Chapter 37 – It should end here (Revised)

Translator: Abo Dammen

That day, when Jiang Mingyuan came to find Fu Nan’an, Chi Zhao heard the entire conversation from start to finish. He heard every word of their dialogue.

He swore he hadn’t meant to eavesdrop intentionally. It was just that Jiang Mingyuan’s voice was very agitated, carrying through the slightly ajar door.

Outside the door, he heard Jiang Mingyuan admit with his own mouth that he was the one who had swapped the list. He also heard Jiang Mingyuan beg Fu Nan’an not to investigate further. He said the team that replaced Fu Nan’an’s belonged to the son of a mentor to whom he owed a great debt, and he absolutely had to repay this favor.

Hearing this, Chi Zhao was stunned for a moment, but quickly regained his composure.

Not investigating further was impossible. Chi Zhao knew Professor Fu’s character too well. He was always open and aboveboard and would absolutely never cover up for someone, burying the efforts of the entire project group.

Chi Zhao even chuckled silently to himself, treating Jiang Mingyuan’s words as a poor joke. His first reaction upon hearing Jiang Mingyuan’s admission was relief. Since Jiang Mingyuan was admitting it, it must mean Fu Nan’an had already found evidence. Would there be any need to worry after that?

Professor Fu’s capability went without saying. With evidence in hand, they would definitely be able to reclaim the project that rightfully belonged to them.

“You shouldn’t have come to me.” Fu Nan’an’s voice also came through the door, not as urgent as Jiang Mingyuan’s, but calm, steady, with a strength that felt supportive.

Just as Chi Zhao had imagined, Fu Nan’an’s response was very calm. He wasn’t swayed by Jiang Mingyuan’s plea. His tone was still calm. “You know my character. We’ve known each other for so many years. This isn’t just my project, it’s the effort of the whole team. I can’t let such an unfair thing happen.”

“I have no other choice.” Jiang Mingyuan’s tone was apologetic. Of course, he wasn’t willing to leave it at that and continued explaining his difficulties to Fu Nan’an. “All the projects are excellent. Whichever one I replace, people will have opinions. I have to choose one, and it’s difficult no matter who I pick. I also can’t explain it to my superiors.”

Fu Nan’an asked him, “Then why choose us?”

“There’s a reason for choosing you.” Jiang Mingyuan’s tone paused. He seemed to hesitate. When he spoke again, his voice was lower, but he ultimately said it. “I can find a reason for choosing you. Your eyes… you can’t see. I can say you’re not suitable for this project.”

The fire in Chi Zhao’s heart instantly blazed. He never expected Jiang Mingyuan to say such a thing about Fu Nan’an. If it weren’t for the door between them, he would have charged in and grabbed Jiang Mingyuan by the collar.

Professor Fu’s capabilities were there for all to see. To doubt his ability just because he was blind? This was utterly unreasonable prejudice. What’s more, Jiang Mingyuan was Fu Nan’an’s most trusted friend. He clearly knew Fu Nan’an’s abilities very well.

Chi Zhao’s hands clenched into fists. He held his breath, waiting for Fu Nan’an’s powerful and firm rebuttal. He believed Professor Fu must be as angry as he was. But as time passed, what awaited Chi Zhao was only Fu Nan’an’s silence.

Jiang Mingyuan spoke again, his tone pleading. “I really didn’t want to. I truly have no choice. I couldn’t think of anyone else to replace. Only your eyes… provide a reason.”

Fu Nan’an was silent for a very, very long time. In the end, he only said, “I know.”

“I know”?

That’s it?

And then?

Chi Zhao, outside the door, was stunned.

Inside the room, Jiang Mingyuan’s eyes lit up instantly. He pressed further, “Does this mean you agree not to investigate further?”

Fu Nan’an neither confirmed nor denied it, only saying, “You should go back for now.”

His tone was weary, a weariness Chi Zhao had never heard before. Chi Zhao simply couldn’t believe Fu Nan’an had such a side.

