me.”

“No, I have to explain.” Chi Zhao took two more steps forward, stopping right in front of Fu Nan’an.

He knew their relationship didn’t warrant this. He had no right to explain anything to Fu Nan’an. He couldn’t decipher Fu Nan’an’s thoughts, but he knew Professor Fu had misunderstood him. He didn’t want that.

“I don’t want you to misunderstand me,” Chi Zhao said very seriously. “You don’t have to like me back, but my heart is here with you. It won’t change.”

The air fell silent at these words. Fu Nan’an’s eyelids lowered slightly, as if he didn’t want to discuss this topic. But Chi Zhao was too eager to express his feelings. The sensation of those emotions pent up in his heart was unbearable. He hated Fu Nan’an’s avoidance and indifference towards him. “You told me to go back and cool off, and I did. I’ve cooled off for a month, and I haven’t cooled down. Every time I think of you, my heart feels hot. I really like you. I, I…”

When emotions run high, the mind goes blank. Chi Zhao stammered “I, I” for a long time, his brain suddenly seizing up. Fu Nan’an’s expression remained calm. Chi Zhao’s eyes were getting red. His neck was stiff, and he finally said, “Anyway, I just like you.”

This kind of emotion was too intense. A young person’s liking is undisguised, impossible to hide. Chi Zhao looked at Fu Nan’an with a gaze bordering on obsession, his voice trembling. Fu Nan’an let out a soft sigh and still said, “You’re too young.”

“I’m not young!” Chi Zhao immediately retorted. He hated it when Fu Nan’an said he was young. This was the one thing he couldn’t change, an insurmountable gap. “Why do you always say I’m young? I am ten years younger than you, but I’m not a child. I know what liking someone is. I’m very clear about my own feelings. I just like you.”

“You know?” Fu Nan’an raised an eyebrow slightly, his tone somewhat strange.

“I know, I understand,” Chi Zhao answered rapidly.

His breathing was heavy, his eyes were red, and his voice carried a sob. He stated resolutely, “I am an adult.” It was a stubborn, intense emotion, growing stronger the more it was denied. Chi Zhao’s jaw was clenched tight, like a puppy begging for something, wagging its tail desperately. And then, Fu Nan’an suddenly stood up and pressed his hand against Chi Zhao’s shoulder.

Caught off guard, Chi Zhao was pinned against the wall behind him.

A wave of pain shot from his shoulder. Fu Nan’an’s palm pressed firmly on a numb spot on his shoulder, exerting immense force.

Pain. Numbness. Followed immediately by a racing heartbeat. A multitude of sensations swept over him, teasing his sensitive nerves. Chi Zhao’s legs felt a bit weak. For the first time, he realized Fu Nan’an had this side to him. Professor Fu’s expression was cold, his brow slightly furrowed, devoid of his usual gentleness. The action of his hand was particularly forceful and brooked no refusal.

Fu Nan’an’s scorching breath fanned across Chi Zhao’s face, hot and searing. Goosebumps rose on Chi Zhao’s skin. He had never experienced this kind of suppression before. Only now did he realize Professor Fu’s comment about “learning a little martial arts in university” wasn’t just talk. He could easily restrain him, leaving him no possibility of breaking free.

“Professor Fu…” Chi Zhao called out instinctively, his voice trembling slightly.

Fu Nan’an paid no heed, continuing to knead Chi Zhao’s shoulder with the base of his thumb. His palm was hot, his fingertips applying pressure. An indescribable emotion flowed in Fu Nan’an’s voice as he asked, “Do you really understand?”