Chapter 44 – We are the most perfect match

Translator: Abo Dammen

Feeling emotional and down when faced with such a situation is completely normal. But to say that Fu Nan’an would be defeated by these few words would be utterly ridiculous.

Fu Nan’an hadn’t just lost his sight yesterday. This wasn’t the first time someone had said they were unsuitable. After so long of stumbling through life, he had already been learning to make peace with himself. Moreover, Chi Zhao had waited for him for so long and repeatedly declared his love, all to tell him that love wouldn’t change because of such external things. How could Fu Nan’an choose to believe others over him?

The Fu Nan’an of the past had indeed retreated because of his eyes. But Chi Zhao was an absolutely brave and steadfast person. Fu Nan’an’s entire heart had long been ignited and set ablaze by him. He, too, had faith in their feelings.

“What you said, I truly cannot do,” Fu Nan’an spoke up after only a second of silence, his tone very calm. His fingers gripped the white cane tightly, his clothes were stained with dust from his falls, and his vision was a foggy blur, yet his expression was serene and firm. “I can’t help Chi Zhao apply medicine, and I can’t support him while walking. I also feel regret and powerlessness. I cannot provide him with much physical care. This is indeed my shortcoming. But it doesn’t mean our love is therefore diminished. Mine for him isn’t, and his for me isn’t either.”

A lover will care for you and look after you out of love, but love itself is not as simple as caregiving. Nor does being unable to provide care for various reasons equate to a lack of love. If one wanted the most authoritative, professional care, one could just hire a nurse. But we still yearn for and crave love because what we truly want isn’t these external things, but that fusion and companionship of heart and soul.

Love is both an Achilles’ heel and a suit of armor. Fu Nan’an loved Chi Zhao, which was why, despite having so many “cannots,” he still rushed recklessly to be by his side. He had stumbled and fallen countless times along the way. He knew what he could do was limited, but he still wanted to offer Chi Zhao a gentle yet firm hand when he needed it.

He offered it, and Chi Zhao wanted it.

After speaking to Mike, Fu Nan’an pushed the door open and entered the hospital room. Love is a private matter between two people, and he wasn’t willing to waste a single second explaining it to an outsider. He called out gently, “Chi Zhao,” and Chi Zhao’s eyes instantly lit up: “Professor!”

“Mhm, it’s me.” Fu Nan’an followed the sound to Chi Zhao’s side, dropped his cane, and used both hands to gently feel over Chi Zhao’s body.

When he heard the dull thud of Chi Zhao fainting, his heart had nearly stopped. Now, as he traced every inch of Chi Zhao, feeling the body under his palms warm and alive, detecting the powerful pumping of blood beneath the skin, he still felt a lingering fear.

“… It’s good you’re alright,” Fu Nan’an murmured in a low voice, his fingers trembling uncontrollably. A sour ache prickled in Chi Zhao’s nose, and he directly reached out and wrapped his arms around Fu Nan’an.

“I’m fine, Professor, I’m fine now,” Chi Zhao reassured him repeatedly. He hardly dared to imagine how Fu Nan’an had managed to get here. He was covered in the dust of travel, with several bruises on his forehead that had already broken the skin.

“Wait, my clothes still have dirt on them…” Fu Nan’an suddenly remembered, struggling slightly to loosen the embrace. But Chi Zhao was unwilling to let go, instead holding him even tighter, pressing his head against Fu Nan’an’s chest. “It’s fine, Professor. Let me hold you for a while.”

He buried his head in Fu Nan’an’s embrace, his voice muffled, “I’m already fine. Right now, I just want to hold you.”

Chi Zhao had just been seriously ill and still carried the weakness of convalescence. His soft, trailing tone was like a little hook, impossible to refuse. Fu Nan’an didn’t want to refuse either. Who could refuse their longed-for lover being right there? Fu Nan’an swiftly took off his dusty outer coat and tossed it aside, then wrapped his arms around Chi Zhao in return, gently stroking the top of his head. “Alright, hold me. I’m right here with you.”

