Chapter 19 – Such an intense feeling

Translator: Abo Dammen

If one were to compare a person to an animal, then Chi Zhao would probably be a little puppy wagging its tail at you. A puppy’s teeth aren’t sharp, its stature isn’t imposing, it doesn’t possess great strength. It whimpers softly, looks at you with moist eyes, and when it wags its tail to beg you, you simply cannot refuse.

He didn’t want him to be sad. This child was too pure, his heart and eyes filled with utter sincerity. Even without seeing him, Fu Nan’an knew his eyes were bright. He didn’t want the light in those eyes to dim.

“Of course, we must thank Doctor Xiao Chi too,” Auntie Zhao said with deep feeling. She had always known Chi Zhao was a kind child and had always felt grateful to him. “You are all our great benefactors!”

Fu Nan’an smiled slightly and didn’t continue the topic, getting up to call the interns from the corridor over.

There was a lot for intern doctors to learn, even in the Psychology Department. The various methods required for neurological examinations were no fewer than the physical exams in other departments. Fu Nan’an quizzed them on the techniques and key points. Just as he was about to take them to see other patients, Auntie Zhao suddenly remembered something. She tugged at Chi Zhao’s sleeve and called out softly, “Doctor Xiao Chi.”

Auntie Zhao asked Chi Zhao if he could come back again later. Chi Zhao naturally agreed. After finishing the ward round, he hurried back, afraid something might be wrong with Yuanliang, his face full of concern as he called Auntie Zhao aside. Hearing this, Auntie Zhao laughed and waved her hands. “No, no, Yuanliang is fine. It’s just… I wanted to ask if you have a significant other.”

Chi Zhao was startled. “Significant other?”

“You know, a girlfriend,” Auntie Zhao smiled a bit sheepishly and said, “Professor Fu said Yuanliang’s matter was all thanks to you. I think so too, but we have nothing to repay you with. I have a niece, a junior in university, about your age, studying to be a teacher. She’s fair-skinned and pretty! If you’re interested, I can introduce you!”

Auntie Zhao had clearly given it serious thought and was about to take out her phone to show photos of her niece. Chi Zhao quickly stopped her. “No need, no need, Auntie Zhao. I don’t have any plans in that area for now.”

Auntie Zhao didn’t like hearing that. She was the well-known matchmaker in her village, best at pairing up young people. “A young man your age isn’t little anymore, you should start planning! In our village, many young men your age already have two or three sons!”

She leaned closer and asked Chi Zhao, “What kind of girl do you like? Tell Auntie. If you don’t fancy my niece, I can introduce you to others!”

What kind did he like? Did he even need to think?

Someone gentle, steady, learned… like Professor Fu.

But Chi Zhao couldn’t say that to Auntie Zhao. He could only secretly indulge in the thought, imagining what it would be like if Auntie Zhao introduced Fu Nan’an to him. Then he smiled and said to Auntie Zhao, “Auntie, I’m still studying. I really don’t have plans for that.”

Auntie Zhao’s generation had different ideas from modern people. In their eyes, starting a family was the top priority and getting married and having children meant a complete life. Chi Zhao said he had no plans for now, but Auntie Zhao kept thinking about it. So that evening, when Fu Nan’an came for rounds, she directly asked Fu Nan’an himself.

Fu Nan’an was routinely performing a muscle strength check on Yuanliang. Auntie Zhao moved closer to him and asked, “Doctor Fu, there’s something I’d like to ask your advice on.”

Fu Nan’an’s attention was still on Yuanliang, quietly instructing him to exert force with his arm while placing his own arm horizontally against the inside of Yuanliang’s forearm. He replied casually, “Go ahead, Auntie Zhao.”

“I wanted to ask you, what kind of girl does Doctor Xiao Chi like?” Auntie Zhao said cheerfully. “I want to set him up.”

Fu Nan’an’s arm stiffened slightly.

Yuanliang looked at him strangely. “Uncle, why aren’t you pushing?”

Fu Nan’an quickly lowered his gaze, his expression returning to normal. “Let’s continue.”

Muscle strength testing requires the doctor and patient to exert force against each other, mainly checking the power of muscle contraction. Fu Nan’an soon completed the examination for him, showing no trace of his earlier distraction, and asked with a slight smile, “Chi Zhao is still so young, and you’re already trying to set him up?”

“Of course!” Auntie Zhao nodded repeatedly, truly meaning it. “Doctor Xiao Chi is in his twenties, right? Such a great age! …What kind of girl do you think he likes?”