To him, Professor Fu was absolutely confident and strong. So many people had mentioned his eyes before, in the countryside, in front of the deputy director, and he had always been completely composed, even able to joke about it naturally. But now, his expression wasn’t composed at all. It seemed twisted with strain.

So, because of Jiang Mingyuan’s words, was Fu Nan’an going to give up the efforts of their entire team? Chi Zhao couldn’t believe it.

Jiang Mingyuan explained at length to Fu Nan’an, assuring him it would only be this once, promising that he would think of Fu Nan’an first for any future projects. Fu Nan’an didn’t speak again and pushed him out the door.

As he was leaving, Jiang Mingyuan’s expression was tense, so Chi Zhao’s heart still held hope. In his view, Professor Fu wasn’t someone who would be defeated by a few words. Professor Fu clearly already had the evidence. Why would he give up the efforts of their whole group because of Jiang Mingyuan’s words? Chi Zhao didn’t believe he would do that.

But Chi Zhao waited and waited. He waited until the corners of Fu Nan’an’s mouth were blistered from stress. He waited until the others in the group started preparing for the next project. He waited until there were only two days left before the public notice period ended. Yet, Fu Nan’an still did nothing. His demeanor remained weary. He remained silent.

Chi Zhao couldn’t wait any longer. Now, standing before Fu Nan’an, he finally couldn’t help but confront him, “Why aren’t you fighting for it?

“You weren’t like this before.” Standing on the rooftop, the evening wind whistling past his ears, Chi Zhao looked very seriously into Fu Nan’an’s eyes. “Why didn’t you refute him then?”

Fu Nan’an’s brow was slightly furrowed, as if he had something to say. But Chi Zhao didn’t wait for him to speak. Instead, he continued, sentence after sentence; he had endured for too long. “You told me yourself that rights have to be fought for. Why are you giving up because of Jiang Mingyuan’s words?”

Chi Zhao truly couldn’t understand. His tone gradually became more agitated. “Is it because he mentioned your eyes that you don’t dare to fight? Because of his words, are you going to deny yourself and all the efforts of our entire project group? We clearly could do it. We got first place in the defense. Why have you suddenly become so timid and hesitant?”

“I…” Fu Nan’an’s voice halted for a second.

Chi Zhao took a deep breath, sounding somewhat disappointed. “This isn’t the Professor Fu I know.”

After saying this, Chi Zhao left. The door closed with a clear, sharp sound. Chi Zhao’s footsteps quickly disappeared down the corridor, Resolute to the point of being completely without hesitation.

When the sound of the slammed door rang out, Fu Nan’an subconsciously reached out his hand. His arm hung in mid-air, finally lowering slowly.

Chi Zhao ran too fast. Fu Nan’an couldn’t see. Fu Nan’an couldn’t catch up with him. The surroundings quickly grew quiet, almost soundless.

Without noticing when, rain began to fall from the sky. When the dense raindrops came, Fu Nan’an didn’t avoid them, letting the drops hit his body. When the rainstorm arrived, all senses became blurred. The icy rain soaked him through. Fu Nan’an finally left the rooftop. He dried the water droplets from his hands, took out his phone, and made a call.

It was a call to the disciplinary inspection committee staff.

“I have the evidence here,” he said.

Chi Zhao was right. He did indeed have evidence of Jiang Mingyuan tampering with the list. Jiang Mingyuan’s methods weren’t sophisticated, so doing it always leaves traces.

This matter could have been easily resolved originally. He had planned to directly challenge the result after confronting Jiang Mingyuan, submit the evidence. He wasn’t someone who would cover up for a friend, let alone when it concerned the honor of their entire group. But when he heard Jiang Mingyuan’s explanation, when he heard Jiang Mingyuan mention his eyes without hesitation, he suddenly felt a profound sense of powerlessness.

Jiang Mingyuan said he could only target him. He said his eyes were the best reason.