Chi Zhao added, “And I want you to kiss me.”

Fu Nan’an laughed, then immediately kissed the top of his head without the slightest hesitation.

Their actions were intimate, as if no one else was in the world, making the very air seem tranquil and serene. Thus, Mike, who had just been shouting and provoking, became a laughable presence.

—So what if Fu Nan’an had so many “cannots”? Didn’t Chi Zhao still love Fu Nan’an and not him?

Mike stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do. When he saw Fu Nan’an and Chi Zhao being affectionate, he coughed twice extremely unnaturally. Only then did the two remember his presence.

“Why are you still here?” Chi Zhao’s brow furrowed, and he reluctantly lifted his head from Fu Nan’an’s embrace, his whole posture resistant. “Didn’t I tell you to leave earlier? Why are you still here disturbing me and my boyfriend?”

Mike hadn’t been of any help when Chi Zhao fainted. It was Chi Zhao’s supervisor, after seeing Fu Nan’an’s message, who had gotten him to the hospital.

Mike had arrived after Chi Zhao had already regained consciousness. He was only a few minutes earlier than Fu Nan’an. Just as Fu Nan’an was about to enter the room, Chi Zhao had been in the process of kicking Mike out, which led to the conversation at the doorway.

Now, with the three of them face-to-face, Chi Zhao’s tone was cold. “My boyfriend and I have a very good relationship. We don’t need you to worry about it.”

The hospital room’s soundproofing was poor. Chi Zhao had heard their conversation earlier. If he hadn’t been confined to his bed, he would have rushed out long ago to give Mike a piece of his mind. Fu Nan’an had a gentle temperament, but Chi Zhao wasn’t as forbearing. Fu Nan’an didn’t bother with idle gossip, but Chi Zhao couldn’t stand his lover being hurt again and again.

“What does it matter to you whether we’re suited or not? Who are you to me?” Chi Zhao’s arms were still wrapped around Fu Nan’an’s waist, but his words showed no mercy. He directly called a nurse to have Mike escorted out, saying Mike was disturbing his rest.

Mike’s voice had indeed been rather loud. He had been in an agitated state, his voice uncontrolled. Earlier, when he was questioning Fu Nan’an, several people in the inpatient wing had already been complaining. The nurse, who had initially thought Mike was Chi Zhao’s friend, was coming to politely remind them to keep their voices down. Now, hearing Chi Zhao’s request, she didn’t need to be polite with Mike anymore. “Sir, the patient’s room is a place for rest. You are disturbing our patient. Please leave promptly.”

“I’m not, I was just…”

Mike opened his mouth to explain, but the nurse had no time to wait. She directly called security to take him away.

“Enough talk,” said two burly security guards. “We’re warning you. If you come back, we’ll call the police and report you for harassment.”

The security guards were much stronger than Mike. He was genuinely afraid of them, and also afraid of actually having the police called for harassment. Dragged away by the two guards, he quickly disappeared down the hospital corridor. The nurse left not long after, and so the noisy room returned to its original quietness, leaving only Chi Zhao and Fu Nan’an alone.

When the nurse came, Fu Nan’an had let go slightly, worried about causing a scene. Now that they were alone again, Chi Zhao could no longer restrain himself. The joy of their reunion had overshadowed everything initially, but now, recalling the hurtful words Mike had used to slander Fu Nan’an, Chi Zhao felt particularly heartache and distress.

“Professor, don’t pay him any mind,” Chi Zhao said, his arms encircling Fu Nan’an’s neck as he kissed his lips. He kissed him carefully, his lips touching Fu Nan’an’s again and again, his breath becoming somewhat ragged between kisses. “Ignore him. Whether we are suited or not isn’t for him to decide. No one else gets a say. Only I do.”

Chi Zhao said with great conviction, “I say we are the most perfect match.”

Fu Nan’an smiled and said, “I know.”

