Chapter 45 – Deserving of the best

Translator: Abo Dammen

Holding the person he had been longing for in his arms, Fu Nan’an finally felt a sense of reality. His hands groped to touch Chi Zhao’s face, not even daring to use much force.

Chi Zhao had clearly rushed back, travel-worn and weary. He was panting heavily, his cheeks icy cold. Fu Nan’an warmed his face with his palms and asked softly, “Didn’t you say you weren’t coming back? Why did you suddenly rush back?”

“I just wanted to come back,” Chi Zhao said, reaching out to hold the back of Fu Nan’an’s hand. Even in the cold, his fingertips were still scalding hot, his knuckles tense with force as he repeated urgently, “I missed you, Professor. I missed you.”

Fu Nan’an was slightly taken aback, sensing something unusual about Chi Zhao, but he didn’t press further. He just gently stroked Chi Zhao’s hand with his thumb, soothing his emotions softly.

Gradually, Chi Zhao’s breathing steadied. He wrapped his arms around Fu Nan’an, resting his head on his shoulder, and said once more, “…I missed you so much.”

Fu Nan’an had said the same thing when he rushed to attend Chi Zhao’s graduation ceremony. He wanted to see Chi Zhao, so he went. Now, a similar scenario was replaying with Chi Zhao, who made the same choice.

People in love are always alike. If they want to meet, they will, no matter how difficult or exhausting. The moment they meet makes it all worthwhile. The journey might be cold, but their hearts are warm.

It was cold outside. Fu Nan’an couldn’t bear to let Chi Zhao stay out longer and, after a few words, led him inside by the hand. The room was dim. Living alone, Fu Nan’an was used to only having a small night light on, since just a bit of light in his vision was enough since he couldn’t see anyway. But after Chi Zhao arrived, it was different. As soon as they entered, Fu Nan’an turned on all the living room lights. The bright light shining before him felt warm. It was still hazy and dark, yet it seemed as if light was desperately trying to pierce through that darkness.

“You must be exhausted from the journey,” Fu Nan’an said, bustling about once inside. Chi Zhao had brought a large suitcase. Fu Nan’an felt his way to help him put it away, then poured him some hot water, instructing him gently, “Sit on the sofa and rest first. Have some warm water.”

Chi Zhao wouldn’t let him fuss, quickly stepping forward to take the cup, pressing him down onto the sofa, saying, “Don’t trouble yourself, Professor. I have hands and feet, I can get it myself if I’m thirsty. I won’t be polite with you.”

Fu Nan’an smiled and nodded, letting Chi Zhao guide him to sit, but he still couldn’t sit idle. After barely two minutes, he remembered the dumplings he’d bought earlier. He hadn’t had an appetite then, but with Chi Zhao back, it was different. Fu Nan’an remembered Chi Zhao liked dumplings and was concerned he might not have eaten. “Have you had dinner? I’ll steam some dumplings.”

Chi Zhao couldn’t dissuade him and smiled, shaking his head, “Let me do it, Professor. Have you eaten? Let’s eat together.”

Fu Nan’an’s home wasn’t suited for open flames, but he had all sorts of smart kitchen appliances. Steaming dumplings wasn’t hard, and with Chi Zhao there, everything became even simpler.

Under Fu Nan’an’s direction, Chi Zhao took the dumplings from the fridge, boiled water, and soon had a whole pot cooking.

The dumplings Fu Nan’an bought were frozen, tasting just like frozen dumplings should. But because the person he longed for was by his side, even ordinary dumplings seemed to have a different flavor.

After eating and drinking their fill, they cleaned up the dishes. Chi Zhao took a shower and returned to sit beside Fu Nan’an, damp and clinging to him.

Fu Nan’an naturally let him lean in, holding his hand, gently rubbing the back of it with his fingertips, and asked with pretended sternness, “What are you doing? Why are you so close?”

“Missed you,” Chi Zhao responded openly, continuing to nestle into Fu Nan’an’s embrace. “I just want to hold you.”

This was too clingy.

When the young man really got clingy, it was truly hard to resist. Fu Nan’an couldn’t handle it. Which couple who hadn’t seen each other for so long could? They were intimate and affectionate for a while, both ending up sweaty.