Later, Fu Nan’an thought perhaps it wasn’t because of that one sentence, nor because of this one incident. Jiang Mingyuan’s words were like the final straw that broke the camel’s back, causing all the long-suppressed negative emotions to come flooding up.

He and Jiang Mingyuan had known each other for many years, from university until now. Jiang Mingyuan had witnessed everything from his falls to his getting back up, yet he would still be the first one Jiang thought of in such a situation, all because of his eyes, because he couldn’t see.

It wasn’t just one person or one incident; Fu Nan’an had experienced far too many. From the initial pain and struggle to later smiling and coping, he himself couldn’t tell whether he had truly come to terms with it or had just become numb. At that moment, Fu Nan’an was truly tired. He had persisted for too long. Jiang Mingyuan’s attitude gave him the illusion that everything was futile.

In that moment, he thought about just letting it go. He wondered if his efforts were indeed useless. After all, he was a disabled person. When negative emotions press down, it’s actually very hard to think clearly. Fu Nan’an wanted to tell himself that effort was useful, but he couldn’t stop the flood of negative thoughts.

If even Jiang Mingyuan thought this way, was there any point in fighting further? Would others also deny him because of his eyes?

He suddenly didn’t want to fight anymore, didn’t dare to fight anymore. Reason and emotion wrestled within him, and he ultimately chose silence.

It was a wrong decision. The moment Chi Zhao pointed it out, Fu Nan’an understood. A person’s success or failure shouldn’t be determined by outsiders. He had proven this countless times before with his own efforts, and he had told his students this truth countless times. How could he think of giving up because of Jiang Mingyuan’s words?

The conflict in his mind was momentary. Once resolved, everything became smooth. Jiang Mingyuan’s methods weren’t clean, so he naturally left behind a lot of evidence.

It wasn’t just this incident. The disciplinary inspection committee staff followed the clues and uncovered other instances of Jiang Mingyuan’s violations of laws and discipline.

After the evidence was submitted, Jiang Mingyuan still tried to make excuses, again using Fu Nan’an’s eyes as a pretext. But Professor Fu was no longer afraid of this. He just calmly stated the facts and presented the evidence. No matter how eloquently Jiang Mingyuan spoke, Fu Nan’an remained teadfast and unshakable.

In the end, Jiang Mingyuan finally succumbed to the overwhelming evidence.

“What I said was also true…” Jiang Mingyuan muttered. “Not being able to see does indeed lead to many problems…”

Fu Nan’an looked at him deeply. Jiang Mingyuan’s words were still harsh, but he would no longer be hurt by them. He said, “But I know that I am the one with the ability to solve problems.”

The project matter was thus smoothly resolved. After understanding the situation, the investigation team issued a notice. Fu Nan’an’s project was approved, and Jiang Mingyuan received the punishment he deserved. Everything returned to the right track, except that the relationship between Fu Nan’an and Chi Zhao gradually cooled down.

At first, Fu Nan’an was busy with the project, and later, Chi Zhao was preparing the materials needed for studying abroad. Unknowingly, a week had passed without them meeting.

During this time, Chi Zhao had also apologized to Fu Nan’an on WeChat, saying he had been too impulsive that day and shouldn’t have run off, leaving Professor Fu alone on the rooftop. Fu Nan’an had also apologized to Chi Zhao, saying it was his own fault. They were both trying to maintain their relationship, but it still inevitably cooled down.

Time flew past. A week passed in the blink of an eye. On the day the project was officially approved, the whole group went out for a meal to celebrate. They booked a large private room in a hotel near the hospital. Even Chen Kaiji, the unofficial member, came. But there was still one person missing from the room.

“Hey, where’s my Chi-ge? Is he here?” Since Jiang Mingyuan was found to have problems, everyone’s attitude towards Chi Zhao had changed, treating him completely as a hero. Chen Kaiji said half-teasingly, “Such an important occasion, how could our great hero Chi not be here?”

Everyone shook their heads. No one knew what was going on.

“Don’t know. Do you?”