Love is matter between two people, it doesn’t allow for others’ interference. Even after being repeatedly provoked by Mike like this, Fu Nan’an and Chi Zhao’s hearts remained connected.

For the next two days, Fu Nan’an stayed at the hospital with Chi Zhao. Chi Zhao’s body hadn’t fully recovered, and would take at least half a month of recuperation. But this was already the best possible outcome. The doctor said he shouldn’t have any lasting after-effects once recovered, thanks to his youth and strength, and especially thanks to Fu Nan’an’s timely call to his supervisor, which prevented more serious consequences.

“Don’t do this again next time, you nearly scared my heart out of me,” Fu Nan’an told Chi Zhao more than once in the hospital room. Even now, he still felt a lingering fear. He really didn’t want to go through that again.

“I know, Professor, I promise I won’t,” Chi Zhao certainly understood Fu Nan’an’s feelings. Just seeing the bruises Fu Nan’an had gotten on his way over made Chi Zhao’s heart feel tight, let alone imagining how Fu Nan’an felt hearing him faint.

Chi Zhao raised his hand in a pledge to Fu Nan’an. “After I’m discharged, I’ll start taking care of my health. How about soaking goji berries in a thermos? I’ll drink it on camera during our calls!”

“Alright,” Fu Nan’an laughed and said, “I’ll be waiting.”

Every moment they spent together was filled with tenderness. But no matter how tender, the time for parting still came. Fu Nan’an stayed for three days. When he came, he hadn’t even had time to request proper leave. There were still patients waiting for him at the hospital, he couldn’t just ignore them completely.

On the day of his departure, Chi Zhao had just become able to get out of bed. He saw Fu Nan’an off to the hospital entrance. He promised Fu Nan’an that by the Spring Festival, he would definitely return a perfectly healthy self to him. He said he wanted to return to China for the New Year. Fu Nan’an gently ruffled his hair and said, “Okay.”

There was still a month until the New Year. Chi Zhao was already planning to return for the Spring Festival. This was what they had agreed upon before he left, serving as a new source of anticipation for Fu Nan’an back home.

Half a month later, Chi Zhao recovered and was discharged from the hospital. This day happened to be the traditional solar term of Lichun. Fu Nan’an sent Chi Zhao a message: “The spring breeze has green-blown the south bank of the river. When will the bright moon shine upon my return?”

It was a famous line by Wang Anshi, cleverly embedding both their names. It originally expressed the longing for a loved one to return early. But unexpectedly, a situation arose. Chi Zhao might not be able to come back after all. It was because of the project.

Chi Zhao’s team was working on an artificial retina project. The recent successful development of an artificial cornea had provided them with new ideas. The long-stagnant project suddenly showed a new turning point. This was originally good news, but it also meant they had to work overtime intensively. After all, foreigners don’t celebrate Spring Festival, so it’s not a statutory holiday for them.

“I’m sorry, Professor, I’m so sorry,” Chi Zhao apologized repeatedly when he called Fu Nan’an with this news. “I didn’t expect the project to suddenly have this issue. I’d already booked my ticket. I was counting down the days every day, I…”

“It’s alright,” Fu Nan’an comforted him softly. “It’s just the Spring Festival. It’s not a big deal.”

Chi Zhao opened his mouth. “But…”

“No buts,” Fu Nan’an interrupted him.

Fu Nan’an wasn’t an unreasonable person. Chi Zhao had his own studies and goals he was striving for. Fu Nan’an respected and supported him, and he wanted him to advance. Fu Nan’an said to Chi Zhao very seriously, “Focus on your project first. There will always be chances to meet in the future.”

Chi Zhao’s lips parted and closed, finally saying in a low voice, “Okay.”

After that, Chi Zhao became busy.

Their entire project team was working overtime. Sometimes experiments ran for over ten hours at a stretch. This kind of schedule conflict was impossible to adjust. So, unconsciously, the time Fu Nan’an and Chi Zhao had to chat grew less and less. Chi Zhao had just been discharged from the hospital, and Fu Nan’an’s heart was entirely tied to him. He often sent messages asking about his condition, but several times, over ten hours would pass before Chi Zhao managed to reply with just a few words. And by the time Chi Zhao replied, it was already the middle of the night back in China.