Fu Nan’an was concerned that Chi Zhao was too tired from the trip and hadn’t intended to go this far. But Chi Zhao directly wrapped his arms around Fu Nan’an’s neck and half-straddled his lap.

……..

[A patriotic and socialist core values mantra is inserted here by the author, a common practice in Chinese online literature to bypass censorship for intimate content: “Prosperity, Democracy, Civility, Harmony, Freedom, Equality, Justice, Rule of Law, Patriotism, Dedication, Integrity, Friendship.”]

……..

The temperature in the bathroom was frighteningly hot, the steam blurring their vision. Chi Zhao truly couldn’t stand anymore. They spent several hours at it, and by the time they finished, it was past midnight.

“Are you satisfied today?” Fu Nan’an asked Chi Zhao as they lay in bed, holding hands.

Chi Zhao nuzzled into his embrace, his voice a bit hoarse, “…Mhm.”

He was more than satisfied. Chi Zhao’s toes were still tingling. He was too embarrassed to answer directly, burying his head in Fu Nan’an’s chest. Fu Nan’an deliberately misinterpreted him, smiling as he held his waist, “What, does that mean you’re not satisfied and want more?”

“Don’t want to, don’t want to,” Chi Zhao shook his head hurriedly, speaking appeasingly, “Professor, I really can’t anymore.”

He paused, then asked Fu Nan’an, “Professor, do you still want to? Can I help you with my hand?”

“No need, rest properly,” Fu Nan’an said, his arm resting on Chi Zhao’s back, genuinely not wanting more. Once they started, it was hard to stop. They had already done enough for a long time, Chi Zhao’s body couldn’t take it.

Chi Zhao’s cheeks were still flushed. He lifted his face and shared a long kiss with him.

The young couple hadn’t been intimate for a while. When they were, it was intense, but after truly finishing, it was all tenderness. Fu Nan’an’s presence was so warm and reassuring that it dissipated the fatigue from Chi Zhao’s day of travel. Chi Zhao instinctively snuggled closer into his embrace. They chatted idly and fell asleep without realizing it.

Time flew to the next morning. After sleeping his fill, Chi Zhao got up drowsily to make breakfast for Fu Nan’an. Fu Nan’an didn’t let him go, holding him by the neck, pinching the nape gently, and said, “You’ve rested now. Aren’t you going to tell me something?”

Chi Zhao didn’t react immediately, blinking somewhat confusedly, “Tell you what?”

“You were very emotionally off yesterday,” Fu Nan’an analyzed calmly. “Being so proactive and seductive isn’t like you. Coming back without a word isn’t your style either. No matter what, you should have called me before coming back. Did something happen?”

Fu Nan’an’s perception was too sharp; nothing could escape him. Chi Zhao was still a bit hesitant, stammering and unsure how to begin. Fu Nan’an pinched the nape of his neck again. “Tell me.”

His tone was mild. “Don’t hide it from me.”

Just a slight chill in Fu Nan’an’s tone made Chi Zhao panic. It wasn’t worth making Fu Nan’an angry over this. Chi Zhao grabbed Fu Nan’an’s hand and said, “Professor, I’ll tell you.” He took a deep breath and finally made up his mind.

“Professor,” Chi Zhao intertwined his fingers with Fu Nan’an’s. He asked him, “Mike came to find you once after that, right?”

Fu Nan’an neither confirmed nor denied it. “How did you know?”

“Mike told me,” Chi Zhao said. “The night before last, I finished my experiment late, past midnight. I ran into him on the way, and he asked me why I hadn’t come back to find you… that’s how I found out he went to see you again later… Why did you never tell me?”

After the argument at the hospital, Chi Zhao hadn’t seen Mike again. He had always thought Mike had been deterred by his firm attitude. It wasn’t until he accidentally met Mike that night that he learned the full story. Mike had sought out Fu Nan’an one more time.

Call it overestimating himself or stubbornness, Mike wasn’t one to admit defeat easily. His upbringing had always taught him to fight for what he liked, and he didn’t consider himself particularly gentle or yielding. The day after Fu Nan’an arrived, he had arranged to meet him again.