“I don’t know either. Xiao Chi hasn’t been around for days, right?”

“What’s up with this kid? Wasn’t he the most frequent visitor to the lab before?”

“How should I know! Why ask me? Ask Professor Fu!”

Everyone knew Fu Nan’an and Chi Zhao were close. Chi Zhao used to always hang around Fu Nan’an. So after asking around, everyone’s gaze naturally fell on Fu Nan’an.

“Professor, where’s our Xiao Chi?” a senior sister asked, looking at Fu Nan’an expectantly. “For our victory banquet, the main meritorious person can’t not come!”

Fu Nan’an sat in his seat, pausing for a moment upon hearing this. “He’s not coming.”

Fu Nan’an had called Chi Zhao days earlier. Besides the celebration dinner, he also wanted to meet Chi Zhao, to talk. Even though he couldn’t see him, the feeling is different when the person is right there. Some things can’t be discussed over the phone.

But Chi Zhao had refused. He said, “Professor, I’ve been too busy lately, I really don’t have the time. You all go ahead and eat. I appreciate the thought, but don’t worry about me.”

Busy. These past few days, Chi Zhao always said he was busy. Was he truly busy, or was it because of something else? Fu Nan’an didn’t want to guess, and didn’t dare to guess.

Just like this time when he said “don’t worry about me,” Fu Nan’an didn’t dare guess whether he was just talking about the meal or something else, like about drawing a clear boundary with him.

A few senior brothers and sisters expressed regret but didn’t say much more. After all, it was a happy occasion. Everyone ate and chatted noisily. Fu Nan’an, however, sat to the side quietly drinking tea, barely touching his chopsticks all evening.

A student next to him asked, “Professor, aren’t you eating?”

“Mm,” Fu Nan’an smiled, his tone somewhat flat. “Not hungry. You all eat.”

It was a lively meal, yet not fully lively.

However others felt, Fu Nan’an could clearly feel that someone was missing.

As the gathering ended and everyone went out, someone exclaimed, “It’s so cold outside!” Fu Nan’an moved his fingers and also felt cold.

The evening wind scraped against his fingers. It seemed even the white cane in his hand had turned icy cold, almost too cold to hold.

Some time ago, Chi Zhao always liked to stick close to Fu Nan’an. After gatherings ended, he would always find various reasons to walk Fu Nan’an home.

He was very good with words, often making Fu Nan’an laugh with just a sentence or two. But now, as everyone walked back together, chatting and laughing, Fu Nan’an remained silent the whole way, and he did not hear the voice he was hoping for.

Chi Zhao truly hadn’t come. He hadn’t lied to him.

Fu Nan’an knew that Chi Zhao might never come again.

Actually, it was understandable. The day Chi Zhao stormed out, Fu Nan’an knew he had hurt his heart. In Chi Zhao’s eyes, he had always been the gentle and strong professor. But he wasn’t that perfect or steadfast. He also had moments of hesitation and helplessness.

His hesitation had even nearly led to a big mistake, almost causing the efforts of the entire project group to come to nothing.

They say nobody’s perfect; it’s impossible for someone to never make a mistake. And after Fu Nan’an realized his mistake, he used his greatest effort to remedy it. But love is a feeling that is too precious. Not everyone, after witnessing a person’s vulnerable, indecisive side, is still willing to continue walking with them. Chi Zhao had no such obligation. No matter the reason, the idealized image was shattered, and that was that.

People always love positive, upward-striving, sunny characters. No one likes a vulnerable, evasive, irresponsible protagonist.

Evading is evading, wrong is wrong. Fu Nan’an wouldn’t deny it. He just felt some regret. Regret that he and Chi Zhao couldn’t continue walking together, couldn’t…

Forget it. What’s the use of regret?

Perhaps they were just meant to end here.

The road was long, yet soon came to an end. Fu Nan’an, as usual, saw the students to the entrance of their apartment building. Just a short distance away was the residential area where he lived. But he knew, no one would turn back to walk him that short distance anymore.