People in the countryside generally marry earlier than in the cities. It’s quite rare for someone of Chi Zhao’s age to be unmarried there. But these things can’t be rushed. Fu Nan’an didn’t agree with her approach. “It should be up to him, shouldn’t it? This matter can’t be rushed.”

“Why can’t it be rushed?” Auntie Zhao clicked her tongue, lowering her voice persuasively. “Who doesn’t want someone to share little secrets with when they go home? Who doesn’t want someone to care for them and ask if they’re cold or warm? You doctors are usually very busy with work, having a partner is the best solace. Doctor Xiao Chi seems so alone. Shouldn’t we help him?”

She said to Fu Nan’an, “I know you’re his teacher, but you can’t stop him from finding a partner, right?”

With things put this way, refusing further would really make Fu Nan’an seem like he was “exploiting” his student. With Auntie Zhao chattering persuasively beside him, Fu Nan’an sighed softly and said, “Alright, I’ll help you ask him another day.”

What was originally just a casual remark somehow stuck in Fu Nan’an’s mind. The next evening, the department was having a group dinner. Amid the noisy chatter, Fu Nan’an remembered Auntie Zhao’s words again. “You can’t stop him from finding a partner, right?”

The dinner was quite lively. They were all comrades and colleagues from work, familiar with each other, so conversation was unrestrained. They were eating barbecue. The rich aroma of meat mixed with the smells of cumin and chili rushed into their nostrils. Everyone polished off several plates of meat in a short while.

“What’s wrong, Professor?” Chi Zhao was sitting right next to Fu Nan’an. Since Fu Nan’an couldn’t see, Chi Zhao had volunteered to sit beside him and help him with the food. They were very close, and Chi Zhao quickly noticed Fu Nan’an seemed somewhat distracted. “You seem… not too happy?”

Chi Zhao had always been very attentive—methodical at work, and the same when serving food. The pieces he gave Professor Fu were all perfectly grilled, even more carefully chosen than for himself. Fu Nan’an smiled slightly and said, “No, it’s nothing.”

Chi Zhao still didn’t believe him. “If something’s wrong, you can tell me.”

“Really, it’s nothing.” Fu Nan’an smiled, picked up a piece of meat, and put it in his mouth, his expression gentle. “The food at this place is pretty good.”

He was unwilling to say, so Chi Zhao couldn’t pry further and could only reluctantly change the subject. The atmosphere at the table was warm and boisterous. They were all like-minded young people. After a few plates of meat, the conversation flowed even more freely, ranging from patient treatment to life’s gossip. Doctors’ private lives were also very colorful.

“Oh, by the way, Xiao Chi,” said the senior sister sitting across from them, who was also the object of Chen Kaiji’s secret crush, named Zhou Ruoyao. She looked at Chi Zhao with a teasing smile, “It’s been so long since you joined the department, I keep forgetting to ask, do you have a girlfriend?”

Chen Kaiji’s expression instantly stiffened. He looked nervously at Zhou Ruoyao, only to hear her say, “I have a roommate who’s quite pretty, and works at the Second Hospital now. Interested? Want to add her on WeChat?”

So it was about setting him up. Chen Kaiji finally breathed a sigh of relief and gave Chi Zhao a thumbs-up, mouthing the words: Go for it, bro.

Somehow, people kept asking Chi Zhao about his relationship status lately. Before, Chi Zhao hadn’t given it much thought, and now that he had feelings for Fu Nan’an, he definitely couldn’t lead some nice girl on. Chi Zhao smiled and said, “Shijie’s roommate is also my Shijie.¹ If she ever comes to the Fifth Hospital, I’ll definitely help her out. But saying anything else would be disrespectful.”

This was a polite refusal. Zhou Ruoyao felt it was a pity but didn’t say more. However, Chen Kaiji chimed in, though it was unclear if he was genuinely interested in Chi Zhao’s affairs or just couldn’t stand seeing Chi Zhao turn down his crush. “Chi-ge, what do you mean? I remember you said you didn’t have a girlfriend… Did you get one that fast?”

This was much more direct. The atmosphere at the table instantly heated up. One senior brother egged him on, “Really, Chi Zhao? How come you didn’t tell us about such big news?”

Chi Zhao was utterly exasperated. “No, I don’t.”

Gossip is human nature. Once brought up, it’s hard to easily change the subject. Everyone teased him for a long time at the table. Chi Zhao’s face was even turning a bit red. Finally, he had to admit. “There is someone I like, but we’re not together yet.”