“We need to talk.” Mike directly intercepted Fu Nan’an in the hospital corridor. At that time, Chi Zhao was still in the ward. Unwilling to let this affect Chi Zhao’s mood, Fu Nan’an followed Mike to the small garden downstairs.

He stood firm in the small garden, leaning on his white cane, and asked Mike, “What do you want to talk about?”

“You know my intention,” Mike said bluntly, clearly prepared. “I like Chi. I want to compete with you fairly.”

When rivals meet, their eyes blaze with hatred. Mike had long planned his strategy against Fu Nan’an. He listed his own strengths and Fu Nan’an’s weaknesses one by one. His proximity was his greatest advantage, not to mention Fu Nan’an’s fatal flaw—his blindness.

Mike went on at length about being young and strong, about his advantageous position. He felt increasingly confident as he spoke. Fu Nan’an’s tone remained placid. “So what?”

Fu Nan’an glanced at him, his gray eyes showing not a ripple. “Did he fall for you?”

That one sentence rendered Mike speechless.

Fu Nan’an was too composed. Mike’s anger flared. The memory of their intimate, oblivious affection the previous day was fresh in his mind. Fu Nan’an’s attitude made him feel like a clown. So he didn’t hesitate to use his trump card.

“Yes, I admit, Chi really likes you now, but feelings can change.” Mike’s words were merciless. When emotions run high, no one holds back. He knew how to hit Fu Nan’an where it hurt most. “Don’t think just because Chi loves you so much now, that it will last. As long as you can’t see, your eyes will be the biggest obstacle between you.”

Mike aimed to make Fu Nan’an give up, so his words were particularly sharp, “You might not fear external obstacles, but surely you fear Chi regretting it or being unhappy, right? Maybe in the beginning, during the honeymoon phase, it’s not obvious. But as time wears on, this flaw of yours will seep into every aspect of life. How much of his love for you do you think will remain then?”

Adult love isn’t as pure as in student days. Beyond love itself, one must consider all sorts of life costs. What Mike said were very realistic issues. He wasn’t exaggerating. Fu Nan’an couldn’t see; he indeed had many inconveniences. During the honeymoon phase, everything seems perfect. When life settles into monotony, all flaws are exposed in the daily grind of life, just like the difficulties they’d encountered since being together. Future challenges would only increase.

“You’re not suitable for him.” The more Mike spoke, the more convinced he became of his own reasoning, his tone growing increasingly arrogant. He directly challenged Fu Nan’an. “You’ll break up sooner or later. Why waste time here?”

Why waste time? This was Mike’s final verdict on Chi Zhao and Fu Nan’an’s relationship. Mike looked at Fu Nan’an triumphantly. Thinking about it himself, he felt he would be furious if his flaws were pointed out like that. But Fu Nan’an’s expression remained calm, as if he had heard him, yet also as if he hadn’t. Fu Nan’an was silent for a long time, finally saying very softly, “It doesn’t matter.”

Mike didn’t understand. “What did you say?”

“Whether it’s a waste of time isn’t for you to decide. I’m the one in a relationship with him,” Fu Nan’an’s voice was still very calm. He held his white cane. His eyes were gray, but his expression showed no hesitation. He said, “If we like each other, we strive to be together. If we don’t, we part. These are stories between him and me. They have nothing to do with you, an outsider, and don’t require your commentary. Everything you’ve said, I’ve considered long ago.”

Everything Mike said, Fu Nan’an had thought about himself. Being in the situation, he had only considered it more deeply than any outsider. Back when he hadn’t agreed to be with Chi Zhao, he had worried, fretted, and struggled. But the moment he decided to be with Chi Zhao, he had already made all his plans. He still decided to try with Chi Zhao, regardless of the final outcome.

“I know how inconvenient not being able to see is. You don’t need to remind me of that. I’ve been constantly adjusting to these eyes. The road is hard, so I’m grateful Chi Zhao can accompany me. Being with him makes me happy every day, and that’s my fortune. But even if one day he truly doesn’t want to accompany me anymore, that’s also fine,” Fu Nan’an paused, then said slowly, “Who he ends up with is his choice. I want to be with him, but I hope even more for his happiness. I don’t know if I’m the best, but he deserves the best one.”