This state was quite tormenting for both of them. They both wanted to adjust, but time didn’t give them the chance. Two weeks flashed by. Fu Nan’an almost constantly had his phone in hand, yet still couldn’t manage more than a few words with Chi Zhao.

“You’re practically a ‘left-behind’ boyfriend!” Zou Anhe said, half pitying, half teasing.

Fu Nan’an raised an eyebrow and retorted, “I’m fine with it, so what?” But deep down, he couldn’t help feeling somewhat helpless.

Time flew until the 29th day of the twelfth lunar month. This was originally the day they had agreed to meet. Last year at this time, Chi Zhao had brought Fu Nan’an dumplings. This year, only Fu Nan’an remained.

After work in the evening, Fu Nan’an fell on the stairs. His white cane knocked hard against his elbow, and an intense pain radiated outwards. It took Fu Nan’an a long time to recover and get up from the ground.

It hurt so much. It probably left a large bruise.

In that moment, he thought of how Chi Zhao had once so carefully helped him clean a wound. He missed those warm hands so much. But in the end, he didn’t tell Chi Zhao. Telling him was useless, because Chi Zhao wasn’t by his side.

The festive atmosphere on the streets was already very strong. After recovering for a while, Fu Nan’an went out and bought two bags of dumplings.

There were hardly any people left on the road, and no one was home either. Fu Nan’an walked back slowly, surrounded by utter silence. The serene sound felt peaceful. But just as he was nearing his doorstep, he suddenly heard a sound of desperate shouting.

“Why! Just tell me why you won’t come back! It’s the New Year!”

From the sound, it was probably a young man in his 20son the phone with someone. Who the person on the other end was, no one knew, but the young man was clearly heartbroken. His voice was hoarse, tinged with tears. “Three years! You always say you’re busy. I know you are busy, but you won’t even come back for the New Year? Can’t you really spare even this little time?”

The person on the other end of the phone said something, and the young man shouted loudly, “Xuanxuan!”

“… Xuanxuan.” He called out again, his voice noticeably dropping. “Why did you hang up on me, Xuanxuan? Is talking to me really that unbearable?”

Probably arguing with his girlfriend. The young man muttered a few words to himself and then started crying, crying his heart out.

Fighting with a girlfriend during the New Year certainly isn’t a happy thing, and crying like this wasn’t good for the atmosphere either. Fu Nan’an sighed softly and stepped forward to offer him a packet of tissues.

“… Thank you.”

The young man looked up at Fu Nan’an, then took the tissues.

Fu Nan’an asked him, “Had a fight with your girlfriend?”

The young man sniffled a bit embarrassed: “Sorry, you must think this is ridiculous.”

The New Year is a time for family reunions, but it can also easily give rise to various situations and emotions. Fu Nan’an chatted with the young man for a while. The young man held onto Fu Nan’an and poured his heart out for a long time. He said his girlfriend had gone to the UK three years ago. She originally planned to return last year, but the date for coming back kept getting postponed.

“She wasn’t like this at the beginning,” the young man was still sniffling. When he mentioned the past, his tone brightened, only to quickly fall again. “She went abroad right after we got together, but back then we were so attached. All our friends said we were the model couple. I also thought we would definitely make it to the end. What could stop two people in love? But it seems like at some point, without me realizing, our relationship cooled down.

“She suddenly seemed busy, and didn’t reply to my messages or answer my calls. Every time we managed to talk, she said she was busy. I didn’t want to fight with her either. I didn’t even dare to tell her when I was sick, afraid she’d worry. I just wanted to make it work with her… but do we really have a future like this? If I hadn’t called her, she would have ignored me for three days!” Overwhelmed by emotion, the young man started crying again. He asked Fu Nan’an urgently, “Do you think she still loves me? Do you think we still have a future?”