When these words were spoken, Fu Nan’an was drinking tea. The light yellow tea swayed in the porcelain cup. Fu Nan’an took a gentle sip. When the cup touched the tabletop, it made a dull thud.

The table was still rowdy. Chen Kaiji exclaimed as if he’d discovered a new continent, “Chi-ge, your face is so red!” All eyes focused on Chi Zhao’s face, continuing to tease him.

“Wow, really!”

“It’s the first time I’ve seen Chi Zhao blush!”

“Didn’t expect our Xiao Chi to be so innocent, to like someone that much?”

Usually, Chi Zhao had a bright, outgoing, and articulate image in the department. This was the first time everyone saw him like this, so they seized the chance to mercilessly poke fun at him. In the end, one female senior sighed, “That’s really nice. Our Xiao Chi is cheerful, capable, and gets things done. The person Xiao Chi likes must be a truly excellent girl.”

He was a truly excellent person, but not a girl. Chi Zhao instinctively glanced at Fu Nan’an. Professor Fu’s hand held that small porcelain cup, lost in thought.

He was always like this, his light gray eyes slightly lowered, effectively concealing his emotions, making his thoughts inscrutable. Chi Zhao pursed his lips, his gaze still fixed on him.

“I just noticed Xiao Chi has a dimple!” a nurse suddenly exclaimed. “It’s so cute when he smiles!”

“Really?” another senior brother chimed in. “Didn’t notice before. Our Xiao Chi is definitely a top-tier handsome guy in the department.”

Chi Zhao’s looks were indeed undeniable. He was good-looking with a great personality, very well-liked in the department. Everyone praised him one after another, and the topic unconsciously strayed, the compliments for Chi Zhao becoming more and more exaggerated.

But being the center of attention isn’t easy, especially at a dinner. While praising him, everyone also wanted to toast him. Glass after glass, Chi Zhao was coaxed and tricked into drinking quite a bit. He was thin-skinned, and a rosy hue soon appeared on his fair face.

“Alright, that’s enough, right? Seniors, don’t bully me anymore,” Chi Zhao half-smiled, pleading for mercy. “If I drink any more, I’ll really be drunk.”

“One more glass, Chi-ge, I toast you,” Chen Kaiji still handed him another glass, smiling. “It’s fine, Chi-ge. They say people with dimples can hold their liquor. One more won’t hurt.”

Who knows where this absurd theory came from. Chi Zhao’s dimple was mentioned repeatedly all evening, how sweet and pure he looked when smiling, practically praising that dimple to the skies.

“Last one, really no more.” Chi Zhao helplessly took the glass Chen Kaiji offered. Actually, the alcohol content wasn’t high, it wasn’t strong liquor. But after several consecutive glasses, he was feeling a bit lightheaded. Chi Zhao’s cheeks were thoroughly flushed, and Chen Kaiji finally let him off, saying, “Alright, alright, we’ll stop forcing you. Wouldn’t want people saying us psychology folks bully you clinical folks.”

“I know you don’t mean that.” Chi Zhao shook his head helplessly. As he turned his head, he noticed Fu Nan’an was still holding that small porcelain cup. The white cup was clutched in his hand, and the light yellow tea inside was still full.

“Professor Fu, what’s wrong?” Chi Zhao was a bit dizzy from drinking and leaned closer to ask quietly. “I feel like you’re definitely not happy tonight, otherwise you wouldn’t be so quiet.”

The distance was a bit close, close enough for Fu Nan’an to smell the faint scent of alcohol on Chi Zhao.

“Nothing, just thinking about some things.” Fu Nan’an still smiled faintly, quietly creating a bit more distance between himself and Chi Zhao. Unwilling to accept this distance, Chi Zhao leaned in closer again. “What are you thinking about?”

Too close. The smell of alcohol assailed his senses, and the faint, almost tangible sound of the young man’s breathing lingered in his ear. Chi Zhao kept leaning closer. Fu Nan’an’s Adam’s apple moved slightly, and the words he was about to say paused. “I’m thinking…”

Chi Zhao was drunk, his whole body almost leaning onto Fu Nan’an. Fu Nan’an raised a hand to press on his shoulder, his deep voice falling by Chi Zhao’s ear. “I’m thinking… what does that little dimple of yours actually look like?”

He’d been hearing about this dimple all evening. Everyone was praising it.

After all these years, it had been a long time since he’d felt such an intense feeling. “Not being able to see” was truly a regrettable thing.