This wasn’t something one person could decide. Fu Nan’an could only shake his head and say, “I’m sorry.”

He said, “I hope you can make it to the end.”

Hope is always beautiful, but reality often brings disappointments. Fu Nan’an comforted the young man for a long time. Finally, the young man pulled himself together, intending to talk to his girlfriend again. He asked Fu Nan’an full of expectation, “We still have a chance, right?”

Before Fu Nan’an could answer, the young man paused, and his tone suddenly fell.

“It’s too late,” he said, dazedly. “She just broke up with me.”

Feelings cannot be forced through personal effort or hope alone. Everyone encounters more or less resistance and difficulties in a relationship. External obstacles can still be overcome through the joint efforts of both people. But if one person’s heart changes, then there’s no going back.

The young man sat and cried for a long time again. He asked his girlfriend why, and begged her not to break up. But the girl named Xuanxuan only said, “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry, I don’t have feelings for you anymore.” Xuanxuan’s tone was very flat, her voice full of fatigue. She said, “I loved you once. There’s no one else between us. I don’t know why either. I loved you so much before, but my love seems to have slowly faded with time.”

Both were studying abroad, both believed their love was strong as gold. Perhaps everyone makes passionate vows, yet too many loves ultimately lose to time. Fu Nan’an couldn’t really comment, but he still felt regret and melancholic for them.

He comforted the young man for a long time more. By the time he got home, it was already 10 PM. His elbow was still throbbing with pain. Fu Nan’an had lost his appetite for dumplings. He sat on the sofa and called Chi Zhao. Chi Zhao didn’t answer.

He called again.

Still no answer.

Fu Nan’an didn’t call again.

The pain in his elbow became more and more pronounced, hurting to the point of being somewhat unbearable. The young man’s sobs still echoed in his mind, making him feel restless and unsettled. Fu Nan’an sat for a while holding his arm, and finally decided to call Chi Zhao one more time. Before he could find his phone, a sudden knocking sound came from the door.

“Professor, are you home? It’s Chi Zhao!”

The voice, as if from a dream, made Fu Nan’an suddenly hold his breath. Fu Nan’an stood up sharply, but the sound suddenly stopped.

So… was it an auditory hallucination?

The expected sound didn’t come again. Fu Nan’an’s heart sank once more, little by little, sinking into quicksand. Of course, Chi Zhao was busy right now, so how could he suddenly appear here?

Fu Nan’an shook his head with a helpless smile, never thinking he’d experience auditory hallucinations one day.

It wasn’t entirely unreasonable for Fu Nan’an to overthink. Their communication hadn’t been frequent recently, and by his count, Chi Zhao hadn’t replied to his messages for over ten hours today. Fu Nan’an knew Chi Zhao was busy, but this was really too long, making him unable to help but worry.

Fu Nan’an leaned back against the sofa, starting to worry unconsciously. He worried if something had happened to Chi Zhao again, and he also worried if their relationship would fade like this, eventually becoming bland and losing to time. When emotions run high, thoughts are hard to control. The young man’s heart-wrenching sobs had indeed affected him somewhat. He picked up his phone again, wanting to call Chi Zhao. He wasn’t willing to just wait passively. This time, his phone suddenly rang.

“Professor, are you home?” When Chi Zhao’s voice came through the receiver, Fu Nan’an found it utterly incredible. Chi Zhao’s voice sounded tired, but very clear. He asked Fu Nan’an, “I’m at your doorstep, can you open the door?”

There had been worry, there had been unease. Fu Nan’an would never have dreamed in his wildest dreams that the reason Chi Zhao hadn’t been in touch for over ten hours was actually this—he had come back to him.

Fu Nan’an still couldn’t believe it. His fingers clenched and then relaxed. He got up and went to open the door. The next second, a person threw himself straight into his arms.

“Professor!” Chi Zhao’s voice sounded in his ear. He was holding him tightly. It wasn’t an illusion. He said, “I’m back.”